Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Thursday To-Do: Justin Bieber

Posted By on Wed, Jan 9, 2013 at 10:25 AM

Justin Bieber plays at Verizon Arena Thursday.
  • Justin Bieber plays at Verizon Arena Thursday.

JUSTIN BIEBER
7 p.m. Verizon Arena. $52-$94.

One of my favorite tracks of 2010 was Justin Bieber's hit "Baby" slowed down 800 percent and stretched to nearly 15 minutes. I've never listened to the normal speed version, but the slow one is maybe the most gorgeous thing I've ever heard, like Brian Eno and Sigur Ros playing God's own personal synthesizers and blissing out in a floating castle made out of dreams.

It was a hit as far as quasi-joke Internet thing-ies go, generating all sorts of parodies and copycats. One dude took a 10-minute Sigur Ros song and sped it up 800 percent to see if it sounded like Justin Bieber (it didn't). It's ancient history as far as memes go, but it was kind of a big thing at the time. The song still sounds great though.

I guess Justin Bieber's done some other stuff since then. Put out another massive hit album; became a man; went through a voice change; went to a party where he maybe tried out one of those funny-smelling cigarettes, if photos published Monday on TMZ are to be believed. A paparazzo died last week while trying to get a picture of him. That was weird and sad. Some dudes got arrested last month in a bizarre scheme to kidnap the Biebs and harm him in a brutal fashion that I will not describe here. That was plain crazy.

But, it's all just part of growing up, I suppose. He'll make it through these awkward years just fine, and I predict he will have a rewarding acting career later in life, starring in a buddy cop movie in 2022 with Marky Mark, Justin Timberlake and a 3D hologram Dennis Hopper.

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