Sunday, January 29, 2012

My new pen pals - Internet Scammers

Posted By on Sun, Jan 29, 2012 at 11:58 AM

In the interests of world peace, making friends and just because I have a perverse sense of humor, I have begun responding to some of the people who send me exciting new offers over the Internet.

No, I’m not going to send them any money; that would put our relationships on a purely shallow level, and I wouldn’t insult them like that.

Instead, I have been writing short notes in response to their intriguing emails.

True, in the past I’d respond to offers of smuggling Saddam Hussein’s gold out of Iraq with a typical - “Why are you sensing this to an FBI agent?” but, you know, you soon get tired of that.

I once made the mistake of pointing out to someone claiming to be a “Sargent” in the United States Army that I suspected that a real member of the military might be able to spell his rank correctly, and got an amazingly long letter about this poor man’s poor life and his Christian upbringing, but the fun sort of went out of it after I got to the end of the badly written email.

Speaking of religion, it’s amazing how many wish to play upon the faith of those getting their emails.

Basically, it goes like this:

Hi, I am the widow of ______ who managed to embezzle millions (millions, I say!) of dollars worth of his country’s treasury before his death from a terrible disease. But the embezzlement is okay, because he was, after all, stealing it from a brute of a dictator anyway.

So, I have been given your name - even though the email is not actually addressed to you - and I’d kinda like to know if, if the spirit of mutual Christianity, you’d like to help me commit several felonies and bring the money out of the country.

What if you are not Christian, but a member of another faith, or even an atheist who might like to commit a bit of larceny? Is your help turned away?

I wrote back to one such person, pointing out the problem here, but got no response.

I did get one nice letter a few weeks ago, when a young woman wrote a letter saying that she heard that I was a pretty nice guy, and maybe I’d like to perhaps enter into a relationship with her?

Well, who can turn down an offer like that?

Sadly for my love life - besides the fact that, like the second Mrs. Gingrich, my wife is also not into open marriages - “she” made the mistake of also including the rather lengthy list of pretty much everybody else she had made the same offer to. Suddenly, I didn’t so special.

I wrote back, saying, “I am tempted, but I fear you may not have much time for me, given your interest in all of these other people.”

This earned me another rare reply, with a photograph of a beautiful young African woman, and a short general , “this is my life story, wouldn’t you love to love me?” offer, but my heart just wasn’t in it.

I’m just a one-scammer man, I suppose. I can’t share.

Last week I got a nice one informing me that someone’s divorce case was having American problems, and that my firm had come highly recommended - could I help?

I thought it over and typed back, “ I’d love to help, but I’m just not sure how I can, since I am a plumber!”

I have not gotten a reply, which shows a certain lack of initiative on their part, I think.

My pen pal relationships with my new friends are all-too-brief, but they bring me a little happiness while they last. I’ll treasure them all.

******

Quote of the Day

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February. - Mark Twain

rsdrake@cox.net

Comments

Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

More by Richard Drake

  • Fayetteville and Human Rights: Deja Vu all over again?

    "Sometimes with progress, when you deal with any kind of discrimination, you are going to have a fight on your hands.” Fayetteville alderman Randy Zurcher, 1998It has been a long time coming - a shameful long time coming - but finally, Fayetteville may put the memory of 1998's Human Dignity Resolution to rest, when a simple ordinance protecting the rights of city (though for the politically illiterate, city meant anybody actually living in Fayetteville) employees was enough to bring out droves of people, many of whom did not even live within our boundaries, to city council meetings to condemn it.
    • Aug 19, 2014
  • 1968: The year we pulled Mr. Spear down

    I wrote this story a few years ago about a teacher I greatly admired in junior high school - the only bright spot in the hell hole of Knob Noster, Missouri.
    • Aug 16, 2014
  • More »

Most Shared

  • Michelle Duggar and the Family Council try to torpedo Fayetteville non-discrimination ordinance with lies

    The Arkansas Family Council has enlisted Michelle Duggar to oppose a Fayetteville non-discrimination ordinance with a fear-mongering robocall.
  • Train derailment in Hoxie kills 2; homes evacuated

    Two people were killed with two trains collided near Hwy. 67 early this morning, and State Police are evacuating residents of the southern end of the city while the trains burn. U.S. 67 south of Hoxie and U.S. 63 are closed. The trains were carrying hazardous chemicals.
  • Minimum wage group turns in nearly 70,000 additional signatures

    Give Arkansas a Raise Now, the group seeking to qualify a ballot measure to raise the state minimum wage from $6.25 to $8.50 an hour by 2017, turned in an additional 69,070 signatures to the Arkansas Secretary of State's office today.
  • American Bridge releases report on Koch brothers' environmental impacts and layoffs

    American Bridge, the liberal PAC formed by David Brock, the former Clinton foe now dedicated to round-the-clock Hillary Clinton defender, is out today with a new report on environmental impacts and layoffs from Koch Industries. The report focuses on the business activities of the Koch brothers — more famous for hundreds of millions in political spending aimed at slashing government services, regulation and taxes — in twelve states, including Arkansas. From the report: "The Kochs' extreme, self-serving agenda is bad for working families. And that reality is starkly embodied not only by their political persuasions, but by their business endeavors."
  • Where are the peacemakers in Ferguson, Mo.? A local judge suggests a better strategy

    Unrest in Ferguson, Mo. following the police shooting of an unarmed teen hasn't been a shining moment. The law and constitution have been ignored. Police have manhandled reporters. A local judge writes on what would have been a better way for local officials to deal with the situation.

Most Recent Comments

Blogroll

 

© 2014 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation