http://www.arktimes.com/ArkansasBlog/archives/2012/07/31/tuesday-topics Comments On: Tuesday topics by Max Brantley en-us Copyright 2013 Arkansas Times. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, Arkansas Times readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact Arkansas Times. robert@arktimes.com (Arkansas Times Webmaster) Thu, 20 Jun 2013 00:00:01 -0500 Thu, 20 Jun 2013 05:30:00 -0500 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Posted by Hackett]]> Wed, 01 Aug 2012 18:19:49 -0500 Arkansas Times
I always send thank-you notes to my grandchildren for their little Christmas remembrances. Can't remember ever getting one from them. I guess it's a different time.

None of us knows exactly what to do when we're faced with new circumstances/situations, with no advice from someone "in the know."

As a Southern white from the 1930s, I had to learn how to relate on equal terms to blacks. I'm still concerned that I may come off as "too friendly," or insincere.

Being straight, I face the same kind of situation with anyone LGBT. I want to be accepting and friendly, but I don't want to be "gushy" about it. In other words, I don't want to make a big thing over something that should be just accepted as natural.

I've had to feel my way around in this situation in relating to LGBTs in my own extended family. I've tried to be casual about it, as if it is just as normal and natural as a baby's being born a girl or a boy; why make a big deal about it either way.

So it sounds as if your mom is feeling her way, trying to do the right thing, but not knowing exactly what the right thing to do is. She felt her way to send you a gift. I suggest you feel your way to send her a thank-you note/card. She made an effort and reached out; now respond to her effort and reach back.

IMHO
Posted by SkyPilot]]> Wed, 01 Aug 2012 11:06:01 -0500 Arkansas Times Posted by RazorbackArmyVet]]> Wed, 01 Aug 2012 09:05:59 -0500 Arkansas Times
SissyTJ,

Yes ma'am, you should. You've nothing to lose, and everything to win.


Posted by Durango]]> Wed, 01 Aug 2012 07:05:59 -0500 Arkansas Times
I went to Chick-Fil-A this morning at 5:58 this morning at 5:58 am and by the time 6 am rolled around cars were lining up behind me. Once Chick-Fil-A opened I gave them my $4.61 cents and wished them well on this August 1st.

It seems to me that most of the anger and hate is coming from those who are mad about Mike Huckabee's emphasis to pump up Chick-Fil-A's sales today. http://thedailyhatch.org/2012/08/01/anger-…


Posted by SalineRepublican]]> Wed, 01 Aug 2012 06:57:51 -0500 Arkansas Times
Oh, I'll ask a lot of questions at AutoZone, but not about social or moral issues or politics or religion. I'll be a friend to business by not walking in and asking ARE YOU SAVED? Do you have a 401K? Has yer wife been tested for the clap lately? I wouldn't take a check from one of them damn Presbyterians if I was you!

Though at times I'm a tad curious, I personally feel it's tacky to ask a cashier at Wal-Mart if she shaves her vajaja. I think it's wrong to suggest circumcision to young Arab looking stock boys at Target. In other words and I gots plenty of em.....I shall mind my business about non-business related matters and expect the same from all people in business. If you hate inverted nipples and your not the 1st cousin I grew up with.....keep it to yourself! FK Chick-Fil-A and the dinosaur Dan Cathy rode in on. And what a gay name.....Dan Cathy....

Now Sister dear....funny things happen as people age. How many women have you known who got the kids all raised up and retired from their jobs, got the house all fixed up and quietly started playing with dolls again? I've never spoken about it with anyone but I've noticed this going on with older woman I've known for years. It's harmless I'm sure, but it's just a little bit creepy. I bring this up thinking about your sisters and your Mom back in the 70s. Your Mom was what....in her 30s when your sisters got married and had a husband to mind and she probably never gave a thought about Thank You notes from your sisters...too busy to worry about such a little thing.

But that was 40 years ago when the Copa had a show...ah, er...you know. So I'd send her that note you've already written and be content to know that getting it out of the mailbox, finding the letter opener, unfolding and reading it will fill up a big part of 5 minutes and that will get her 5 minutes closer to the Early Bird Special at Golden Corral where she can brag that she got a nice card from her daughter who lives out of state yada yada yada with no further details and the other gals will look a bit wistful trying to remember the last time their kid sent them a nice card and it will be a solid win for your Mom...who may or may not be collecting dolls behind your back and keeping QVC in business even though everyone knows the real deals are on the Internet. Good luck!
Posted by DeathbyInches]]> Wed, 01 Aug 2012 02:53:43 -0500 Arkansas Times
You have gotten some excellent advice so far so you really don’t need my two cents. However, you have several issues here so I will share some thoughts with you.

First and foremost, you always send a handwritten acknowledgement/thank you note for all wedding gifts. It’s a written rule. So your instincts are right about that, being the southern born and bred lady that you are. It doesn’t matter if it was a gift from your mother or from the nerdy guy at work that annoys people. Someone went to the trouble to go shopping and pick out something especially for you, so the very least that is acceptable is a note. The fact you made a phone call too is added value. It would mean a lot to her, and as someone said earlier, it might go a long way toward bridging the gap that is there now.

The other side of this is that it always pays to take the high road. Even if you are taking it through gritted teeth with a frown on your face. At the end of the day, it is much easier to know you were the mature one who went that extra step to make things right.

My mother and I didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. Now that she is no longer here, I think of the times I could have done a little something that would have meant the world to her, but I didn’t for a various assortment of excuses. If I could just have back one day with her, I would cram as many of those little gestures into that day as possible, because I know they would be important to her….and maybe more so to me than I want to admit.

So, be the bigger person. She opened that door a little by sending you a gift. Maybe some sort of peace offering? Open the door a little wider and let her know how much you appreciate the gift and the thought behind it. I promise you, it will feel good to do so.

This isn’t the time or place to hash out old wounds. It’s just the time for a note. I am hoping there is more behind sending that coffee maker than you might realize at the moment. She is older and was raised in a different time. The example you set could help to enlighten her.

We fear what we don’t know and understand. You can be a wonderful teacher. I think you should send the note.

Posted by mountaingirl]]> Wed, 01 Aug 2012 00:10:49 -0500 Arkansas Times
I still recall a bout he had with William Buckley on PBS' "Firing Line" in the late 60s.
Yes, my conservative friends, Buckley made his American debut on tax-supported PBS.

Vidal and Buckley were going at it pretty strong, Vidal ever the cool one. Buckley gave up, yelled , 'shut up you little queer or I'll knock your goddamned head off.'

Shows were live back then and there was no blip censor sound. Saline Repub could not have posted Buckley's comment on his website.
Posted by eLwood]]> Wed, 01 Aug 2012 00:09:37 -0500 Arkansas Times
Ok goof, let's hear it. I enjoyed Frankies eggplant casserole too many times to
remember. You need to share goof unless you have retirement plans for a
restaurant of your own. But, I think you're too smart for that.
Posted by eLwood]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 23:54:52 -0500 Arkansas Times
"In a recent lawsuit filed against the owner of a franchise in Duluth, GA as well as against the parent company of Chick-Fil-A is but the latest strike against the troubled fast food chain, as new allegations of gender discrimination have come to light.

Within the court briefing, it is revealed that Brenda Honeycutt, the store’s General Manager with 21 years of service under her belt, found herself frozen out of management meetings and eventually replaced in that role with a male hired by her store’s owner, Jeff Howard, earlier this year. This came after 5 other female employees found themselves demoted or terminated in the past year despite high performance metrics. The owner allegedly made it clear to Ms Honeycutt as well as others that the termination was a move designed to force Ms Honeycutt into a role as a stay-at-home mother."

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2012/07/30/ch…
Posted by eLwood]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 23:44:37 -0500 Arkansas Times
http://front.moveon.org/why-you-should-hea…
Posted by HardHeadedWoman]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 23:40:10 -0500 Arkansas Times
Detailed by a Tennessee publication called Knox News, a 40-year-old man named Lowell Turpin suspected his live-in girlfriend, 38-year-old Crystal Gray, of cheating on him or possibly planning to have an affair with another man. As Gray was preparing to take a walk down to a local convenience store on July 22, 2012, Turpin watched as she checked her Facebook page on her laptop before leaving. Upon seeing a man’s picture on her Facebook page that he didn’t recognize, he demanded to know who the man was and what her relationship was with the mystery fellow. Gray pointed out that was a picture of presidential candidate Mitt Romney and Turpin responded by ripping the laptop out of her hands before smashing it against the wall."

http://www.digitaltrends.com/social-media/…

Posted by NeverVoteRepublican]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 23:32:15 -0500 Arkansas Times Your mom will appreciate your thanks for the gift, and in the long run you'll be glad that you sent it. It could have a positive effect on your mom's attitude going forward.
Posted by HardHeadedWoman]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 23:29:41 -0500 Arkansas Times Posted by NeverVoteRepublican]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 23:26:58 -0500 Arkansas Times
http://www.latimes.com/features/books/jack…

Posted by NeverVoteRepublican]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 23:25:35 -0500 Arkansas Times
I just saw a headline that Gore Vidal has died. He uttered one of the greatest lines in the literary world---might have been on a Dick Cavett show. Vidal and Norman Mailer got into it over something and Mailer decked him. From the floor Vidal said, "Words fail Norman, once again." There are no characters and wonderful conversationalists like Cavett these days.
Posted by the outlier]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 23:24:32 -0500 Arkansas Times Posted by NeverVoteRepublican]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 23:13:11 -0500 Arkansas Times
What feel's right to you?
Posted by Sound Policy]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 23:12:23 -0500 Arkansas Times
http://www.blue-marble.de/nightlights/2010

Light pollution around the world.
Posted by YossarianMinderbinder]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 23:10:10 -0500 Arkansas Times
As y'all probably have gleaned from previous posts, my mom wasn't really hip to the idea of our getting married. She's not like that Saline guy camping out at Chick-Fil-A-Hole, but she's not comfortable with marriage equality.

I want to give her a pass because she's 76 and a Fox News-loving Republican, but at the same time, I know she's entirely too smart to be lumped in with the "Saline'' crowd.

I talked to her yesterday and she excitedly said a package would be arriving. Sure enough, a brand new coffee maker was at our doorstep today! I honestly appreciated the gesture even though she knows we have two already, but dialed her up immediately to thank her.

Here's the transcript...

ME: Mom, thanks so much for the coffee maker. That was so sweet of you.

MOM: Oh, you're welcome honey. I'm sure I'll be getting a thank-you note soon (nervous laughter).

ME: Oh, wow. Really?

MOM: I just didn't know the protocol on these sort of things. Was I supposed to send a gift?

ME: Well, we were legally married.

MOM: (awkward silence).

ME: Well, this is the best coffee maker in the world and that was so sweet of you to send it. I love you, mom.

MOM: I love you too, dear. You girls take care. Bye now.

Here's my question...should I send a thank-you note to my own mother or not? I've never sent her a thank-you note in my life!

It might piss her off if I do because it seems rather removed and aloof. If I don't, she might think of me as crass (which is horrible in the Southern Belle world).

This is a pickle because I know for a fact my two sisters didn't send my parents thank-you notes after they spent 5-figures on their weddings in the damn 1970s.

I've written one, but don't know if I should send it. Yes or No?

P.S. Thanks for the kind comments last night. Nanc, we're cool on the toasters. SP, we left Yale as we found it:) Durango, where's my damn Dom Perignon, the GPS and the tool set? Sheesh!



Posted by Mrs. Sistertoldja]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 22:42:18 -0500 Arkansas Times
Thanks for doing good while you could, Kitty.

Bastards.
Posted by Bartleby PhD]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 22:27:27 -0500 Arkansas Times
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/07/31/barn…
Posted by Norma Bates]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 22:04:14 -0500 Arkansas Times
Dark Skies, everyone!


Posted by MarcKyle1964]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 21:49:45 -0500 Arkansas Times
(Stockholm syndrome sufferer du jour) says she avidly supports freedom of expression, but wouldn't grant her critics the same leeway she demands. "I stand by freedom of expression as long as it isn't hostile to (Insert your superstition here)"," she says, arguing that "secular and liberal" channels are "destructive" in the way they are promoting ideas that would reshape society.

Posted by CyberBiker]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 21:49:31 -0500 Arkansas Times
But I spent the morning catching up and it was wonderful to read Sister’s account of the wedding and all the comments of congratulations. Fortunately, HHH and I were lucky enough while in LR yesterday to swing by and spend some time with the happy couple, to give each a hug and hear all about their trip and the celebratory party upon their return. It killed me more than anything to miss that party!

So I want to offer again my love to Mrs. and Mrs. Sister and WIES and infinite wishes for their happily ever after! They are truly meant for one another!

Posted by HardHeadedWoman]]> Tue, 31 Jul 2012 21:24:10 -0500 Arkansas Times