Bound for heaven? Not 2007. 

It was a bad year in Arkansas for bees, coons, the animal kingdom and assorted humankind. And the rise of The Huckster from Hope bodes ill for the whole dang country next year.

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It beat a hacking cough, but not by very much.

As years of the 21st century have gone so far, it was pretty typical. A lot like Thanksgiving football. Hard to keep from nodding off.

We ran off the football coach, Houston Nutt, but here's a suggestion: If you have lunch with him anytime between now and 2020, let him pay. And have an extra lobster tail. And invite Momma and them. Tell them to load up.

We got a new governor and deeded the old one to the United States, which deserved better from us, given what it's had to put up with from this bunch that's been in office for about 75 years now, it seems like.

The legislature met but about all it accomplished was to promote animal cruelty and dis Thomas Paine.

Most of our bees died, nobody's sure why, one thought being that cell phones are killing them. Up around Huntsville, they're killing them with nail guns.

We brought forth more new Duggars this year than we did tomatoes fit to eat.

We had prizefights that were like minuets, ball games like gavottes.

Mayor pursued cross-country by Satanists; criminals ranging from moron to imbecile; sports editor dumber than an Acme brick, the official brick of the Dallas Cowboys. Gay Christian bikers. A PB alderman who lives in fear of seeing your crack.

Century 21 Arkie-typical, no? The best and the worst…

Worst man from Hope

Huckabee presidential campaign highlights included whooping Bush's handling of the Iraq War, proposing to scrap the federal income tax in favor of a flat national sales tax, declaring himself an anti-evolutionist, and dubbing himself, according to Falwell the Younger, as God's chosen candidate. In November, National Review, the conservative magazine, characterized Huckabee's campaign as one of "half-baked policies and ill-considered sloganeering," and Rolling Stone magazine concluded that he was "a Christian goofball of the highest order (who)believes the Earth may be only 6,000 years old, angrily rejects the evidence that human beings evolved from 'primates' and thinks America wouldn't need so much Mexican labor if we allowed every aborted fetus to grow up and enter the workforce." Richard Cohen, Washington Post, summed up in December: "The Republican presidential field has some feeble minds and some dangerous ones as well, but none has done as much damage as Huckabee has."

Worst excuse

The mayor of Centerton (pop. 6,743) since 2001 resigned in November after disclosing that his life before coming to the Bentonville suburb more than 20 years ago had been one of multiple identities in which, starting out as a clergyman in New York state, he was relentlessly hounded across the country by a gang of evil Satanists intent on capturing and brainwashing him. He seems to have started and deserted several families along the way. The devil-worshippers caught him at least once, he said, forcing him into the back of a van and erasing five years from his memory with an electric torture device. And from there, the story gets really strange.

Best side of Janet Huckabee

Announcing in November that she really, really wanted to be the next First Lady of the U.S., Janet Huckabee said: "I'm very unique in the sense that I'm not afraid to show all sides: the fun side, the serious side, the elegant side, whatever I need to do." She was soon after showing that elegant side to a South Carolina ladies' group, demonstrating to them how she was a right smart of a good hand with a grenade launcher.



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