Conspiracy theory
by Doug Smith
It's not a conspiracy, it's just a lie:
John Wesley Hall notes a newspaper item from the crime beat, about a fellow who made a false report to the police: " 'Jones stated he was supposed to pick up his fiancé after she got off work and had lost track of time,' police wrote. 'When he realized he was extremely late, he conspired the story to cover up his indiscretions.' "
Conspiring alone is like bowling alone, a departure from the norm. To conspire usually means "To plan together secretly to commit a crime or wrongful act or accomplish a legal purpose through illegal action": Rove's henchmen conspired to keep black people from voting in Florida. One of the conspirators later ran for Congress in Arkansas.
Ken Parker has been keeping up with the news also. He writes:
"KTHV just reported on plans for funeralizing Arlen Specter. I don't find funeralize in my dictionary." It's not in mine, either, and I hope to keep it out. If funeralize is here, can burialize be far behind?
"College atrium reveres Sam Walton." Can an atrium revere someone? That is, can an atrium "regard with awe, great respect, or devotion"? I'd say no. Honors would fit.
Peddle to the meddle:
"Another fun event has just been added to the EurekaPalooza festival at Lake Leatherwood City Park. Bring your bicycles (or even unicycles) to Lake Leatherwood Ball Fields Sunday for some peddling fun."
"The Vatican on Tuesday sought to put the widening scandal over leaked documents into a different light ... The so-called 'Vatileaks' scandal has tormented the Vatican for months." Another pert journalistic coinage. I'd like to see "Octomom trapped in Carmageddon while Vatileaks worsens."
I'm a little surprised they didn't call it Vatigate, though. For years after Watergate, every alleged scandal had "gate" tacked on the end. Remember UCAgate and Petrinogate? Maybe the Vatican demanded a different term for a faith-based scandal, the bishops finally starting to believe in the separation of church and state. That would be Dogmagate.
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