The day before Valentine's Day, two men were arrested in Benton County after police noticed something odd about the vehicle they were driving. What was the issue? A) Motorized parade float featuring a paper mache Mt. Rushmore, stolen from behind the local Future Farmers of America clubhouse. B) Wingless Cessna airplane, which they'd taken on a joyride while working on it at the local airport. C) Black 1974 Trans Am running as a "blocker" for a semi-truck full of Coors beer. D) Ford Crown Victoria that had been made over into a fake police cruiser, complete with a black and white paint scheme, "Police" stickers on the doors and a red-and-blue light bar.
Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Conway) recently made a modest proposal on his Facebook page about how the U.S. should combat the terrorist group ISIS. What was his suggestion? A) Ship all of Arkansas's gay people to wherever ISIS is so he doesn't have to spend yet another summer constantly watching them gay it up in their mesmerizingly gay way. B) Proposed we should "annihilate their strongholds" with "a strategically placed nuclear weapon." Because, you know, nothing would help the situation more than for the U.S. to fire a tactical nuke at an Islamic country. C) Rapert will move to Iraq, at which point ISIS will flee in disgust. D) Transvaginal probing for all members of ISIS, regardless of gender.
UAMS recently published the results of groundbreaking research involving a dog named Frankie. What's so special about Frankie? A) By sniffing urine samples, she can detect thyroid cancer 88.2 percent of the time, a rate only slightly less accurate than surgical biopsy. B) Generates enough power to operate an MRI machine via the static electricity from vigorous tummy rubs. C) Taught to speak, but quickly encouraged to shut up after revealing what her owner does when nobody else is home. D) Source for a New England Journal of Veterinary Medicine article called: " 'Because It Stinks in Here': Why Dogs Hang Their Heads Out the Car Window."
Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee recently criticized Hillary Clinton for using personal email while at the State Department, saying that her unwillingness to use her State Department email address — which will keep the public from seeing her correspondence — will place a "shadow of a doubt" on her campaign if she decides to run for president. What was one of Huckabee's last official acts as Governor of Arkansas? A) Test of manhood in which he jumped from the roof of the Governor's Mansion holding an umbrella, shattering his pelvis on the barbecue grill below. B) Ordered the hard drives from his office crushed in an industrial press to make sure the information contained on them was never revealed to the public. C) Secret gastric bypass operation in Mexico. D) Forced State Police protective detail to learn the zombie dance from "Thriller."
State Rep. Nate Bell (R-Mena) contacted Arkansas Times reporter Benji Hardy just before we ran Hardy's explosive cover story on the "rehoming" of three little girls adopted by Rep. Justin Harris of West Fork — one of whom was later raped by the man Harris left her with. Why did Bell contact Hardy? A) To thank him for upholding the standards of journalism in the 21st century. B) To give Hardy a "Deep Throat"-style tip on Harris. C) To say that he would personally investigate the matter and help bring any wrongdoing to light. D) To literally damn Hardy to hell for writing and publishing a story about Harris and his wife dumping their adopted daughters after promising them a "forever home," with Bell advising Hardy to "invest in asbestos" and saying he'd seek harassment charges if Hardy ever contacted him again.
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