Favorite

Inconsequential News Quiz: Get Your Goat edition 

Play at home!

1) According to the website arkansasgoatfestival.com, what will be real events and attractions at the Great Arkansas Goat Festival, scheduled for Oct. 1 in Perryville?

A) Goat parade!

B) Celebrity goat milk drinking contest! (Sadly, three-time world champion Benji Hardy of Arkansas Times was injured while training and cannot compete).

C) Door prizes for anyone dressed as a goat!

D) All of the above.

2) The City Council of Eureka Springs recently voted to approve a six-month moratorium on any new bed and breakfast inns in the city. Why, according to supporters of the measure, was this necessary?

A) Constant fog of high-grade pot smoke over Eureka had caused bedbugs to grow to the size of small, very mellow dogs.

B) Recent years have seen a shift away from "quirky sitcom" innkeepers in favor of "kidnappy stabby" innkeepers.

C) A shortage of available housing for both local workers and those looking to relocate to Eureka.

D) Sue and James Plotz of Davenport, Iowa. Thanks for spoiling it for everybody, asswipes.

3) Recently, an act of kindness went viral online after a waiter at an Olive Garden restaurant in Little Rock was photographed doing a favor for someone having dinner there. What did he do?

A) Slapped the fork out of diner Sandy Merkin's hand, thus sparing her the soul-crushing disappointment of eating at Olive Garden.

B) Allowed someone he was waiting on to sniff the screw cap from their bottle of wine.

C) Invented the breadstick rope, which allows diners to eat a continuous stream of free bread from a large spool positioned beside the table.

D) Fed a baby girl from her bottle after seeing the baby's mother struggling to feed the child during dinner.

4) While in town for a gig at Magic Springs theme park, members of the Southern Rock band 38 Special were staying at a Hot Springs hotel when, according to a post on the band's Facebook page, keyboardist Bobby Capps did something surprising. What did he do?

A) Saw an elderly woman having a seizure by the pool and rushed to her aid, with Capps stabilizing her before running to call 911 — a move which EMTs on the scene said probably saved her life.

B) Revealed, shockingly, that he never had inappropriate relations with storied Arkansas groupie "Sweet Connie" Hamzy.

C) Only held on semi-loosely at best.

D) Confirmed the long-suspected theory that 38 Special and The Marshall Tucker Band are, in fact, the same band.

5) In what could be seen as the world's best argument for not giving teachers the whole summer off lest they get up to no good, an elementary school teacher from Benton and her husband were arrested in Hot Springs last month after cops said they did something a bit untoward during a night on the town. What, according to witness statements, did the teacher and her husband allegedly do?

A) Got thrown out of a strip club.

B) The wife allegedly told a security guard she would "fuck him up."

C) Got in their car and allegedly did a tire-smoking "donut" in the parking lot of the strip club.

D) ...while the husband allegedly fired a shotgun several times out the window of the car.

E) All of the above.

Favorite

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Inquizator: Holt Condren

    Holt Condren is an explorer and entrepreneur based in Maumelle, the founder of Ink Custom Tees and the author of "Surf the Woods: The Ordinary Man's Trail Map to the Extraordinary Life." He's also featured in a new documentary, "Finding Noah," which follows a team of archeologists and theologians to Mount Ararat, in Turkey, on a search for Noah's Ark. The film will premiere with a multicity one-night-only screening at 7 p.m. Oct. 8.
    • Oct 1, 2015
  • The devil is in the details at the Arkansas state Capitol

    The proposed Ten Commandments monument vs. the Satanic Temple's proposed Baphomet statue.
    • Aug 17, 2016

Most Shared

  • Sarah Huckabee Sanders to be deputy White House press secretary

    Donald Trump announced additional White House staff today, notably including Sarah Huckabee Sanders, deputy assistant to the president and principal deputy press secretary.
  • Legislation filed for $10 million school voucher program

    The legislation to vastly expand transfer of state tax dollars to private schools came before the school choice day event I mentioned earlier.
  • Watch the trailer for 'Shelter,' the Renaud Bros. new doc on homeless kids in New Orleans

    Check out the trailer for "Shelter," the Renaud Bros. new feature-length documentary about homeless teens navigating life on the streets of New Orleans with the help of Covenant House, the longstanding French Quarter shelter for homeless kids.
  • Trumpeting

    When President-elect Trump announced he would, in a few days, force Congress to enact comprehensive health insurance for everyone, poor or rich, that would provide better and cheaper care than they've ever gotten, you had to wonder whether this guy is a miracle worker or a fool.
  • Putin and Trump

    Here's a thought exercise: What do you suppose would happen if Russian strongman Vladimir Putin decided to clarify remarks he reportedly made about Donald Trump during the election campaign?

Latest in The Big Picture

Visit Arkansas

1.73-carat diamond found at Crater of Diamonds State Park

1.73-carat diamond found at Crater of Diamonds State Park

Jack Pearadin and Doug Nelsen found a 1.73-carat diamond after nearly a year of searching the park's field.

Event Calendar

« »

January

S M T W T F S
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31  

Most Recent Comments

 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation