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Inconsequential News Quiz: Nuevo Detroit edition 

1. In April, a guest at a motel in Berryville called police after finding a nasty surprise in his room, apparently left there by a previous guest. What was it? A) Bathtub full of deer guts B) A live stick of dynamite C) A large, lubed-up eggplant D) Plastic tote full of 15 ball pythons

2. Little Rock had experienced 24 deaths classified as homicides by May 6 this year. How many homicides had the city experienced by May 6 last year?

A) 6 B) A Detroitian number C) 13 D) A kajillion

3. In April, a Little Rock man was arrested after he allegedly confessed to a crime that will clearly make next year's Thanksgiving dinner an awkward affair. What did police say he confessed to? A) Kicking the cane out from under his grandmother at the top of the steps. B) Robbing his sister's home while she was hospitalized, then threatening to kill her and her kids if she went to the police. C) Putting his father's ashes in the cat box. D) Teaching his brother's kids to sing the "Game of Thrones" theme song, with the lyrics being a repetition of the words "Peter Dinklage."

4. According to Conway's Log Cabin Democrat, a police officer responding to a call about a naked guy walking around a park there recently found a man wearing only small shorts that allegedly allowed his genitals to wag in the breeze. What, according to the paper, was part of the ensuing conversation between the man and the officer? A) "The officer told him he wasn't in Houston, Texas, anymore. He was in Arkansas." B) "The man eventually convinced the officer to take off his own pants." C) "'If you can't beat the heat,' the man told the deputy, 'you gotta free the meat.'" D) "The officer informed him that one does not, in fact, 'bait raccoons' that way."

5. A Star City High School social studies teacher was recently suspended from his job pending the investigation of certain extra-curricular activities in which he was allegedly involved. What was he allegedly up to?

A) Featured performer at Miss Sassy's House of Beefcake in Shreveport. B) Southern Poverty Law Center revealed that he was a frequent, pseudonymous poster on a prominent white-supremacist website. C) Voted for Obama. Twice. D) Revealed as one of two plucky brothers who spent several years in the 1980s eluding bumbling deputies, blowing up outhouses, destroying hundreds of police cars, and jumping convenient dirt ramps in their bright orange 1969 Dodge Charger.

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