Inconsequential News Quiz: Thank God and Greyhound, They're Gone! Edition 

Play at home, if it doesn't intrude on your religious freedom.


Play at home, if it doesn't intrude on your religious freedom.

1) Last week, as hundreds of LGBT people and their supporters turned out in Arkansas and Indiana to protest anti-LGBT "religious freedom" bills in both states, Sen. Tom Cotton appeared on CNN to say that LGBT folks needed to "get perspective" on the issue. What did Cotton say they should think about to help them reach "perspective"?

A) "Look on the bright side: at least you're not me."

B) "They should know that any deal they reach with Governors Hutchinson and Pence can be undone with the stroke of a pen by the next governor, so they should stop their attempts to get a nuclear bomb immediately."

C) "In Iran, they hang you for the crime of being gay."

D) "Danger, Will Robinson! Error! Error! Reboot!"

2) Which of the following is a real, cartoonishly evil accomplishment of the Republican-led 90th General Assembly?

A) House Bill 631, which authorizes any adult to literally snatch candy from the hand of a baby if the baby is "African-American, Latino, female, sets off one's 'gaydar', is being carried in one of those Baby Bjork [sic] hippie slings, or is currently in the company of an adult driving an automobile with a 'Co-Exist' bumper sticker."

B) Cut state support for public libraries by 18 percent in order to give Arkansas's richest people a capital gains tax cut.

C) Reinstated slavery in White County, because Rep. Bobby Jack Pecker (R-Pangburn) was "having a hell of a time keeping good help."

D) Passed The Bipartisan Friendship and Understanding Act, under which "a posse wielding bullwhips shall pursue all known liberals on horseback until exhaustion, at which time said Marxists shall be netted and dragged immediately to the nearest bus terminal, river port, rail yard or airport for immediate deportation to Masachusits [sic] or Californee [sic]."

3) Arkansas's professional photographers rose as one in their opposition to SB 79, which was eventually vetoed by Gov. Asa Hutchinson. Why did the state's crop of shutterbugs dislike SB 79?

A) Would have required one of them, picked by lottery, to shoot a "Men of the 90th General Assembly" nude photo spread.

B) Would have required a commercial photographer to get a signed release from every person appearing in a photograph — even in cases where dozens of people might happen to be in the background of a photo taken in a public place — or else he or she could be sued.

C) Stipulated that any LGBT person photographed in the state must hold up a sign that says "The Power of Christ Compels Me."

D) Outlawed all photography within the borders of Arkansas, due to Sen. Bart Hester's belief that cameras can totally steal your soul, dude.

4) Now that the Arkansas State Legislature has approved the construction of a "historic monument" featuring the Ten Commandments on State Capitol grounds, which of the following religious faiths could potentially make a convincing court argument that they, too, should have their own historic monument on the lawn of the Arkansas State Capitol?

A) Church of Satan

B) Church of Santa

C) First Church of Our Lord and Savior, Bob Seger

D) Temple of Thor (mythological and/or Marvel comic)

E) Blues Brotherhood of Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration

F) The Covenant, the Sword and the Arm of the Lord

G) Big Bob's Church and Used Mattress Warehouse

H) Faith-R-Us

I) The Tarantinoite Monastery

J) The Reformed Brantlians (Max Brantley, pope)

K) The Ku Klux Klan (est. 1865)

L) The KISStians

M) The Patient Disciples of Gozer the Gozerian from "Ghostbusters."

N) Apostles of the Blessed Reincarnation of Tony Alamo

O) All of the above! Bring your sacred text, hastily-printed pamphlet, ancient scroll or rune-covered animal hide and come on in!



Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Inquizator: Holt Condren

    Holt Condren is an explorer and entrepreneur based in Maumelle, the founder of Ink Custom Tees and the author of "Surf the Woods: The Ordinary Man's Trail Map to the Extraordinary Life." He's also featured in a new documentary, "Finding Noah," which follows a team of archeologists and theologians to Mount Ararat, in Turkey, on a search for Noah's Ark. The film will premiere with a multicity one-night-only screening at 7 p.m. Oct. 8.
    • Oct 1, 2015
  • The devil is in the details at the Arkansas state Capitol

    The proposed Ten Commandments monument vs. the Satanic Temple's proposed Baphomet statue.
    • Aug 17, 2016

Most Shared

  • Sarah Huckabee Sanders to be deputy White House press secretary

    Donald Trump announced additional White House staff today, notably including Sarah Huckabee Sanders, deputy assistant to the president and principal deputy press secretary.
  • Legislation filed for $10 million school voucher program

    The legislation to vastly expand transfer of state tax dollars to private schools came before the school choice day event I mentioned earlier.
  • Watch the trailer for 'Shelter,' the Renaud Bros. new doc on homeless kids in New Orleans

    Check out the trailer for "Shelter," the Renaud Bros. new feature-length documentary about homeless teens navigating life on the streets of New Orleans with the help of Covenant House, the longstanding French Quarter shelter for homeless kids.
  • Trumpeting

    When President-elect Trump announced he would, in a few days, force Congress to enact comprehensive health insurance for everyone, poor or rich, that would provide better and cheaper care than they've ever gotten, you had to wonder whether this guy is a miracle worker or a fool.
  • Putin and Trump

    Here's a thought exercise: What do you suppose would happen if Russian strongman Vladimir Putin decided to clarify remarks he reportedly made about Donald Trump during the election campaign?

Latest in The Big Picture

Visit Arkansas

1.73-carat diamond found at Crater of Diamonds State Park

1.73-carat diamond found at Crater of Diamonds State Park

Jack Pearadin and Doug Nelsen found a 1.73-carat diamond after nearly a year of searching the park's field.

Event Calendar

« »


1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31  

Most Recent Comments


© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation