Inconsequential News Quiz: Trial by combat edition 


click to enlarge thebigpicture1-1-13076b80b1679ba4.jpg

1) In July, the City Council of Pine Bluff voted unanimously to do something that might have been surprising to some. What was the vote about?

A) To evacuate and abandon Pine Bluff, shocking many who thought the city was already abandoned.

B) To rename the large pile of bricks and splintered lumber that has blocked Main Street for months "Mt. Pine Bluff."

C) To rescind the medals of valor awarded to members of the Pine Bluff Police Department SWAT team for a 2013 incident in which they stormed the bedroom of a 107-year-old man holed up inside with a gun and shot him to death.

D) To name Arnold's Catfish Place in Pine Bluff a city, state and national treasure (seriously, you should go).

2) In early August, robot-related news from Arkansas went viral online. What happened?

A) Long-haul trucker Dusty Merkin of Paragould filed for divorce after learning his wife, Wanda, had built "a love bot" from washing machine parts while he was away.

B) Sen. Tom Cotton (a.k.a.: Cottontron 5000) unexpectedly became self-aware following a lightning strike on Koch Industries during his yearly overhaul and oil change.

C) Drone camera hovering near the Governor's Mansion outed Governor Hutchinson as a fan of naked hula hooping, with the video immediately seized by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention as a potential mental health hazard.

D) A Little Rock resident posted on Facebook about the horrors that resulted when his "Roomba" robot vacuum ran over a pile of dog shit while the family was sleeping, then proceeded to smear it all over the house.

3) Peak irony was reached in a recent Facebook post by Little Rock homeless champion Aaron Reddin (facebook.com/itsthevan) in which Reddin said a homeless man told him he had been kicked out of The Compassion Center, a Little Rock shelter, because the man ...

A) Refused to provide the staff with wise, Oprahesque platitudes to help them find meaning in their solidly middle-class lives.

B) Couldn't stop crying.

C) Didn't know the words to a single song from "O Brother, Where Art Thou?"

D) Asked to sleep in one of the dozens of church sanctuaries all over the city that sit dry, air-conditioned and empty most nights of the year between dusk and dawn.

4) Recently, officials with the Miss Arkansas Pageant decided to make a change that's sure to be controversial. What was the change?

A) After 58 years in Hot Springs, the pageant will move to Little Rock in 2017.

B) The pageant will no longer be called a "scholarship competition" in favor of the more accurate "future trophy wife casting call."

C) Next year's crown to be made of three pounds of peanut brittle, which must be eaten by Miss Arkansas 2018 in under 15 minutes in order to assume the title.

D) The winner will henceforth be decided through Trial by Combat as seen on "Game of Thrones." Hulga "The Mountains" Hopewell of White County is an early favorite to win.

5) Sept. 28 is sure to be an interesting day for those who live and work in downtown Little Rock. What's happening that day?

A) It's Consequence Free Day, the once-a-decade 24-hour period in which all crimes are legal, as seen in the 2013 film "The Purge." Most Little Rock residents should notice no change.

B) Bring Your Tiger to Work Day.

C) Arkansas Travelers mascot Otey the Swamp Possum will be released back into the wild. We can only pray he never kills again.

D) The Broadway Bridge, a crucial artery for traffic over the Arkansas River, is closing that morning for the start of a six-month replacement project.



Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Inquizator: Holt Condren

    Holt Condren is an explorer and entrepreneur based in Maumelle, the founder of Ink Custom Tees and the author of "Surf the Woods: The Ordinary Man's Trail Map to the Extraordinary Life." He's also featured in a new documentary, "Finding Noah," which follows a team of archeologists and theologians to Mount Ararat, in Turkey, on a search for Noah's Ark. The film will premiere with a multicity one-night-only screening at 7 p.m. Oct. 8.
    • Oct 1, 2015
  • The devil is in the details at the Arkansas state Capitol

    The proposed Ten Commandments monument vs. the Satanic Temple's proposed Baphomet statue.
    • Aug 17, 2016

Most Shared

  • World leaders set to meet in Little Rock on resource access and sustainable development

    Next week a series of meetings on the use of technology to tackle global problems will be held in Little Rock by Club de Madrid — a coalition of more than 100 former democratic former presidents and prime ministers from around the world — and the P80 Group, a coalition of large public pension and sovereign wealth funds founded by Prince Charles to combat climate change. The conference will discuss deploying existing technologies to increase access to food, water, energy, clean environment, and medical care.
  • Tomb to table: a Christmas feast offered by the residents of Mount Holly and other folk

    Plus, recipes from the Times staff.
  • Fake news

    So fed up was young Edgar Welch of Salisbury, N.C., that Hillary Clinton was getting away with running a child-sex ring that he grabbed a couple of guns last Sunday, drove 360 miles to the Comet Ping Pong pizzeria in Washington, D.C., where Clinton was supposed to be holding the kids as sex slaves, and fired his AR-15 into the floor to clear the joint of pizza cravers and conduct his own investigation of the pedophilia syndicate of the former first lady, U.S. senator and secretary of state.
  • Reality TV prez

    There is almost nothing real about "reality TV." All but the dullest viewers understand that the dramatic twists and turns on shows like "The Bachelor" or "Celebrity Apprentice" are scripted in advance. More or less like professional wrestling, Donald Trump's previous claim to fame.
  • Arkansas archeologist does his job, is asked to leave

    Amid Department of Arkansas Heritage project.

Latest in The Big Picture

Visit Arkansas

View Trumpeter Swans in Heber Springs

View Trumpeter Swans in Heber Springs

Magness Lake, in Heber Springs, is a magnet for swans

Event Calendar

« »


  1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31

Most Viewed

Most Recent Comments

  • Re: The Observer

    • So this is for your article you put out right after trump got elected. It…

    • on December 10, 2016
  • Re: Only Arkansas law makes same-sex couples different

    • Nancy Colburn aka, Nancy richard colburn, or nlcolburn@gmail.com. Has a pile of shit husband who…

    • on December 10, 2016
  • Re: Arkansas medical marijuana supporters are back

    • ORDER YOUR PRODUCTS AT VERY GOOD PRICES WITH GUARANTEED DELIVERY WORLDWIDE. email at:(jonesjacks155@gmail.com) email at:(jonesjacks155@gmail.com)…

    • on December 10, 2016

© 2016 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation