1. On Oct. 20, organizers held an event on top of Hot Springs Mountain that they hoped would draw up to 10,000 people, but which only drew 500. What was it?
A) A secret ritual by local Republican/Neo-Confederate State Rep. Loy Mauch that hoped to resurrect and then re-assassinate President Abraham Lincoln.
B) An attempt at making the world's largest pan of cornbread, which required a 1,200-pound skillet and 300 gallons of buttermilk to be helicoptered to the top of the mountain.
C) An "om circle" which sought to magnify the gathering's peaceful vibrations through the quartz crystal in the surrounding hills in order to fulfill a Native American prophecy.
D) Jigglefest 2012, which bills itself as "The Ark-La-Tex's Largest Annual Gathering of Plus-Size Nudists."
2. While recently stumping for Republican Todd "Women Can't Get Pregnant from Legitimate Rape" Akin in Missouri, former Arkansas first lady Janet Huckabee reportedly fired up the crowd to go vote for Akin by telling them something rather alarming. What was it?
A) "I'm not going to hold a revolver to your head, but I could. I'm packing most of the time."
B) "You all have lovely pets. It would be a shame if something happened to them."
C) "I support Todd Akin not because he's the smartest person in the world, but because I believe he's the second-stupidest person in this race!"
D) "Please don't make me send the Young Republicans over to your house. They only believe in lower taxation, the corrective power of the free market, and pain."
3. Speaking of Huckabees, following the debate between Vice President Joe Biden and Republican VP candidate Paul Ryan — in which it was generally acknowledged that Biden mopped the floor with his opponent — former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee said Biden had acted like ...
A) "That creepy cousin your mom will never let you be alone with."
B) "Heavyweight champion Floyd 'The Gentleman of Boxing' Patterson."
C) "An obnoxious drunk."
4. Not to toot our own horn, but the Arkansas Times is sponsoring a visit to Arkansas by The West Memphis Three's Jason Baldwin on Dec. 12. Why is Baldwin coming to town?
A) To prove he's perfectly comfortable walking the streets of Arkansas while surrounded at all times by a dozen civil rights attorneys holding hands.
B) West Memphis is beautiful this time of year.
C) To participate in a panel discussion on cameras in the courtroom with "Devil's Knot" author Mara Leveritt and "Paradise Lost" director Joe Berlinger at the Clinton School.
D) Because he can.
5. In the race for House District 69, a potentially embarrassing bit of information about Republican challenger Dwight Hoyle was recently revealed by Democrats. What was it?
A) Hoyle was arrested for filing a false police report in 1996 after he said five lawnmowers were stolen from his business. Police later found the mowers in his front yard.
B) Hoyle was the inspiration for Matthew McConaughey's character in the movie "Magic Mike."
C) Hoyle is an avid Radio Disney listener.
D) A secret audio recording of Hoyle saying he doesn't really care for the films of Ronald Reagan.
6. Judsonia native turned international pop music superstar Beth Ditto recently released her memoir "Coal to Diamonds." What does she say was one of her dad's favorite meals when she was a girl?
A) Roasted pig ear, stuffed with mac and cheese.
B) Boiled squirrel brains, sucked out through the nose.
C) Deer testicle, served with a Vienna sausage and Thunderbird wine reduction.
D) Goat kneecap sandwich.
Not one word about marijuana legalization which would go a long way towards solving this…