Favorite

nconsequential News Quiz: Black Friday hangover edition 

1. Police in Jonesboro said that the target of an alleged "hit" recently found out about the alleged murder-for-hire plot in a fairly unusual way. How did investigators say he found out?

A) Note from an anonymous source, made up of letters clipped from "Cat Fancy" magazine. B) Overcoat-and-fedora-wearing man under the viaduct on Cherry Street. Come alone. C) Warned in barks and snarls by his faithful collie. D) The man who police say wanted him dead accidentally "butt-dialed" the intended victim on his cell phone while discussing the plot with the hitman.

2. Texarkana plumber Jim Peek recently filed a $90,000 lien in connection with work he did at the Arkansas Convention Center in that city, but was never paid for. What did Peek tell a reporter was the reason he should be paid?

A) "It's Christmastime, and my kids want the G.I. Joe with the kung fu grip!" B) "Brown plus yellow equals green!" C) "I've got hip waders, a pipe wrench and a motorized auger. Do they wanna do this the easy way, or the hard way?" D) "You know the ending of 'Shawshank Redemption'? My job is just like that. Not the beach part. The 'crawled through a river of excrement' part."

3. Conway recently spent $133,000 on a holiday-themed decoration for the city. What was it?

A) Giant candy cane made of methamphetamine. B) Mummified corpse of Bing Crosby.C) Arkansas's largest fake Christmas tree. D) Randolph the Shitfaced Fratboy.

4. According to beardcalendar.com, the website for a 12-month calendar featuring bearded men from Fayetteville, which of the following will the photos in the calendar include?

A) "Really short shorts." B) "Dudes who take beards very seriously." C) "Chicken and sparklers." D) All of the above.

5. Two comedians appearing on TBS's "The Pete Holmes Show" recently talked about attending a taping of former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee's Fox News show "Huckabee." According to them, what was the most surprising thing about their visit to the "Huckabee" studio?

A) Fox News headquarters was carpeted in 100 percent puppy skin. B) One whole wall of the studio was a mirror, to make the audience appear bigger. C) During taping, a man in a bowler hat stood just offstage and kept a large tranquilizer gun aimed at Huckabee's chest at all times. D) Rupert Murdoch is actually around the size of a Cornish game hen.

6. Former Republican state legislator Charlie Fuqua — who is currently running for a House seat in the state legislature — wrote a 2012 book called "God's Law: The Only Political Solution," which says (among other wackjobbery) that the death penalty should be available for a rather surprising "crime." What's one infraction which Fuqua said should warrant The Big Adios?

A) Children being disrespectful to their parents. B) Movie theater cell phone use (actually, we support this one). C) White shoes after Labor Day. D) Farting and blaming it on the dog.

Favorite

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Inquizator: Holt Condren

    Holt Condren is an explorer and entrepreneur based in Maumelle, the founder of Ink Custom Tees and the author of "Surf the Woods: The Ordinary Man's Trail Map to the Extraordinary Life." He's also featured in a new documentary, "Finding Noah," which follows a team of archeologists and theologians to Mount Ararat, in Turkey, on a search for Noah's Ark. The film will premiere with a multicity one-night-only screening at 7 p.m. Oct. 8.
    • Oct 1, 2015
  • The devil is in the details at the Arkansas state Capitol

    The proposed Ten Commandments monument vs. the Satanic Temple's proposed Baphomet statue.
    • Aug 17, 2016

Most Shared

  • World leaders set to meet in Little Rock on resource access and sustainable development

    Little Rock will next week host a series of meetings on the use of technology to tackle global problems led by Club de Madrid — a coalition of more than 100 former democratic former presidents and prime ministers from around the world — and the P80 Group, a coalition of large public pension and sovereign wealth funds founded by Prince Charles to combat climate change.
  • Rapert compares Bill Clinton to Orval Faubus

    Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Conway)  was on "Capitol View" on KARK, Channel 4, this morning, and among other things that will likely inspire you to yell at your computer screen, he said he expects someone in the legislature to file a bill to do ... something about changing the name of the Bill and Hillary Clinton National Airport.

Latest in The Big Picture

Visit Arkansas

View Trumpeter Swans in Heber Springs

View Trumpeter Swans in Heber Springs

Magness Lake, in Heber Springs, is a magnet for swans

Event Calendar

« »

December

S M T W T F S
  1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31

Most Viewed

  • Tomb to table

    A Christmas feast offered by the residents of Mount Holly and other folk.
  • 2017 legislature spreads its wings

    Also, Asa on Trump, schmoozing schedule and more.
  • Legislative perks

  • The sweet hereafter

    This week, the Arkansas Times falls back on that oldest of old chestnuts: a recipe issue. Being who we are, of course, we had to put a twist on that; namely, the fact that most of the recipes you'll find in these pages are courtesy of people who have shuffled off to that great kitchen in the sky, where the Good Lord is always whipping up new things in his toque and apron, running the great mixers of genetics and time, maybe presenting the batter-dipped beaters and bowls to Jesus for a lick down.
  • Arkansas archeologist does his job, is asked to leave

    Amid Department of Arkansas Heritage project.

Most Recent Comments

 

© 2016 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation