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Those pictures of President Bush and the Saudi prince kissing and holding hands doesn’t mean that our president is gay. It is only liberals and Democrats and the mainstream news media that are saying that, or implying it, snickering about it — them and people that believe in abortion, evolution, and in starving that poor Florida woman to death. The fact is, men making out with one another like that is just a custom in some cultures and foreign countries. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s considered impolite if you don’t do it. Refusing to do it is considered rude and can even be interpreted as hostile, which, before you know it, can lead to nuclear war. In this case, the president was trying to talk the prince into lowering gasoline pump prices for you and me, and how much success do you think he would’ve had if the prince had considered him rude? The prince would’ve said “Raise it to $3!” in a heartbeat. Of course the president could have shown a little less enthusiasm in making these gestures of affection. He might have done his part a little more stiffly, maybe making a quick little “yeewww” face for the camera to reassure his supporters that he was only behaving this way because it was protocol. Maybe doing a brief witty little pantomime of gagging. In these other cultures, it doesn’t detract from a man’s manliness if he kisses and fondles and gropes another man like the president and the prince were doing. You’ve seen the pictures of Mussolini doing it, and he just about invented macho. Old Khrushchev did it all the time, and he sure wasn’t any poster boy for gayness. Russia put homos on one of those gulags and froze them to death. Try gaying around out there and the cold would break your instrument off. Old Arafat was a big one for big juicy smacky kisses, and all that stubble must’ve made it like kissing a combination camel and cactus. Not that it would’ve bothered Old Clinton, who was always turned on by any perverted sex action from any quarter, and Jimmy Carter seemed oddly unbothered by it, too. That’s not saying that Jimmy Carter might’ve been gay, either. Maybe he was and maybe he wasn’t. His party is the one that’s oh-so-lenient on this question, however, if that means anything. So there you have examples of Fascist, Communist, and Ayrab men kissing up a storm and nobody says anything about it, but let our president try one little polite peck to bring oil prices down and suddenly there’s this hurricane of yelling Gay! Gay! Gay! Ask this Coulter woman on the cover of Time if this gay-yelling agenda is not treason. Ask some of the manlier columnists like George Will if President Bush is gay. He is not gay. Here are some questions that prove it. • Would a gay man have proudly endorsed the amendment to make gay marrying a crime? • How many gay men have a ranch? • Among the many authors he’s never read a book written by is Oscar Wilde, the famous gay. • Liberace didn’t do a thing for him. • If he were gay, would he always be “huddling” with Tom DeLay or taking Tom DeLay aboard Air Force One for “pleasure” trips, knowing the liberal news media would make that out to be like Michael Jackson and those little boys at Neverland? • If he were gay, wouldn’t he have some songs by Gomer Pyle on his iPod? • If he were even rumored to be gay, wouldn’t these agenda types be demanding a sample of his DNA like they got from Old Clinton, so they could compare it with that of his daughters, proving that he was their genuine authentic daddy and was therefore definitely positively not gay? • If he were gay, wouldn’t he have a better eye for fashion? • Wouldn’t there be more gaily-patterned futons around the White House? Anyway, those pictures of him cavorting with the Saudi prince were probably edited to make them look gayer than what actually occurred. Don’t you think deep down that even the Boyfriends of Barney Frank Democrats know that this was just innocent horseplay? In short, President Bush is not gay. He’s not the blatant type of gay or the latent type. His wife Laura isn’t gay and their daughters may be strumpets or winos or whatever the tabloids say, but they aren’t gay. His brother Jeb shows up on a lot of gaydars but isn’t gay. Vice President Cheney and his wife Lynne aren’t gay and their daughter shouldn’t be described as gay so much as not having yet found the right man. Karl Rove and Bro. Falwell aren’t gay despite the raised eyebrows over their warm friendship, and Justices Scalia and Thomas aren’t gay, especially not with each other. J. Edgar Hoover was only gay when he was Mary. President Bush’s favorite philosopher Jesus Christ, though definitely a guy guy, was not gay. As founder of the Christian Right, St. Paul couldn’t have been gay. Nor could Republican Party founder Abraham Lincoln, though suspicions linger about Walt Whitman, the poet who wrote about him. All right, it’s more than suspicion withWalt Whitman. He and Socrates and Michelangelo and some other people WERE gay. But not President Bush.
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