Favorite

Observer, Dec. 18 

So first the cat gets hit by a car, which means a trip to the emergency vet in Maumelle in the wee hours and then back in the a.m. to get him to his real vet to learn just what is meant by “It costs an arm and a leg” and then to the Christmas tree place to pick out the perfect tree but wait must return home to get the tree stand and then go back at the Christmas tree place to find the perfect tree has been mistakenly sold, but the folks are nice and we get to choose another tree and they even put it in the tree stand so this year we won't be hooking it up to the window with fishing line, hurrah, so back home with tree and also garland we picked up and we arrive and see our yard with new eyes, that is, it's knee deep in leaves and there's not point in decorating the door if you can't see it for the leaves so those have to be raked first and bagged and put on the corner and only then can the garland go up, but first you have to untangle the lights and find the ones that are still good or at least part of the strand is good so you can wrap them around the garland while you're on top of a ladder in gale force winds, but you survive that and begin the indoor cleaning because you can't put up a tree and decorate the mantel when the whole house is covered in dog hair and other detritus, like a month of mail on the dining room table that hasn't been waxed or otherwise wiped off since the Mayflower landed so you get out the vacuum cleaner and the dust cloth and a basket to pile all the stuff in and finally, the room is ready to decorate so it's up to the attic to get the eight boxes of ornaments and mantel stuff and wrapping paper and it's down again, many trips, to the living room where you can finally start decorating the tree, but by then you're exhausted and it's time to get a little sleep before the Christmas bird count the next day at all the scenic minnow ponds in Lonoke and only after that can you start on the tree, which by golly has not fallen over, and about three hours later, the angel is on top, the aluminum hash pipe makes its 40th anniversary appearance on a small limb in the back, the ornaments are hanging on barely, the dog has wagged off only a few from the bottom and it's done and you're ready for the holiday, and it's going to be a good one because the cat survived but it's going to be a lean one because the cat survived. Merry Christmas, right?

 

Driving back from a friend's Christmas party out in the sticks near Roland last Saturday night, The Observer hit a skunk. The night was clear and chilly, but for whatever reason we had the window down on our pickup truck and an elbow jutted out the window, listening to the radio and enjoying the world. Now our granddaddy always told us to avoid the urge to swerve if anything on four legs darted out in front of us — better to lose a few karma points by killing an animal than to take the chance of crashing ourselves. But when we saw that it was a skunk toddling into the cone of our headlights, our nose screamed “Swerve, you idiot! Swerve!” We swerved, the tail end of Le Ford Peekup swinging out just enough on the rebound to scare the hell out of the driver. Even at that, we somehow managed to smush the hell out of the skunk with both our front and back wheels. Hasta La Vista, Pepe le Pew.

The good news is, we didn't have the horrific roll-over that we had envisioned in the split second before we swerved. The bad news is, this particular skunk had apparently just been to the local skunk bar, where he had downed a few beers, then a few shots of tequila, and maybe a couple quarts of water. What we're saying is: he was juicy.

By the time The Observer got home — all the way across town — some 20 minutes later, the tissue we'd stuffed up our schnozz had completely stopped working, and the skunk-stink had seeped into our pores. Eyes burning and stomach boiling, we parked waaaay up the street from The Observatory. Then we staggered away, praying for a good, hard rain. The skunk, we've found, is an instant karma kind of animal.

 

Favorite

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

More by Arkansas Times Staff

Readers also liked…

  • I'm sorry

    I'm sorry we stood by while your generation's hope was smothered by $1.3 trillion in student loan debt, just because you were trying to educate yourselves enough to avoid falling for the snake oil and big talk of a fascist.
    • Nov 17, 2016
  • Snake stories

    The Observer's boss, Uncle Alan, is something of a gentleman farmer on his spread up in Cabot, growing heirloom tomatoes and watermelons and crops of chiggers on property that looks like the perfect farmstead Lenny and George often fantasized about in "Of Mice and Men."
    • Aug 27, 2015
  • Show and tell

    The Observer is an advocate of the A+ method of integrating the arts and using creativity to teach across the curriculum, an approach that the Thea Foundation, with help from the Windgate Charitable Foundation, is offering to schools across the state.
    • Feb 25, 2016

Most Shared

  • Sarah Huckabee Sanders to be deputy White House press secretary

    Donald Trump announced additional White House staff today, notably including Sarah Huckabee Sanders, deputy assistant to the president and principal deputy press secretary.
  • Legislation filed for $10 million school voucher program

    The legislation to vastly expand transfer of state tax dollars to private schools came before the school choice day event I mentioned earlier.
  • Watch the trailer for 'Shelter,' the Renaud Bros. new doc on homeless kids in New Orleans

    Check out the trailer for "Shelter," the Renaud Bros. new feature-length documentary about homeless teens navigating life on the streets of New Orleans with the help of Covenant House, the longstanding French Quarter shelter for homeless kids.
  • Trumpeting

    When President-elect Trump announced he would, in a few days, force Congress to enact comprehensive health insurance for everyone, poor or rich, that would provide better and cheaper care than they've ever gotten, you had to wonder whether this guy is a miracle worker or a fool.
  • Putin and Trump

    Here's a thought exercise: What do you suppose would happen if Russian strongman Vladimir Putin decided to clarify remarks he reportedly made about Donald Trump during the election campaign?

Latest in The Observer

  • Memories of Townsend

    Vernon Tucker, musician and former Arkansas Times writer, asked for The Observer space this week to remember Townsend Wolfe. Why not? What follows is memory of early days at the Arts Center.
    • Jan 19, 2017
  • Weird trivia

    When completed, the Ten Commandments monument on the state Capitol lawn will be the exact size, shape and weight of the vaguely humming black monolith that appeared at the foot of Conway Sen. Jason Rapert's bed in June 2010 and later elevated his consciousness from apelike semi-sentience to incrementally less apelike semi-sentience.
    • Jan 12, 2017
  • Resolutions

    No more clinging to material things, unless those material things are life preservers tossed as I go down for the third and final time, the few remaining strands of my once-majestic locks, or the skids of the last helicopter out before the fall of Little Rock.
    • Jan 5, 2017
  • More »

Visit Arkansas

1.73-carat diamond found at Crater of Diamonds State Park

1.73-carat diamond found at Crater of Diamonds State Park

Jack Pearadin and Doug Nelsen found a 1.73-carat diamond after nearly a year of searching the park's field.

Event Calendar

« »

January

S M T W T F S
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31  

Most Recent Comments

 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation