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Turkey day is coming up, which means the cable channels have left the keys with the lowliest intern, told him not to touch anything, and scheduled mind-numbing marathons of audience faves. Here, in no particular order, is what's playing on some of the popular channels during their Thanksgiving view-a-thons.
SPIKE TV: 9 a.m. - 8 p.m.
Documentary-style show about great gang wars through time, from the Bloods and the Crips to the Hatfields and McCoys.
DISCOVERY CHANNEL: 10 a.m. - 8 p.m.
Jaime Hynemann and Adam Savage use science to separate truth from myth in urban legends.
BRAVO: 10 a.m - 6 p.m
Millionaire Matchmaker marathon
Matchmaker-to-the-stars Patti Stanger helps lovelorn Master of the Universe-types and various over-pumped golddiggers feel the sting of cupid's arrow. Don't forget that prenup!
TLC: 6 a.m. - midnight
Cake Boss marathon
Pastry artist Buddy Valastro and his team take cakes waaaaay beyond that bitchin' sheet cake with the dinosaur you had for your sixth birthday party.
SYFY: 8 a.m - 3 a.m. (Friday)
James Bond marathon
Watch 007 shoot, screw and quip his way through his myriad incarnations, from Connery to Craig.
LIFETIME: 8 a.m. - midnight
Will and Grace marathon
A gay dude and a redhead live in a trendy place, or something like that. I'm just guessing here, because the only thing I know about this show is that I hate it.
TRU TV: 6 a.m. - 2 a.m. (Friday)
World's Dumbest Criminals marathon
Surveillance footage of criminals doing stupid stuff on their way to the hoosegow, accompanied by a chorus of B-list commentators.
E!: 10 a.m. - 8 p.m.
Keeping up with the Kardashians marathon
The supernaturally beautiful clan (and man-handed Amazonian Khloe) spend money like water while looking fabulous.
A&E: 8 a.m. - midnight
The First 48 marathon
Real-life detectives track murderers in this rare behind-the-curtain look at the world of homicide investigation.
AMC: 10:30 a.m. - midnight
The Godfather marathon
Wisely leaving "Godfather III" in the vaults, AMC makes an offer we can't refuse in this marathon screening of parts I and II.
BBC AMERICA: 8 a.m. - 7 p.m.
Star Trek: The Next Generation marathon
n Seventy-five years after the original "Star Trek" series, Enterprise captain Jean Luc Picard and his crew surf the universe, trying to find all Captain Kirk's bi-species offspring.
FX: 7 a.m. - midnight
Kung Fu Panda marathon
Jack Black stars in this animated romp as a panda who yearns to do kung fu.
THE HISTORY CHANNEL: 7 a.m. - midnight
Ancient Aliens marathon
Here, in a startling addition to the work of historians Doris Kearns Goodwin and John Hope Franklin, the "History" Channel gins up some dubious bullshit about aliens.