Arkansas Blog

You know....there is a serious problem facing all of us in the US, and it isn't Islamic terrorism. We need only look around us, or possibly in the mirror, to see why Osama doesn't give a hoot if he gets to attack us again on this continent. We seem determined to provide a ready pool of America's finest young people for the target practice of those Osama might inspire, and as was noted by the old Soviet Union, the US can be "buried without firing a shot". I think this sordid tale is only the symptom of an illness that is much more serious to the US than terrorism. Our greatest threat is our greed, gluttony, and hubris. Today and self (I want what I want and when I want it) is all that matters to too many Americans.

True, as the article indicated, journaling can be cathartic. Even my gripey posts about kiddies and in-laws have that effect. But, and it's a biggie, I take pains to conceal the identities of the guilty, myself included.
All this soul baring brings to mind the experience of an elderly friend who was devoted to her mother and nursed her through her lengthy final illness, a 24 hour a day job much of the time. After her mother's death, daughter set about clearing out the old lady's house.
In the process, she found letters that should have been destroyed decades ago. Seems that when the mother was a young married with a husband sailing the world and home only a few weeks at a time before the next trip, she found solace with a male friend. The dalliance continued for many years, including during the time when the daughter was born.
In the time it took to read a letter, my friend's ideas of her parents' relationship were destroyed. Given that neither she nor her children and grandchildren bore a shred of resemblance to her sailor father, she decided that he was not her biological father.
She talked about the letters repeatedly until she too descended into Alzheimer's years later. During that time, I don't think I ever heard her refer to her mother in the same tone of voice or with the same loving attitude she had previously.
Some things are best buried forever, but when today's bloggers figure this out it will be too late. It won't be a bunch of letters that can be burned and gone forever. All the family dirty linen will be out there for everyone to see -- and use to judge the next generation.

Boy, this brings several things to mind all at once. First is that as far back in history as we can go, there are many examples of things designed to make us behave well. The Bible, the church, stories of burning in hell forever, peer pressure, the fear of public embarrassment, most aspects of schooling, that look only your mother can give you......so why not the fear of being exposed to the world via the Internet?

Since I was about 5, I've worked hard to make women feel loved and needed and lusted after and though many didn't respond, I know they noted the attention and had some feeling of all is well. So I can't figure out a man who refuses to pester his wife for sex at all times. I'm glad this woman outed this man. I'd happily toss him out of the Man Club! Boo-ray on him!

As far as parents go....I know in my own case that Ma must have only lowered herself to sexual desire 2 times in her whole life, resulting in the birth of myself and my dead little brother. And as far as my children are concerned, it must appear to them that my wife and I only "did it" twice. Lord knows wifey and I have done everything possible to appear to have a total lack of sexual desire...for the children's sake. Blessed be our names.....

But, as we grow older, my wife and I have made a pact that at the right moment at the end of our lives, all the old computers and computer disks and several secret journals kept in quiet desperation during rough patches in our marriage will be carried to the top of the Arkansas-Oklahoma bridge and be tossed off into the river by some hunky clueless high school lad paid well to do the chore without questions. Then in later years when our daughters have their own sticky marital problems they can visit our graves and feel extra bad about themselves because their parents were saints. As we all should know by now, the best way to inflict harm to your children from the grave is to always appear to be perfect.

I visited with a couple yesterday who have been married 72 years. Nicer people you'll never find. Good looking old old people surrounded by a hundred years of beautiful pictures recording every decade of their lives. All that was missing was Norman Rockwell to document in oil the very last years of the cutest couple. They have matching his & her rolling walker things, they finish each other's sentences. At 94, she has to redirect him a little bit, but I know from experience that wives take on that job very early in a marriage anyway.

After riding the rails out west dodging railroad bulls early in the Depression and a short stint in the US Army Horse Cavalry, he met her in a dance hall in Denver in 1935 when she was just 16. She was there on orders from her mother to bird dog her older sister. Early the next year the young lovers eloped and here we are 72 years later. Come on Norman.....paint us! You've never seen a happier married couple, but.....

I'm sure if I had injected the old couple with truth serum, I'd find they had some drama and intrigue, a lot of poor choices made, mistakes, lies, falling outs and making ups. You know.....a normal long term marriage. As interesting as it might be, I would have run to the car and screeched my tires driving off if suddenly one of them said, "Remember that time in 1947 when I caught you FK'ing the neighbor?" But so many times that is the truth about a life and as they say, the truth will set you free.

We spend our time doing things good and bad and at times covering things up like a tom cat hunched up in the back yard. What do we owe our children? The truth? Or a Hallmark channel movie? One makes them feel bad about us. The other makes them feel bad about themselves when things get rough in their own lives. Did Jesus walk on water? Was your father the only man on earth without a direct connection between his penis and his brain?

Being an adult is messy and now that each of us have the power of advertising on the Internet equal to General Motors.....problems will arise. So let this be a warning.......behave better!

Lordy, DBI, you bring up things I think about most every day, now that I'm growing
older by the minute......letters, journals, pictures...........I should make a bonfire but, I
tell myself, Just one more day, I'll do it tomorrow.......seems like burning up a good chunk
of my life and I'm just not ready to do that.