Arkansas Blog

So Huck's imaginary friend has been talking to him again. He's sorta right....I'm so sick of rabid crazy Christians I could punch the next one that gets in my face. But I don't think that's got much to do with Hitler invading Poland. I don't want to invade Christians, I just want them to leave me the FK alone. Big difference.

60 Minutes had a story of the killing of the Christians in Iraq since W invaded to steal all the oil. Seems the bad guys, whatever we're calling them this week, seem to think that since the invaders from the US are Christians, then all Christians in Iraq are spies and enablers of the US. Here in America, we're sorta thinking the same thing about Muslims on our soil, or about anyone with a dark complexion and a funny name. The difference between the US and Iraq is that religion in Iraq is so much more advanced than religion in the US. Their governments or lack there of, have let the crazy religious people in Iraq run hog wild for decades, so while we only harass non-Christians, over there they kill non-Muslims.

Don't worry though, if people like Huck get their ways and keep fanning these flames of a fake war against Christianity, it won't be too many more years before Methodists start walking into crowded Wal-Mart Super Centers with bombs strapped to their chests. What would Christianity be without a good dose of paranoia? Huck has gotten where he is today riding this fake call to arms and as Mrs. Bush says, it's worked out very well for him indeed.

I hope the Arkansas Times will pick out another one of Fox News commentators to blog about in the future and not just show favoritism to Arkansas's favorite crazy Christian son.....it's just not fair and balanced to spotlight only one of Fox's commentators all the time. My family is a-craving more Brett Hume news! What color socks do he wear? Does Brett see God as the whipping boy of the Volvo set too? Enough Huck....more Brett!

Tis a sad case, that Friar Huck, the new captain of the Military-Religious complex.

This is off subject: There is an article in Hussman's paper about small town cable companies who feel they should be exempt from carrying HD channels claiming they will have to remove some programming if they are required to carry HD. Hussman never sleeps when it comes to making his cable systems suck even more. Just because he's got the only cable lines tacked to poles in these little towns he thinks it is a monopoly.

Thank you for your time. Now back to your regular programming.

Oh, for Fuck's sake...and we're living in the END TIMES right now, too, don't you know...somebody cue chasv in 3, 2, 1...

War Hawk Huck does not speak for this Christian.
I can tell you that as a Methodist, we as a whole are way too rational to do the bombing ourselves. We will find some sneaky way to get the Baptist to do it for us.

Yet another kool-aid party. I suppose we should learn
to sit down when Chuck Berry is being played.
Not me. I want Huck on the electric bass, boppin
tight boogie asses along to the beat on Chuck Berry could do

Go Johnnie Go.

If you have a "shining city on a hill", then why do you need a "beacon" too? I mean, wouldn't a shining city work about the same as a beacon? Were those no-bid contracts on that city & beacon? Typical REpugnikun excess, putting money in the pockets of Haliburton.

Huckabee is the slipperiest con artist since Dudl;ey LeBlanc invented Hadacol.

When it suits Huck, he can be a shape-shifter who manifests as:

A) A corny rock bass guitar shit-kicker band mamber

B) A Christian in whose mouth butter will not melt as he admonishes voters to be tolerant of guys with funny names

C) A Lonesome Rhodes mesmerizer who can use radio and TV like Kurt Mazur conducts the New York Philharmonic

D) A fire-eating pulpit-thumper raging, raging against the darkness

E) A wounded friar who can't believe his grasping nature ever draws questions about his essential character

F) A good ol' boy right at home in a duck swamp or plunking at a tom turkey

I am in the process of crafting a snappy retort to the following e-mail, and would very much appreciate any input from you smart and witty posters:

"A good story you can tell even your youngest child and they will know the difference between a liberal Democrat and a conservative Republican.

I remember the time that Catherine, one of my daughter Shannon's friends when she was little, told me that she wanted to be President one day. Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

Catherine replied, "I would give houses to all the homeless people."

"Wow, what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine." I told her, "You don't have to wait until you are President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in the back yard and I will pay you $5. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 to use for a new house."

Catherine, who was about 4, thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me, and Catherine replied, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog p oop and you can pay him the $5."

Welcome to the Republican Party, Catherine."

Hey Rev,

Here's my standard reply to those idiotic e-mail messages:

What you have to believe to be a Republican:

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy
made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy
when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without
regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches
while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.  Providing health care
to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense.

A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is
solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George
Bush's cocaine conviction is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for
your recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can
tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what
Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Ohhhhhhh that's a nice one!

Mainly it is just a stupid story that means nothing in relationship to the real issues, none of which are houses, $5, or dog poop.

Being honest or intelligent with a conservative is a waste of time. They are really only about winning. They are way too clever to be bothered by argument.

Thanks Clawed. Nice to see you on these pages again. Good summary.

"Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can pay him the $5."

Because he won't. The sad fact, little girl, is that there are people out there who simply can't take care of themselves and for everyone of those there are 100 more who can but simply won't. Since we're not allowed to decide which is which we can only assume that since they won't take care of themselves then they can't. And that's the way it is, pptttttttttt.

So which historic event does Huck think is our "shining moment"? When people were being brought over in boats to be enslaved, beaten and killed? When people were forcing the native dwellers off their lands and letting them starve, encouraging them to drink and destroying their culture? Maybe it was when 7 year olds who lived in tenaments worked 16 hour days for less money than your or I have in our pockets right now? Or was it when we told our fellow citizens that because of a pigment differentation, they couldn't live their lives like the majority? Many people who considered themselves "good upright Christians" participated in each of these moments.

Nah, Huck, my relationship with God isn't under attack. I can still pray when I want to, read my Bible when I want to, go to church when I want to. What I should never do is force it down my neighbor's throat. We're to be "fishers of men", not "those who go out and club someone over the head until they believe".

EY,

The fish caught by fishers, either hook or net, probably don't feel any better treated than those clubbed over the head.

From a fish's perspective, being gathered by "fishers" all results in death.

It is amazing that anyone anywhere would still sit still for the "they are after us" crap. They've been "after us" since Hector was a pup, and they haven't gotten us yet. Reminds me of my deceased ex-mother-in-law. Sweetest woman on earth, but OBSESSED with cancer. Every pain, every spot, every cough was proof beyond a doubt she had cancer. I remember thinking that anyone who wanted it that bad might actually get it - but she didn't. She died of something else and part of me just knows she was disappointed.

Huck and the other "war on Christianity" hucksters, want Armageddon so bad but they won't get it. They will die just like the rest of us, of a heart attack, a car accident, etc., and if they GOT Armageddon they would be so shocked they wouldn't know what the crap to do about it.

Such fools and such ignorant fools who still sit and listen - my family included.......

I guess I was thinking about the using a lure, offering something attractive to bring someone in who is drawn to the message motif. I do agree, to a fish, it probably doesn't matter.

I will offer a truce to Huck: Keep your religion in your life and in your church and I'll do the same. Politics are neutral grounds where no one speaks of their cause or slanders another's. We'll see who can play that the longest.....

Re Rev Mojo Ryson and 4-year-old Catherine's welcome to the Republican Party.

Let's see if I got this straight: You offered a 4-year-old $5.00 for cleaning up dog poop, which she could give to the homeless guy. When she suggested you hire him for $5.00 to do the job, you welcomed her to the Republican Party.

So I'm to learn that:

1. You expect a homeless adult to clean up dog poop for the same price you'd pay a 4-year-old.

2. When you've paid him the 4-year-old wage of $5.00, he's supposed to build a house with it.

That sounds about like the Republican Party to me.

After 2,000 years and God knows how many lifetimes, I'm getting a little fed up with religionists always reversing the truth (in psychology it's called "projection").

"America and our Judeo Christian heritage is under attack by a force that is more destructive than any threat America has faced since Adolph Hitler in 1934," says Rev. Huck.

Truth? Other way around.

As anybody familiar with the incredibly persecutory, bloody history of Christianity knows, Christians have been on the attack against everybody else since the invention of their religion.

Of course, so have Scientologists. And Muslims. Jews. Every other religion I can think of. Except maybe those saffron-robe-wearing Tibetan monks, who seem pretty harmless.

How, Rev. Huckabee, are truths and facts "attacks" unless they expose your life is a Lie you never thought to question?

You're telling me, Rev., and I mean this in a nice way, that you've taken second-hand information from religious authorities imparting utterly contradictory 2,000 year old dreams and visions and desert myths -- and based your life around it?

Mmm, okay. Got it.

But work with me here momentarily, Mike honey.

Let's say you're a medically obese governor and titular head of a fat family who'd like to either be President or have your own TV reality show.

To slim down, dumpling, would you: A) consult a 2,000 year old book for faith-based dietary tips or, B) enter a state-of-the-art science-based medical weight-loss program?

Got it, Mike.

It's illegal in America to torture and slaughter "infidels," "blasphemers" and "non-believers," though it happens. It's quite legal in many parts of the world.

The fact is "our Judeo-Christian heritage" is the attacker and the rest of us the attackees.

Exactly the opposite of what Huckabee and the Christianists claim.

The anti-gay, anti-women's rights, anti-evolution, anti-science, anti-thought . . . pro-gun, pro-war, pro-isolationist, pro-fascist . . . Religionists the world over are on the attack.

Despite the continuing millions of deaths in the name of God (see Africa, for instance), Religionists are losing power and control more rapidly than ever.

Why? Because the origins and facts about ALL religions are being exposed to masses of people exponentially larger than Gutenberg's printing press (in 1450) ever THOUGHT about, through the internet.

Llike the printing press Religion so deplored (because it made Bibles available to everybody and not just "priests", which led to questioning, which led to the Reformation) today it's the seemingly infinite information stream on the internet which threatens authoritative religions (and governments -- see China's and America's ongoing attempts to "control" the internet).

I guess when your faith, your life and livelihood depend on marching to war for a lie you'll say anything, eh Mr. Huckabee?

Please don't ask me to respect you in the morning.