Arkansas Blog

...and I'm headed to the garden tub with 5 year-old Cheddar, Albert's salsa, Tostitos GOLD & beers, to await the lovely wife and contemplate the GOOD stuff - no bailouts or Al Q'aeda there...

Carry on!
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BEGICH WINS ALASKA SENATE RACE.

Final vote in showed Begich 2000 votes ahead of convicted felon Senator Stevens(R).

CNN

7 Senate seats have be taken from Republics.

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be= been.

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Hey Larry,
Dont ya think "Cheddar" should be a little order?

sheez..order=older.

I want some beer. well,, there is no excitement tonight!!

Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist & a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture.....a jab well done.

Lavender Flu Strikes Dec 10: I Can't Come Into Work Today, I Feel Really Gay.

http://campaignsilo.firedoglake.com/2008/11/19/lavender-flu-strikes-dec-10-i-cant-come-in-to-work-today-i-feel-really-gay/

CiCi I will C yours and raise U 1.

(Perhaps I did this one before and if I did I may even do it again.)

"Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:"

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight
attendant looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed
per passenger.'

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says 'Dam!

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it immediately sank, proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says 'I've lost my electron.' The other
says 'Are you sure?' The first replies 'Yes, I'm positive.'
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But
why?', they asked as they moved off. 'Because,' he said,' I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

7. A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to
a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she
tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, 'They're identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've
seen Ahmal.'

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they
would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored
him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent Florist
friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

And finally,

10. There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends with the
hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten
did.

.

All right, eLwood.

Now that you've seen Ci.Ci and raised her one in the Pun Sweepstakes (turning me bulemic in the process -- which, considering the upcoming overfed Holidays is not an altogether BAD thing as long as I don't go all Gwyneth Paltrow and stuff) -- let's play hardball.

I'm talking our own Party Poker table online where A-T bloggers -- soulmates and trolls alike -- can go head-to-head at Texas Hold 'Em.

Fuck puns. (Can we still say "fuck" here? Surely Max won't block Arkansas' State Verb?)

It would require joining Party Poker (for free) under our A-T Blog screen names, then grinding each other to dust playing Texas Hold 'Em Pot-Limit whenever the ants and mosquitoes take over the picnic here!

For PLAY MONEY, my darlings! To put our children and grandchildren through PLAY COLLEGE!

Like UCA.

Anyhoo, just a thought.

I'm all-in.

LOL, eLwood.....

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the
shelves.
"What are you doing in there?"
she asked.


The rabbit replied:
"This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?",
to which the lady replied
"Yes."
"Well," the rabbit said,

"I'm westing".

My cat has gone viral. click.

FYI.....daughter doing fine today, walking w/ a walker, I passed on all good wishes from

AT blog. She has a pain pump and when I told her to squirt some my way she made me

leave the building..............

thanx for all the kindness.

Elwood the dem didn't take those seats the republugs gave away those seats. Like as a gift.

Great news, Jazzy! Thanks for the update!

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you
laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust
and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed
and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women
do not know each other.

What do the world's leaders think of Bush? Watch this from CNN at the G-20 summit.

8 years of bullying bigoted Bush and his minions? (Who, by the way, are still trying to stiff America in their remaining weeks.)

THIS is what the world thinks of this sorry excuse for a man.

He failed, and got bailed out of, everything he ever tried in life.

The worst President in America's history.

And everybody knows it.

Like WW II stuff? Clicky

Good news, beyond jazzy's good news that is...)

Janet Napolitano to be Sec of Homeland Security

Should be a thorn in the side of lazy folks like Lieberman and Pryor.

And she was Anita Hill's attorney, so her nomination is bound to irritate Clarence Thomas!

Priceless Norma, thanks....

almost makes me shed a tear............almost.

Wonder, deep, deep down what his parents think of him?

Where is Neil??? still in the sex trade business??

Oh, great, another quota queen to protect the homeland.

Great clip, Norma. Thanks. I'll be sending that one around.

Viva Janet.........great news.............

looking good for the USA.

I told Frenchie to get the stars and stripes out of mothballs, and his maple leaf, to fly

high and proud once again. We took them down when vice/idiot invaded Iraq.

Homeland Security: brought to you by The American Duct Tape Association® and your friends at the Magenta Terror Alert Level Conference®. "Stick with us; we'll make you safer (and scared-er)."
Homeland Security should be dismantled and those functions put back where they started. FEMA should be stand-alone cabinet level.
Michael Chertoff should be the clown at a dunking booth to raise money for Katrina Relief.
_________________________________________
Cato: great site about the sailor; can't wait to show me Pappy.
_________________________________________
Norma, the video of dubya getting snubbed is my favorite of the week.
________________________________________
jazzy, glad to hear daughter is doing well. We're proudly flying the Stars and Stripes again, too.

Old Dr. Johnson, 93, is very predictable. Every day, the same routine. He closes his practice at 5:00. Puts on his hat, takes his cane and his medical bag, locks the door, and dodders down to the corner. At precisely 5:07 he walks into Dick's Bar, bellies up and takes the same stool every day.

And at precisely 5:07 every day, the bartender, Dick, has Dr. Johnson's drink ready for him--an Almond Daquiri.

But one day, at 5:04, Dick realizes he is out of almonds. There's not enough time to go to the store. He looks around and all he sees are two hickory nuts. With no other choice, he makes Dr. Johnson's drink with the substitute ingredient. At 93, the old fellow might not even notice.

At 5:07 Dr. Johnson arrives, bellies up, and waiting for him is his drink.

Dick: "Evening, Doc."
Doc: "Evening, Dick."
Dick: "Nice out, huh, Doc?"
Doc: "Tis indeed, Dick, 'tis indeed."

Dr. Johnson takes a sip of his drink. Dick is playing it cool.

Doc: (with a furrowed brow) "Is this an Almond Daquiri, Dick?"
Dick: (shaking his head as he sighs) "No. It's a Hickory Daquiri, Doc."

NormaB never had the patience to play poker. But thanks for the thought.
I suppose at this late date I should develop patience for the game.

However, there's few blackjack tables which I can avoid. Being a dealer when I was 19-20 in an illegal casino just really screwed me up for life.

Have fun.
.

I looooove cards

deal me in!

I note with some satisfaction that Kathleen Parker, the right wing writer now joins in the fix it all going on in the rethug, er uh, repug party. She reports they should get rid of G.O.D.

Effen only she woulda been reading this blog for the last 8 years she woulda known. Clik to read the article.

I've got to do some serious joke research to keep up with eLwood, Cato and Hugh. Great stuff!

As for poker, Norma, I play occasionally on Fulltilt and also PokerStars. I don't know anything about the site you mentioned, but I play only about once a month - takes a lot of time and I'm generally too busy. I do love holdem though....

Jazzy, so glad things are a bit better - keep after her for a hit off that pump - that's not asking too much IMO......

We serious patriots may have to get up a posse and go protect Ms Parker (see link by Arkansas Traveler). She is 100% correct about the problem with the Republican party and its years of courting power by using religious people in a shameless fashion. I watched as members of my own family have sold their souls to various Republican politicians who pretend to speak their language and tho they do it very badly (as with Jay Dickey), it often works and they prop up these charlatans with their votes for decades thinking they are doing "God's will". My oldest son is quite brilliant (obviously, he is my son after all), but he listens to Christian radio and is in church every time the doors are open. He quite literally has lost the ability to reason, recognize reality, or the truth. He believes lies with his whole heart and curses the truth with his whole heart. Breaks his mother's heart and makes me want to take a weapon against those who mix politics and religion at all our peril........

Ci.Ci -

"I watched as members of my own family have sold their souls to various Republican politicians who pretend to speak their language and tho they do it very badly (as with Jay Dickey), it often works and they prop up these charlatans with their votes for decades thinking they are doing 'God's will.' "

"My oldest son is quite brilliant (obviously, he is my son after all), but he listens to Christian radio and is in church every time the doors are open. He quite literally has lost the ability to reason, recognize reality, or the truth. He believes lies with his whole heart and curses the truth with his whole heart."

Thanks for sharing one of the best (and most heartbreakingly personal) descriptions of religionists I've ever read.

Your statements parallel, uncannily, remarks from those like Marlene Dietrich in Maximillian Schell's brilliant filmic biography, "Marlene," when she discusses Hitler's rise in Germany. (Paraphrasing), "We Germans want a Leader. Someone to tell us what to do. Ya, ya, ya."

Or statements like Thomas Paine's "The Age of Reason." Or Jane Roberts' "The Nature of Personal Reality."

But the same may be said for religionists the world over and throughout Time, whether they follow the Pope, the Prophet or the Preacher.

They have utterly no idea how to experience God, or the All That Is, or whatever you wish to call it, directly and personally. Though the (relatively) simple methods for doing so have existed and been written and practiced for milennia by billions around the world, religionists are convinced they are weak and "He" (it's nearly always a "He") is strong. Hence the fallacy of requiring a middleman, a Leader, to get to God.

Believing they're weak or evil, they surrender their perceived "nothingness" to an external figure who presents "Power" and "Knowledge" -- and "Authority." Now belonging to a "powerful" group, or mob, they conform to its dogma until, like Hitler or innumerable religious "leaders" before and since, their Fuhrer is revealed by scandal or tragedy to be all too human.

Then off they are in search of a replacement Leader, never considering that the only path to God and actual power in their own world lies within themselves and not some middleman.

They and their group, repeatedly and over generations, reinforce their belief in their own individual weakness and powerlessness, their own "victimization" at the hands of the Other, Brighter, Smarter, More Powerful . . . whom they must fight, villify and demonize.

Which is why, when it comes to their "religion" at least, they come to embody all that is uninformed, unquestioning, uneducated, resentful, frightened, angry, irrational, conformist and violent.

Like the British scientist interviewed by Bill Maher in "Religulous" who insists the Gospels are eye-witness accounts of an historic Jesus Christ until Maher, accurately, points out that there is NOTHING written by ANY contemporary eye-witness of such a figure: NOTHING. The earliest gospel was written at least 70 years after the supposed death of Jesus and more likely closer to 113 years later. To which this scientist, so brilliant in his field, so insistent that there were reliable eye-witness accounts, finally recants and replies (like a child), "Well, close enough."

Of course it's gratifying to read Kathleen Parker's too-little-too-late takedown of what's wrong with the Republican Party. It's gratifying, somewhat, to hear those who voted once or twice for Bush say they're "disappointed" in him -- STILL without admitting the historic tragedy his Presidency has wrought in America and his ongoing attempt to shred our Constitution. They simply Don't Know!

Like religionists, they don't WANT to know. They want a Leader, rather than having to think and investigate and decide for themselves. They want to be told what to do, in Marlene Dietrich's pointed phrase.

There is no joy in watching Bush morph from a peacock in an unearned flight suit with an enhanced codpiece strutting across the deck of that aircraft carrier under the "Mission Accomplished" banner . . . into the slump-shouldered shuffling little nobody who is shunned at the G-20 summit by world leaders who won't look him in the eye, much less shake his hand.

Nor is there any substitute for living your life Directly instead of, as Paine nailed it over 200 years ago, living a life of secondhand hearsay through "religion."

Imitation of life indeed.

Ms Bates you do say very well what is in my heart & mind but which I cannot come close to writing on paper. But never mind, I've got you say it for me. Thanks!

Don't play poker, learned a long time ago in the Naavy that when I was dealt a royal, the gleeful look on my face along with jumping up & down with joy did not lead to winning a big pot. I have been known to cheat at cribbage howsomeever.

That you don't play poker is okay, ArkansawTravler.

Maybe we can get Ci.Ci and Eureka and a few others on Party Poker one of these days (or nights) and see how it goes.

Though I have an account, I don't actually play that much either.

As for your "tells," Arkansaw, that "gleeful" look on your face, tells will kill you in a live game. I used to think that tells don't come across online, but actually they do if you play with the same player for awhile (sometimes even just briefly). You can also make notes on each player, that are seen only by you when you encounter them online again. Like, "Bluffs with nothing."

ArkansawTravlr, didn't know anyone else around these parts played. The hubster taught me how to play cribbage -- it's the family game of choice. I always thought it was a Yankee thing, though I can beat the tar out of him on a good day.

I know the poker is online BUT I'D COME ACROSS LIKE LARGEASS WRITES SO EVERYONE WOULD KNOW IMMEDIATELY WHAT HAND I WAS HOLDING.

In the Naavy way back when there were a lot of times when one didn't have money, a place to go or the water was too deep to walk ashore. So I had to learn cribbage by losing a lot to those who cheated a lot. I'm waiting for my baby girl to get past the UNO stage so I can instruct her in the art of "cribbage", heh heh.

Acey Duecy was also a big time game. The craftsmen from many shops or units specialized in constructing elaborate boards and boxes for tossing the dice. Throw in a big pot of coffee, a bunch of liars...