Arkansas Blog

I regret helping open the line on such a dour note, but here are a couple of disturbing stories about kids I hope live long enough to attend their proms.

Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
May 15, 2009
(Edited for space by Durango)

Mom Held After Babies Found Alone

An El Dorado woman faces felony charges after police said she left her two toddler daughters alone in a filthy apartment for four days. Tavia La'Shun Tillis, 22, is charged with two counts of first-degree domestic battery and two counts of endangering the welfare of a minor after police said they found the girls, both age 1, hungry, thirsty and covered in feces. The landlord found the two on April 14 when she was cleaning vacant apartments, a police report says.

Tillis, who is unemployed, had been evicted from the North Jefferson Avenue apartment but left the babies there with a bottle of alcohol and a knife on a table within their reach, the report says. Officers said the girls were dirty and had cracked lips and dried mucus on their noses and mouths. One child had feces in and around her mouth and hands, and the other child had feces on her feet, officers said.

Doctors determined that the girls were dehydrated and one had a bad diaper rash, but no injuries were noted in the arrest report. When landlord Mary Gregory found the children, she opened a bottle of soft drink, which one girl drank "without stopping to catch her breath," the report says. They also drank "vigorously" from bottles of water, and then each drank bottles of infant formula and ate packages of crackers at the hospital, the report says.

When police called Tillis from a hospital emergency room, she said she had left the children with an adult, the report says. That person, whose relation to the children was not stated, denied having seen the children in weeks, the report says. Police asked Tillis to go to the hospital while her children were being examined, but she never showed up, police said. The children were placed in foster care.

-----------------------

LR Mom, Man Jailed in Shaking of Infant

A Little Rock man was arrested Wednesday and charged with shaking and critically injuring his 2-month-old son. The child's injuries were discovered April 10 when Alan Alexander, 24, took his son, Talan, to Arkansas Children's Hospital. A doctor called police after determining the boy was suffering from a severe brain injury and was healing from a collarbone fracture.

Alexander told the doctor the child was injured when Alexander, driving along Interstate 430 with the boy in a car seat, slammed on his brakes to avoid being hit by a truck. The doctor told police the boy's injuries did not correspond with Alexander's story. Alexander was charged with first-degree battery and taken to the Pulaski County jail, where he was being held Thursday in lieu of $15,000 bond.

Tyler Burks, 20, the child's mother, also was arrested Wednesday and charged with permitting the abuse of a minor, a class B felony. She was being held Thursday in the Pulaski County jail in lieu of $15,000 bond. Arkansas Department of Human Services spokesman Julie Munsell said Thursday that the child is now in a foster home.

Prom night. Hmm. today is also-

ENDANGERED SPECIES DAY

INTERNATIONAL CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTORS DAY

MAY 13, BIRTHDAY OF RACHEL CARSON, author of Silent Spring.

Tomorrow is PEACE ACTION DAY

and Sunday is the aniversary of
Brown v. Board of Education

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eL, there is a Rachel Carson Road, 'tween Spa and Malvern,,,,always wondered what her tie
was to Garland Co.........I'm sure you know.

Trying to figure miles between Arkadelphia and Lake Greeson, I come up with 38..........
can that be correct??????????

Tell 'em to have fun and make it home tonight.

Damn people to hell for hurting a little one, Durango............makes me SICK when I read
these cases day after day after day....................

Jazzy: "Trying to figure miles between Arkadelphia and Lake Greeson, I come up with 38..........
can that be correct??????????"

According to MapQuest, it's 44 miles from Daisy to Arkadelphia.

You bloggers are too damn smart.........38......44....somewhere in that range.

durango, may they rot in hell. Let jazzy and me loose on those people and minister eye for eye, tooth for tooth and I really believe she and I can make a difference.

Ah! Daisy, Ark. Many moons ago my dad was so fond of the Little Missouri River which runs very close to Daisy. There is also the Camp Albert Pike on the Little Missouri River which is about 2 mi
from Daisy and is the supply center for people staying there.
Is the Daisy Motel still operating? I stayed there when fly fishing the Little Missouri back in early 90s. Lovely little kitchenette place.

Well kept secret-The Little Missouri is the first place in Ark where brown trout were stocked. They have since reproduced there and the lower River is somewhat famous for 15-20 lb monsters.

jazzy, not sure why a Rachel Carson Road is located between H.S. and Malvern. Carson began her career as a fisheries biologist so perhaps there is a hatchery on the road and they wish to honor all the work she did with aquatic biology before she turned her attention to the OVERuse of pesticides.

Senator Tom Coburn, Rwingnut, OK, blocked the creation of a Rachel Carson Day to commemorate her contributions to natural science.
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Mine decided that a nap was in order vs. the prom!

Well, it's Friday night and I'm here alone to fend for myself. (WBW is out of state on a work assignment.)

In keeping with our Friday night sociology studies (last week was L Friend who had bisexual tendencies), I have a new topic.

I've had a work friend for more than 20 years who I'll call Joe. Joe is around 50, has never married and has never exhibited any gay tendencies. Joe's the type of guy who couldn't care less - meaning that if he liked guys, he'd be the type to tell you. There's not a bigoted bone in Joe's body.

But here's what gives me a slight pause about Joe and his sexuality. He's only attracted to twenty-something girls who look like 15-year-old boys. I'm talking really butchy girls - the kind with the spiked hair, really baggy clothes who strap their breasts in. These are the type of girls who you really can't tell if they're male or female.

Over the years, Joe has told me about his attraction for at least 10 of the she-hes (this is not a disparaging term, just descriptive). I've told Joe on more than one occasion that the she-he isn't attracted to him, but he goes after her with everything in his arsenal - to no avail.

I just don't get it. Is Joe repressing something, afraid of commitment or are there guys out there who really won't be happy until they land an androgynous woman?

This is strange to me. As a lesbian, I like my women to look like women.

eL, there is a fish hatchery going toward R. C. Road and Glenwood, Daisy, Kirby, Camp

Albert Pike, Lake Greeson are beautiful spots in Ark.-----------we have a group of Cajun

friends who come up every summer to camp in A. Pike for 2---3 weeks...............

one of our best friends is a fishing guide on Greeson.

Geez, Sister.

My gut reaction would be to say that your friend is a pedophile who is attracted to young boys, but just hasn't acted on his feelings.

Cammack,

Yes, that has crossed my mind but he's really not like that. The worst-case scenario is that he's repressing all of his feelings for men from youth? That's my best guess but what do I know.

Elwood, would you please zip your lips about Camp Albert Pike? We have enough secessionist Texans, liver lip cajuns and Boomer Sooners creeping into Albert Pike as it is and we natives don't want nary more 'cause they crowd up everything, clog our roads and think they are in paradise. Mums the word. And I will tell you something you already know: In July the water is ice cold! Guaranteed!

But here's what gives me a slight pause about Joe and his sexuality. He's only attracted to twenty-something girls who look like 15-year-old boys.
************
Sounds fine to me...Girls are over 18 and he isn't violent and he isn't causing harm to anyone. The only problem that I see is that the "type" that attracts him is very restrictive and limits his chances of scoring. But maybe the "game" is his end point then everybody is happy.

>>I just don't get it. Is Joe repressing something, afraid of commitment or are there guys out there who really won't be happy until they land an androgynous woman?<<

From your descriptions sounds as if Old Joe is repressing Nothing. He likes butchy girls. Lots of guys do. He just acts on his desires and all appears legal so let him at it. He could change next month and wonder why he was ever so attracted. Guys do that. As an astrologer I've seen it many times.
Give him a pair of handcuffs for his bd and see if he lights up.

.

OK, I see your point eLwood and Henry. But why would a guy be attracted to butchy girls? Wouldn't a real guy be better? Instead of a girl who looks like a guy?

True enough Cato. Last time I camped at Albert Pike (1960?) I fell in love with a girl from Shreveport who later moved to somewhere in Texas. It is a lovely spot of mother Earth, one of the finest in this state. Before my late aunt became an invalid she asked me to take her there. We spent a day driving thru the mountains and identifying plants. That was back in 95. I hiked alone up to the spring at the base of the rock cliff and bottled her a few gallons of water for home use. I planned to go this year. It's on my bucket list. But another round of pneumonia prevented the trip and now too much water.

Dad began taking us there when there were open front cabins...sometime in the 50s and the old tree which hung out over the swimming hole had a long rope tied to it. On my last trip there in 95 I caught a 15" brown trout from that swimming hole and 4 rainbows upstream of the low-water bridge.

it's been 45 yrs since I visited the 10,000 acres upstream which Fred Dierks donated to the state back in the 90s. It was donated to be wilderness area with no access roads. Has a beautiful waterfall which I saw as a boy. Somewhere in the family album are pics of that waterfall.

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OK, I see your point eLwood and Henry. But why would a guy be attracted to butchy girls?
****************
Why not?? Not my "cup of tea" but attractions are very person and individual.....Girls..blondes., red head, big boobs, small boobs, on and on..and I suspect most people can't articulate why they are attracted to a person.

I must be wired directly opposite of Joe. If I had the proverbial gun to my head, it would be in order...1) fem girl, 2) manly man, 3) butch girl, 4) fem guy.

I list manly man over butch girl because it's the real thing! I'm a lesbian because I like women, not men stand-ins.

>>But why would a guy be attracted to butchy girls? Wouldn't a real guy be better?<<

Maybe he thrives on the conflict inherent in such choices. It could be his way of rebelling, or
finding his individuation. Ask him.

"So long as it damages none, do that as thou will."
old pagan belief

Elwood, when I was a kid I would go swimming there when there were no structures of any kind! Nothing but wilderness. Now there are abodes of all sizes, concrete slabs and rv parking/camping sites, and.........................people.

Back in the '80s I was in Valley Forge, PA, for 10 days and ran into people from Waco who were regulars at Albert Pike. Truly a small world.

>>Elwood, when I was a kid I would go swimming there when there were no structures of any kind!<

You must be one helluva lot older than I thought Sir Cato. Some of those projects around Camp Albert were WPA projects, the bridge was for sure. I remember the WPA stamps in the concrete.
There were primitive outhouses too. Panthers screamed at night.

There were lots of campers there in the 50s. They had kids and grandkids. Are the roads leading in and out of the area paved?

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Joe is just weird.

I camped at Albert Pike last fall on a Friday. Won't do it again because it takes Texas bikers until midnight or later to arrive. In spite of nearly stepping on a large copperhead hiking to Winding Stairs it was worth the trip.

This article reminds me of my first from college...the one who has three kids now.

Clicky.

Sister is not the only one here trying to figure out other people. I could use some help (advice) which, if deemed worthy, I will pass on to an LR couple that's very concerned about their daughter. Let's call her Katie (not her real name, of course.

Katie is a 28-year-old, very bright, drop-dead good looking Uof A grad who is single and living in one of Arkansas's most progressive cities where there are many young single males who, like her, have great jobs. She excels in her work, has had a couple of job promotions, and recently, bought her own house. Several fellas at work and elsewhere have shown interest in Katie. If only she were unattached.

But she IS attached. And here's the deal: About four years ago, Katie "took up" with this guy who's a real dullard, and lazy as hell. In all the time they've "been an item," he's never worked. I mean, never. He moved in with her three years ago, and while she's at work, he just lays around the house all day. Drive by Katie's house at noon or whenever (I'm told), and there'll sometimes be a car or pickup in the driveway and nobody knows whose it is. Katie pays all the bills, buys the groceries, does the cooking and cleaning, and if they eat out, she pays. The sucker is a fking bum. No other way to describe him.

The parents and Katie's brothers have suspected that he's into drugs. However, we've had him checked out and there's no drug/criminal record of him anywhere in the country. Although we still wonder about this, let's just say drugs are not involved. (And, btw, nobody believes she has a drug-related problem.) So, what's the deal with him and her? Anybody got a clue? Seriously. Please, no jokes like, "Well, maybe he's got a wart on the end of his tongue."

Why would a bright, attractive, young businesswoman like Katie bed down with this bum when it's obvious, even to her, that far more deserving young men are interested in her? She's told her parents and two brothers from time to time that she's had more than enough of the bum and that she's going to break it off, but the breakup never happens.

So, again: Anybody got a clue? Anybody got a plan of action to propose? My thanks in advance for anything forthcoming from you, and again, if your idea is something that hasn't been tried, I'll pass it on. I probably haven't done the best job in the world describing the situation, but I think you get the picture.

Dang Durango,

I think our Miss Katie has more problems than the slug. If she can't wake up and smell the coffee, it's her problem. I've known of so many girls who cling to losers, and they're having problems of their own (i.e, low self esteem, basket cases, etc.).

I think there's a reason why Miss Katie latches on to losers. Give us more info on her on her.

Another detail or two, Sister, that I forgot to mention above. The guy is a year or two older than Katie. Her family says she's mentioned that she thinks he's somewhat depressed at times. They say Katie has always been a "rescuer." She's never said as much, but her family wonders if she fears he'll take his life if she leaves him. I've known this young woman for about eight years and have never seen any evidence of low self-esteem on her part. That's it. That's all I know. I'm gonna hang up and listen. Thanks for your quick response.

Durango,

It doesn't change my opinion. Sure, Katie is the rescuer type who wants to save the world. You said she was 28....makes sense. People in their 20s are total dumbasses (no disrespect to Katie because I was the same way). As DBI said on this blog not too long ago, you don't get fully baked until you're at least 35.

I still think the problem lies with Katie and her choices. She doesn't have to put up with this.

There is one area of her life Durango where she feels most comfortable with him. Finding the area is the key. Look and you will find. It may take time. And as my wife of many years taught me, there is the reason and then the real reason.

I will never forget my oldest son dating this girl in high school. As time progressed he came home one Sunday eve and said "Mrs. _ bought a new 54" TV for the sun room so I could watch Nascar races on Sunday. But Dad, I've never watched a Nascar race.

The reason - having a high school boy at their house. The real reason - having a boyfriend for her daughters senior year in high school.

The reason, and the real reason. Hasn't failed me in 32 years Durango.

Wrong sister - My wife said that I (men) couldn't find their ass with both hands until they were 35! I think she was probably right.

durango,
being the sharp fellow you seem to be I suggest to you the same as I suggested to sister tolyah.

Ask the young lady.
You come up nawth enough to make a luncheon date with her, friends of family, etc. There are nice enough ways to broach the subject with her. You need not accuse her of anything just make inquires.

Some explanations:
1)She does her ambition-striving thing at work so when she comes home no more of that which
regular dating requires for people in her generation. She wants something familiar, easy.
2) karma. working out a past life situation.
3)There is some type of fulfillment in the relationship which does not meet the casual eye.
4)She's a control freak and the relationship puts her in total control.
Often controlling people are very nice and/or charming. I've known a few women that way.

5) all of the above.

I agree with your every word, Sister: Her problem. And so would Katie's family agree with you. So what does her family do? What CAN they do? Just sit by and watch this thing drag on until life has passed her by? I think if ever Katie was going to lift herself out of this sinkhole (without help), she would already have done it by now.

The brothers have given up on her, and the dad feels he's already said too much; that anything else he says would be even more counterproductive. The poor mom is a basket case over the plight of her daughter.

Good thoughts, eLwood. In fact, my daughter who relates well to Katie has been enlisted to make an approach very similar to what you've suggested. If you knew my daughter, you'd know why she's been the one recruited. She, too, is a rescuer and it takes one to know one, and to confront one if that's what it comes to.

Lord, I'm thankful that my two are sane and grown and married and on their own. In fact, I think I'm going to rise from this keyboard and raise a glass to myself.

Goof, thanks for your input. The reason, and then the REAL reason. That makes a lot of sense. Like you say, the key is finding the real reason. You and eL have provided some good thoughts to pass along. LOL about your wife's philosophy on men. The dear sweet sainted one who rules this house holds a very similar view; however, in my case, she adjusted the age upward to 45.

We have several threads today on rainfall. Let's take a poll to see if this nice wet spring will mean
bumper weed crops this year. Those folks who work in seclusion to bring you the desserts of your choice deserve a profitable year now and then. Last year should have been good. Much depends on
rainfall in July and August. Peach crops should be great too and watermelons having such a nice wet beginning could be records this year.

I love 2 am.....I don't know why, but I just love 2 am! Sister's friend Joe reminds me of a good friend I used to have, he's moved off for job reasons or we'd still be friends. He's probably 60 by now and only about 5 ft 4 inches tall. But when he was younger and hadn't had 38,406 too many drinks he was nice looking, had/has a great personality and when he's not mean drunk, a great guy who would give you the shirt off his back. Hopefully he's got it under control but all the time I hung with him, he had a very serious drinking problem.

OK. He was probably 45 when I saw him on nearly a daily basis and the ONLY thing that turned him on was 20-22 year old girls. He made a complete fool of himself dozens of times doing everything he could to get their attention and sweep them off their feet. I found it plain ole disgusting. And now and then he'd find a little gold digger who'd take his credit cards for a big ride and run off when the money was gone. I should add at the time he was divorced with 2 kids. Anyway....we were spending a lot of weekends at the lake back then and I had lots of time to observe him and think. And I really believe that the problem was....he was afraid he couldn't hold his own with a woman his age. I think he needed a little girl to impress, not that he probably impressed very many except with the money he lavished on them.

That was my final conclusion.....some kind of inferiority complex that made him think a woman his age would eat his lunch. I'm glad I never had young girl disease, cause I have the opposite problem...what in the hell would a 22 year old girl and I have to talk about. I think Steely Dan's "Hey 19" pretty well sums it up for me. Maybe this explains Joe?

As far as butchy...I know I have a look that gets me every time. It's Doris Day looking girls....and man..what kind of dinosaur would admit that? But when I was little Doris Day was the hottest thing going and at 3 to 5 I am guessing my idea of womanliness formed and Doris Mary Anne von Kappelhoff looking women got stuck in my brain. It could have been worse...it coulda been Una Merkel!

Maybe Joe grew up watching too much Green Acres and got hung up on Mary Grace Canfield who played dim witted ambi-sexual chicken coop builder Ralph Monroe? Sorta like a baby duck will think you're his mother if you're the first thing he sees? Lordy.....I don't know. I find the Japanese to be the most twisted people, sexually....don't you?

durango's friend....I have to go Bush on this one.....what did old George Bush ever see in Barbara? And what did Laura ever see in Asshole Jr.? I read something one time that made a lot of sense to me. That a big part of falling in love with someone else is about how they make YOU feel about yourself. That would explain good looking people married to doggy looking people. So maybe your friend's daughter's lazy boyfriend makes her feel like a million dollars? Who knows...maybe he's busy at home writing the next Harry Potter series? Or if he's a real zero...it very well could be this is her answer for some kind of inferiority complex she has that her parents can't see. Lordy humans are complicated. We haven't even broached the subject of foot fetishes!

PS We're doing prom night tomorrow with our youngest and all day up to midnight tonight was all about prom fixings. And since she's a junior....we'll get to do this all next year too. Buddies....can you spare a dime?

DBI, you left out thermones.

Powerful stuff.

Durango,

Opposites attract.

Simple as that.

My practice wife for two years out of college was nearly a clone of me except with red hair. Logical, efficient, organizing perfectionist and consistant.

You talk about a boring home. Anything either of us got involved in we naturally ended up in charge. the old if a job is worth doing it is worth doing right.

My permanent wife is my exact opposite. Everything about her is contradictory. She goes into fits anytime someone cuts a tree but George Bush can do not wrong. Then my wife loves the final product of the clearcut such as new improved road or shopping mall. She never puts two and two together.

I grew up in an art family and ended up mechaincal. Her father is an industrial engineer yet she can do no math. She is cheap as all get out but doesn't understand cost per pound. 10 pounds for a dollar or one pound for 50 cents. 50 cents is less than a dollar so it is cheaper?

Illogical. Terrified to fly but we go to San Fran and she books us on a balloon ride in Napa Valley. Sunrise chugging champagne with a woman then ride around held aloft by a big nylon bag filled with hot air. Inflated with a massive torch mere inches from the flamable nylon. Standing in a wicker basket that you can see through below your feet to the ground a hundred feet below. Later that day she again begins to dread the return plane flight home.

I speak in front of thousands and she freezes in department meetings at her office if asked a question. She can laugh and talk with 10 coworkers in the break room but if 4 of them go to the next room for a meeting she can't utter a word.

I must overly prepare any project before I start. This causes me not to start. She just dives in because she wants it done. For me painting a room is remove furniture, lay tarps, sand caulk and putty. Prime then edge then roll paint.

She grabs nearest brush and opens paint can. Stir is two swishes with closest stick and dip brush. 1st half of room is the clear liquid at the top and the last half is the sludge at the bottom of the can. Paint over light switches. Tilt pitures away from the wall to paint behind them.

But I never start projects and she finishes during commercial breaks on the Lifetime channel.

Am I am the happiest guy on Earth because I am the luckiest guy there also because she said yes back in '92 and hasn't changed her mind on that since.

Durango, my family lived thru a situation like the newspaper articles that you posted. My granddaughter (10) suffers from the after effects of my ex-dau-in-law's 'boyfriend', only dau-in-law wasn't arrested. She had wealthy family and they got custody of the 18mo old baby before the child's father (my son) could get home from bootcamp. So, my son lost his daughter even tho he was innocent, and the girl who allowed this to happen stayed in the home with the baby she had allowed to almost be killed. So, no only are people crazy, but sometimes the law is also.......

As for the 28 yr old, I have a niece in her 30's who has fallen 'in love' with a man she met on the internet from Pa. They've never met - but they are 'in love'. He's made plans with her 3 times to come to Ark so they can be together for a visit and they plan to marry asap. The first trip was postponed at the last minute because he had an 'emergency appendectomy'. The second trip was postponed when his 'brother died' and he had to go to Dallas instead. The third trip was postponed when he 'broke his leg in 3 places' and had to have surgery. Each time, the postponement is announced after he has already stood her up and she's crying and hysterical because she doesn't know where he is and why he didn't arrive.

I've had several lengthy conversations with my niece and tho I see the problem, I'm not able to do anything because she makes her decisions based on how she see's the situation - not what I say, or her mother, her sister, her co-workers, or her friends say. A lot of otherwise intelligent women begin to think with their heart rather than their head when their emotions get involved with the situation. If my niece heard the story about your 28 yr old friend with the bum for a boyfriend, she would be full of advice about how to get 'the bum' out of her life - yet her life is equally messed up and she doesn't see it that way at all.

I've come to the conclusion that once a person is old enough to fall in love, make attachments, and act on their own decisions, there is nothing anyone can do other than try to be there to help mend things once the inevitable happens. I don't think there is anything you can say to point out the facts that she hasn't already heard, processed and acted on by either tucking it away for later or rejecting it altogether.

She will dump him when she's ready and that may be when her life is destroyed or it may happily be in time for her to turn things around and have a good life and a great relationship with someone else.

Experience really is the teacher of last resort........

Sister, sister......... I like your friend Joe - since I have my hangups I like my friends to have hangups too. Sort of a misery loves company thing, I guess.

For each of us, including DBI, there's the me that lives inside (twenty-something, drop dead figure, beautiful legs that can dance till dawn and then some with sex-appeal oozing from every pore) and then there's the me that I occasionally let myself see in the mirror and that others see everyday (aging, often tired, overweight, often too tired to talk a walk, much less dance). I swear I've had three children and two husbands and yet I've lived much of my life in my mind. Believe me, my mind is much more interesting - way hotter (except for the early years with husband #2 who was 10 plus years my junior - that was pretty damned hot) and in my mind I always get the best guy in the room.

I suspect your friend has a vivid imagination he just loses sight of where reality ends and dreams begin.

I've had an on-going conversation recently with some people on another forum about gay/lesbian issues and tho I've had the pleasure of having two gay guys (who were a committed couple) as best friends for many years in the past, I wasn't prepared for how I would feel about what I'm hearing today.

They are rejecting labels - no one is hetero, gay or lesbian - they contend all of us are bi and just haven't met the right person or allowed ourselves to act on impulses. I'm still reeling from them saying that they and many people they know fall in love with the same sex and then fall in love with the opposite sex and sometimes fall in love with both at the same time. I don't think my gay friends from the 60's would agree. I was a little Baptist girl with no experience with anything remotely different from the home I grew up in and I had a lot to learn. My gay friends taught me that they had the same revulsion at the idea of sleeping with a woman than I have at sleeping with another woman. They were 'born gay', knew they were gay from childhood even when they didn't understand what they knew, and would die gay.

I understood what they told me, I accepted it and grew comfortable with it. Because of them, and my innate sense of fairness, I've always believed we should stay out of other's business and let gay's/lesbians marry and adopt. But I admit I hadn't dealt with the idea that of the group of 6 women in my office (all hetero) who became fast friends, lunched together, cried together, supported each other thru marital difficulties -- a couple of them might peel off, live together, have sex together and then tire of that and go back to their husbands and then later try another woman and maybe another man - just whatever seemed fun and felt good.

I'm finding myself gnashing my teeth fighting against my old Baptist feelings I thought I had dealt with completely from long ago. I know it isn't my business who people sleep with as consenting adults and I will still speak out and vote for the rights of gays and lesbians to marry and have all the rights I had with two husbands who turned out to be cheaters ---------

------but I just don't know how to process this stuff I'm just learning about having no sexual preference and waking up one morning and deciding that the love you have for your best friend is the same love I felt for my husbands, that sexual preferences fluctuate if we open our minds to it.

I dunno......

No one is Coal-Powered falling for the Clean Coal banner ad I hope. Truth in advertising would say: Coal Power Is Poison. We must stop the Turk Plant. Not acceptable for so many reasons. Horrible for Arkansas families and people, environment, public health and yes, economic development too, in all four corners of our state. Tell Mike Ross that. This is a tragedy for our state. A tragedy that we will look back on, our children will look back on with disgust.

Clean Coal may exist 50 or so years from now. Rght now, what they tout as clean coal is just coal that is slightly less poisonous than it was 30 years ago. It's killing us, our planet, our future. Other states are stopping Coal Fired Plants. Many in fact. Their citizens, form all walks of life, are uniting, coming together and saying NO. We know too much today. STOP! They are demanding that it be stopped. Now. Not tomorrow but now. We can too Arkansas. Do our leaders want a toxic legacy tied to them or do they want to lead, work on our behalf to create a future based on the best information available to us and for our best interests. Coal is simply not an acceptable answer today! Resist their slick ads. They are stupid, misleading, ads and we are all smarter than that.

Coal Power Is Poison. Simple truth. Not an an overstatement. So every time you see a Clean Coal ad, which are financed by by millions from the Energy Industry and special interests tied to Coal, remember that please.

We can do better here. Other states are. We must to. Too much at stake. Thanks.

Elwood

"You must be one helluva lot older than I thought Sir Cato. Some of those projects around Camp Albert were WPA projects, the bridge was for sure. I remember the WPA stamps in the concrete.
There were primitive outhouses too. Panthers screamed at night."

I'm 105. But going strong....with the help of Viagra!
But this was in the '50s and where we went there were no structures. Can't remember the bridges but probably so since the roads, etc. were all CCC projects and Albert Pike isn't that far from the CCC camp at Shady.

The roads getting into Albert Pike from the north (Glenwood/Mena) are gravel until approaching the area and I have not been on the roads from the south in ages so I don't know but that is one of my projects and maybe I can get that scouted out one day this summer and let you know. And I never heard any panthers. What were you drinking?

There were lots of campers there in the 50s. They had kids and grandkids. Are the roads leading in and out of the area paved?

CiCi,

I think your friends overstate the case. Some people really do appear to have strictly same-sex attraction, and others have strictly opposite-sex attraction. Probably the gay couple you knew in the sixties had that going on, and good for them. Other people, though, don't seem to be as fixed in their desires. Desires may change, but desire is constant, so I'm not surprised (usually) when a redirected desire manifests itself in real life.

The other thing is that the model of romantic love we're used to is a recent invention. Pair bonding may be biology, but marriage is culture. Expecting that one person will be your lifetime partner in everything you do--soul mate, best friend, all that jazz--is a sweet idea, but there's no reason to believe that perfect partner exists for every individual. Some fortunate people find it; many, many more are imprisoned by their idea of it.

Sistertoldja:

You sound like a hot lipstick lesbian. Ya think maybe we could get some pics?!?!?!?1

kthxby

So, where do ya go when you need the benefit of some wisdom, guidance, and some different approaches to a problem? Well ya can always go to the AT Blog, that's where. My thanks to all: Ci.Ci, Citizen1, DBI, eLwood, Goof, and Sistertoldja. I've printed all of your comments about why Katie may have strapped herself to this guy and when (if ever) she may decide to unbuckle herself from the situation. Using your commentary, I will prepare a one page "White Paper" to share with those who are trying to get into the young lady's head. I'm quite sure that some of the ideas/thoughts you've put on the table have NOT been previously considered, and that's precisely what I was hoping to gain by making the first "Katie" post. Again, my thanks; and know that I will share with you any news of changes that may result from this "project." It really DOES take a village, doesn't it.

PS: And, Ci.Ci, I couldn't agree more: "Experience really is the teacher of last resort........"

Uh, that one-page White Paper? Started on it earlier this morning and it's already five. Thought I could edit it down to one; wanted to cut right to the chase, and all that. Not gonna happen. Three pages, maybe. I'm outta here.

I have a coworker who has a live-in boyfriend like that. The poor dear thang cannot work because he "can't stand to be around people." Yes I know that's a real psychological problem, but it can be dealt with; I work at home alone for heaven's sake, not because I can't be around people but because it just worked out that way and I love it, too.

She has two kids, had them way too young with another man, and her daughter is 21 and about to have baby #2 herself.

She told her mother she continues to live with this sluggo because she doesn't want to be alone, so that's the reason, but I think the real reason is that because stasis is so much easier than change. I like that reason/real reason theory. I think she stays with him because it would be so complicated to break up. For example, every time they argue, he points out that she may own the land, but the trailer, although she makes all the payments, is financed in HIS name.

obviously she has low self-esteem to put up with this. But it's nearly impossible to meet men in a tiny town or even a bigger town of 7500 people like mine. I do NOT want a slug lying on my couch while I work all the time, but I've only dated one man in the 12 years since I've been divorced. at first I spent all my time working and taking my boys to baseball games and such, the happiest years of my life (so far). Now there just don't seem to be any decent men out there, but it is harder to meet people when you stay at home all the time. I know lots of women in my shoes who remarried for economic reasons only, and there have been plenty of times Ive thought that might be a pretty fine idea, but really we all know it isn't.

obviously Katie has low self-esteem, and she feels better about herself when she's helping someone else. But she probably hoped he would grow up someday, get a job, and they could have a normal life. Now I'll bet she keeps him around mainly because it's just easier, and she doesn't want to be alone. Meanwhile, this bum is keeping her from meeting any decent men she could really have a family and a future with.......but being with this fixer-upper also keeps her from having to try.

I can think of 7 or 8 women I've known in my life who had themselves a little lesbian period and then switched back. This isn't counting the women I've known who are committed lesbians....unless they're hiding little trysts with men folk....oh why must we hide our trysts! So based on that short survey, I'd have to guess women can move between sexual identities easier than men. I mean all we hear about are the Ted Haggards of the world.

I think at the root of everything is the fact that none of us are simple and especially when it comes to sex....we're just too complicated to fit into 2 or 3 labels. I was discussing my odd, but very successful marriage with a good Lutheran girl today and I guess it's just not explainable. So I will quit explaining and just enjoy it and feel lucky to have found a wonderful woman who was able to ride the roller coaster with me. There is success and there is failure and we should applaud any success no matter how misunderstandable it might be to our pea brains.

I did learn another lesson last night about thinking real hard before you speak. My wife looked fetching yesterday in her new Wal-Mart outfit and yes....I did have a few drinks last night before we went out to dinner. And as she walked passed me when we got home, the light fell on her in a delightful way and I said "Baby...you're such a tank of a woman." And the chairs immediately started flying in my direction. I said what I said in a little mini-middle-aged-guy-moment-of-passion. I was paying her a compliment...but what came out didn't sound to her ears the way it sounded in my wife loving brain.

My wife is a substantial woman, she is a Lincoln Town Car gal....just the way I likes em! And...stay with me here.....calling her a tank runs right along with men standing around and saying some girl is built like a brick shithouse. The very highest compliment men can give a woman. Yet....we know outdoor toilets aren't sexy.....but somehow in our cholesterol besotted male brains that outhouse term sums things up perfectly. So though it will not earn me any brownie points...I will stand behind my statement and love my beautiful tank of a wife!

Here you go, DBI. Click my blue name.

Damn John....you got me crying.

Very good, John A, and very appropriate.

I don't want to step out of line, Durango, I recognize your concern. But, I must point out, it's Katie's (or Kathryn's) life to live as she pleases. Would she really want it subjected to amateur armchair analysis of the AT Bloggers?

I don't know her, but I know I am willing to live or accept my own mistakes and don't react too well to unsolicited advice from other's opinions of my livestyle or choices.

docholliday, my thinking is very much in line with yours. But then, as a parent, I've never been faced with this situation. I was asked by Katie's dad if I had anything to offer in the way of helping him understand the situation. I didn't, of course, but told him I'd seek the opinions of others and holler back at him. I could think of no better place than this blog to get those opinions.

As I noted earlier, my daughter (a friend of Katie's) has also been asked to see if she can learn anything that might give Katie's parents some sense of understanding. The advice I've given my daughter is very simple: Approach with the greatest of caution. I'm sure she will. Thanks for your comments. As with others who've posted (including you, tina) your words are valued and appreciated.

RE: Katie

So according to the above comments:

male stays at home = bum
female stays at home=hardworking homemaker

nice

Good point, GPR. As a card carrying bum, I should have thought of that first! Guess I was just too busy putting away the groceries, loading the dishwasher, and fixin my hair nice for when she came home from working on Saturday. My breasts are a little tender and my ankles are swollen and I've gone all scatter-brained. And who hid the damn Snickers bars?

male stays home, lifting not a finger to do anything = bum
female stays home, lifting not a finger to do anything = bum

not nice

Some unfinished business. Darling Number 2 got home from the Prom activities at 4:01 am this morning. She was one tired puppy! But a happy one because even though she's a junior this year she didn't have to miss The Dance. Her date was a gentleman and hopefully I helped by phoning every 5 minutes after we'd reached the 3 am hour. So unlike George W. Bush, today we're flying a truthful Mission Accomplished banner.