Billiken Man

And I thought I was the only politically incorrect, non-believer with a sense of humor out here in this cold, cruel world.
I'm also originally from St. Louis and know about Billikens. Maybe your blog will restart the craze. Seems the perfect time to bring back Billiken.

Are you a Billycan or a Billycant? No matter I bet Barbie could beat your religiously challenged rear end. How dare you challenge the rapture crowd. It's better than wrestling. That Haggie guy grows laterally by the week. I got 20 bucks that say's he weights in at over 400 by Xmas. Robertson may be old but he could bench press both of us together ( and you could throw in Haggie too) for fun. According to his website. Anyway there has been a shift from the rapture crowd to prosperity Christianity. Instead of playing lotto's to get rich plant a monetary seed to some talking head ministry to become a millionaire. No wonder their so adamant about not having gambling it cuts in on their take.
I play the ponies and every once in a while I'll catch flak from religious wingnut's so I've come up with a religious test question to calm them down:

What is the difference in people who pray in church and people who pray at the track?

ANSWER: The people at the track really mean it!

PEACE my billycan/billycant brother.

DBI,
any thoughts on the Thailand coup today?

The scariest warriors on earth, with the thinnest skin on the planet.

I wonder which will turn out to be in their spotlight longer, that Danish cartoonist or the Pope.

Stephen Colbert is always careful to state that they're a just and honorable religion right after he skewers them, and so far they've left him alone (or haven't noticed him).

So DBI, you better put your own Colbert-style disclaimer at the end of your post, just to touch all the important bases.

Can we turn on HTML on this blog? A little italics can be helpful in distinguishing "quotes of previous posts" from our own scribbling.

Just back from the Sr Democrats of
Washington County meeting.
Charile Daniels graced us with a pitch, and the black-eyed peas were great so was the baked chicken and carrot cake.
Charlie's opening joke-

Bush's assistant: "Mr President I'm afraid I have some bad news about Iraq"
GW: "Well, Ok, let's have it."
Assistant: "Mr President two Brazilian soliders were killed today in Baghdad."
GWB: " Is that a lot of soliders? I don't know if I can count to a brazilian."
******************************************

"I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in A, B, C, and D. Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?"
Barry Goldwater, 1966
_

Dear DBI:

I need your help. I dont know anybody else to ask.

OK here's the problem. Dont worry it wont cost you money to help me. ;)

When im driving into fort smith headed that way from alma, i guess thats like west although I tend not to do well with that whole direction thingie, just at the outskirts of FS there is an apartment complex that is built around a pond.

When Im coming into ft smith from the direction of alma, ozark, etc that complex is on my right.

I cant remember its name for the life of me. Life in the apartment where we are livign now, me and my little dog Toto, is killing us and if we have to move anyway, we have decided to move on out to a big wicked city. I work at home and so I have that luxury.

Of course I dont know if they allow dogs, and I dont know if I could afford it but first off I need to know its name. can you post that here, or if not i would be happy to give you my email address somehow. I appreciate your taking the time off from solving the world's problems to help me with mine.

And I love your blog!
thanks

Is it safe to assume you're talking about driving westward into Fort Smith on I-40, tina? It's about 12 or 13 years since I've been in the area, so things have probably changed, and I have no idea, but I do hope DBI (or someone here) can help you. It sounds like a pretty good location.

tina,
it's been at least a month since my last visit to the fort from here in LR, but I think the apartments you are talking about are on I-540 between the Grand and Rogers exits right?

Heck, Alma to Fort Smith isn't that bad of a drive, why not pick up and head that way. I can't say that I blame you for moving out of Alma.

tina, I think what you're talking about is called Stonebridge Commons. It is on Free Ferry at Duncan Road and they were originally built as luxury condominiums. Very high priced when built 15 or 20 years ago. And I assume they are still condos.

I'm trying to think of any other such place built around a body of water that can be seen from I-540. I'm not coming up with anything other than Stonebridge. And by the way, if you can afford Stonebridge, you can come live with me and I'll kick out these people I live with, they're a tad boring anyway. (snicker snicker.)

If you come up with better directions I'll do my best to make sure we're talking about the same place. Fort Smith has lots of good and bad places to live, I'm a little out of the loop, but if I don't know I bet I can find out.

Spirit, I will have to ask Max about turning on HTML....I don't see such a button to push. And registration isn't required at the moment and unless it turns into a living hell here, it won't ever be required by me. I don't like vulgar nasty comments without content. But being a fan of the Rude Pundit, at times I do like vulgar nasty comments WITH content, but I'm sure Max and Warwick would appreciate it if we didn't burn the eyebrows off strangers that might happen to wander in.

I don't know jack about Thailand except back in the old days in the back of Hustler Magazine there were ads about buying Thai wives. I always thought that was a winning idea, but the Mrs......not so much.

Actually I only heard a snippet of a news report on NPR about the coup as I walked past the radio and I got all excited until I found out it was going on in Thailand and not the US. Maybe next month or November is a great month for a coup!

DBI, thanks for getting off to a banging start. I'm forwarding the link to your blog to all my friends. My husband even asks me on occasion, "Is that guy from Ft. Smith blogging anything funny today?" Now, I have to let him know you're so good you get your own damn blog. I think this will be great. Keep up the diatribes.

Speaking of dope-smokin' - some dipstick cop in Louisiana busted Willie Nelson and 4 others, including his 75 year old sister Bobbie, after seraching their bus.
I'm a middle aged lady with grandbabies, and I don't do drugs, but I have thought my whole life that people who smoke pot should be left alone. Our jails should be reserved for real criminals.
Your thoughts DBI?

Man I f I were that Pope I would put a major delay on that trip to Istanbul. Idiots and crusades they will never stop. But I will laugh at them as long as I breathe.
Tai coup or Tai wives. If the coup holds out I bet they will be running a special next week.
AR Trivia....at least for me. I just found out the guitarist for Little Feat lives in E.S.
Mr. Tackett once got fired by Frank Zappa from the Mothers of Invention. Anyway they played sat. night and Leftover salmon opened for them. IMO LoS was best. friday nights Dr. John show was the real deal!
Sorry for a ramble, just glad DBI is on the front lines.

Spent the weekend in Eureka for the BigTime Fest. Vince Herman is OK but Little Feat Rocks! The DR wasn't bad either. Looking better than he has in a while. Lots of musicians in the audience cause the Feats are the best.
Did like the wash board chick.

This Pope is causing an uproar. Maybe folks will turn their ire on him and away from Pres. Bush for a few days so he can get his foot out of his mouth again.

Agreed, fly & Eureka...

The Pope needs to pull out of the 14th century...

But...that hierarchy is slow to progress...and has been known to regress...

Blue Tick - If you pop back in I found this Taimline fo ya
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/country_profiles/1243059.stm

As you know by now ES, I like rambling and no one in their right mind could dislike Eureka Springs, Little Feat or Dr. John.

I met Dr. John back in 1998 or 99 at the Fort Smith Blues Festival. Our Blues Fest brings rain nearly every year and that Saturday the skies opened up. Some of the big name acts like that pussy brother of Stevie Ray Vaughan's, took his check for doing nothing and sat his dry ass in the Holiday Inn, not taking his guitar out of the case.

Dr. John showed up at the back of the stage at the appointed time, dressed to the teeth and ready to put on a show. Which he proceeded to do while someone held an umbrella over him most of the time. He played his full show and then got up, talked to the crowd and signed autographs till the last dog was done. A class act!

Now about Willie....it's a crying shame when elderly people can't drive their tour bus across America without being busted for smoking dope on the way. Every human on the planet knows Willie likes his weed. I'm betting you can stop Willie's bus anywhere at any time day or night and find a bag of dope.....it's like shooting fish in a barrel.

I went to college determined to lose my virginity, but never ever ever smoke that evil dope. Getting laid was hard, actually never happened....dope was everywhere! I avoided it with a passion. I'd pass the joint to the guy next too me trying to be cool and not be called a NARC.

But one Thursday night after a half pint of Southern Comfort, and meeting and falling madly in love with and being badly rejected by a plump dark haired piano major from New York, I returned to my dorm room feeling as low as a man can feel.

An older guy from Fort Smith saw me drag myself up the stairs and towards my room and he took pity on me. I explained that the future mother of all my children had just told me to take a hike after 2 or 3 hours of non-sexual bliss at a party with a dozen people. I stated I didn't think I wanted to face life without...whatever her name was...I had probably already forgotten it by then.

Larry, his name was Larry, put his arm around my shoulder and led me down the hall to his room, saying he knew just what would fix me up. And of course it was a one pound bag of pot. Since I was going to probably jump out the window later, what would smoking a little dope hurt at that point?

So Larry and I smoked the whole damn bag...sure there was a lot of stems and seeds and probably straw and sticks too, it was that old home grown right outside of Fayetteville stuff, so weak you had to smoke a lot to get a buzz....but we smoked and smoked until the sun was coming up. And somewhere in there I became unaware of life around me and of course forgot what's her name the plump dark haired piano major from New York. Bet she turned out to be a Republican.

I found I liked pot and now that I was a regular U of A student I smoked a lot of pot because everyone had some and it all came out at night. But, having come from a long line of alcoholics, when someone said PARTY I still thought beer or Southern Comfort. As the years went by the pot got stronger, more powerful and finally too much for me to handle.

It zonked me. It wasn't fun. In later years I had women tell me they were going to get me high and I'd tell them they wouldn't like the results and sure enough, the next day they'd say...NO MORE POT FOR YOU. How fun is your date if all he can do is look at himself drooling on his own feet? Sexy? NO!

So I quit smoking dope. I was a drinker anyway, I didn't miss it a bit. Years go by and about 1999 I'm told I have diabetes and of course the doctor said no more drinking. By then I was only drinking on my Friday nights out. But before he told me, I had noticed that I couldn't drink like I had for 25 years before. Drinking the same thing in the same amount produced wildly different results. I always prided myself on holding my liquor and suddenly some nights drinking did nothing, the next Friday 2 drinks and I'd be drunk as a skunk. Guess it was the diabetes, in fact I know it was.

So more loss of pleasure for me. I scaled back to going out on Friday some times and drinking at least 50% less. I hate limits! Then a couple of years ago I started having liver trouble from an iron condition and it became more important that I didn't drink. So after a long period of bone crushing soberness, I ran into a friend of a friend one night and out of the blue she asked me if I wanted to buy some dope.

I thought man...here's the solution to my problem! My doctor had never mentioned pot, and I know drinking is harder on you than smoking pot......and I'm like Winston Churchill....stone cold sober day after day, week after week...blinding reality 24/7.....no man should be forced to live like that.

I not only had forgotten how to roll a joint, but when I managed to make something that would hold enough pot to light up....I didn't like it. Instead of relaxation and forgetting my troubles.....it made me weird, paranoid, just sure one of my kids or my old Ma is going to need something and here I am all high and stuff.

I made 3 good attempts at letting marijuana take my worries away and the results were disastrous. No pot for me. I gave the stuff away.....now I must be sober 99.9% of the time. It sucks.

And thank you for asking by the way. Marijuana should be legalized, taxed and regulated. Arkansas's share of the taxes would fix every school system in the state. Searcy would get that 4 lane highway. Think of the money that would roll into the Delta. And still no pot for me!

I also know if pot was legalized nothing would change around us. Everyone who wants to smoke dope has been doing it, is doing it and will be doing it. There will be no roving band of zombie pot heads, our kids will or won't smoke pot just like today or yesterday. It will just take it all out of the alleys, give farmers something that makes farming worth it and fill the tax coffers to the brim. And still no pot for me!

I think the Pope and the Muslims need a big bag of Larry's pot and Little Feat's greatest hits turned up real loud. Tell me the whole world wouldn't be better off if those folks were high.

Eureka, I used to be a part of Fort Smith's Riverfront Blues Festival here and must put in my accolade for Dr John. On one evening of a former festival it threatened and threatened and threatened to rain (we have ours outdoors, more suspense that way). The crowd was hanging tough, waiting for Dr. John. Just as he began to play at last, it poured. Weather guys assured us it would pass. The good doctor withdrew from the stage, had the piano covered and invited everyone to wait. Almost the entire park full of people withdrew under the Arkansas River bridge and waited. As soon as the rain slowed to a drizzle, Dr. John walked right back out and knocked us dead. I don't know many artists who'd have done that. His contract clearly allowed him to return to the hotel with fee in hand and leave town without a drop of rain upon him. Others have, in past rain-outs (I'm looking at you, Jimmie Vaughan). He was a gentleman and a true professional that night besides being a consumate musician. Had to speak up for him in gratitude.

Some video to go along with your brilliant post:
http://www.arktimes.com/blogs/armedia/2006/09/reposting_some_religious_insan.aspx

Think of the money that would roll into the Delta. And still no pot for me!"

There was a Rollin Stone article back in mid 80's showing the best climatesaltitudes in U.S. for growing primo stuff..Georgia was one, Ozark Mtns, and No. California.

Delta?

Delta?
Posted by: Lwood

Yes. Delta.

Do you think best climate & altitude are all that's important? Delta is cleared, leveled, set up for irrigation, full of experienced farmers with high tech equipment. Who needs rice? The Delta would be pot heaven.

thanks, you all, for helping me. that is definitely what Im talking about.

and yes I would be going west on I-40, if I wasnt sort of bad on directions I would have included that, sorry.

I dont live in alma, just a little further on down I-40.

well DBI I cant afford those condos, but do you have a vacant back bedroom there? ;)

we dont take up much room, Toto and I. But we're a little picky. We stay sober all the time too.

Im going to call those condos anyway just to find out how expensive they are. Toto thinks duck chasing would be a fine activity. Probably would be until he caught one.

yes thank God the police busted willie nelson and kept the world safe for humanity. well I must go and get rid of yet another neighbor wanting to use my phone. I work at home and their mission, it seems, is to prevent this. I cant help it if Im the only one who pays her phone bill. They see no correlation between work and paying phone bill, they only see a free phone they can use. I hadnt lived in an apartment or lived alone for 30 years when i moved in here last fall and so I was incredibly stupid and naive. When Toto and I move, Im making a sign stating that Im a deaf mute and I dont have a phone, I dont babysit, I dont run people places in my car, and all in all I just havent been in a very good mood since some time in 2003.

thanks for the info anyway. and thanks, DBI, for your thoughts. Entertaining as always. Sorry about your hemochromatosis or whatever it is, that sucks.

Wow, another non-religous person in Fort Smith! I was begining to wonder if I was all alone here in god-land.