Billiken Man: Tale of 2 Wives

History has a way of repeating itself. Maybe we're too dumb to make a whole lot of new mistakes, so over time we repeat the same ones over and over. Or maybe it's that "what goes around, comes around" thing. I gotta admit my opinion of the human race has been dropping ever since I reached adulthood. We act pretty dumb, we can be pretty dishonest at times, but the proof in the pudding is we've got a long history of electing people dumber, and far more crooked than we are. Which brings me to the Tale of 2 Wives. It's a story of what might be.....

Once upon a time there was a very crooked man named Richard Nixon.. His intelligence level, which was quite high, wasn't high enough to gain control of his crooked tendencies. He belonged to the Republican Party and off and on he'd be the star of the Republican Party, which ought to tell you a whole lot about the R's. As an original member of The Club, like a watched pot gathering moss, Mr. Nixon gathered other crooks for friends as he rose to the top. In the long Republican tradition of picking the worst possible running mate, Dwight Eisenhower picked, of all people Richard Milhouse Nixon to be his VP in 1952.

Fast forward Checkers speech, Khrushchev shoe pounding, demonstrators pelting Vice President Nixon’s limousine with rocks in Caracas, Venezuela, losing '60 election, won't have Nixon to kick around, elected President in 1968, 1972 Watergate break-in.

When Nixon's shit started hitting the fan, he turned to his trusted, long time friend and Attorney General John Mitchell (1906-1988). Actually Mitchell had resigned to head Nixon's 1972 campaign, although it was unknown at the time Mitchell was involved in the Watergate break-in and subsequent cover-up. Always a classy guy, Mitchell warned Bernstein about a forthcoming Watergate-related article:, "Katie Graham's gonna get her tit caught in a big fat wringer if that's published." One has to constantly be amazed at how creative Republicans are with the spoken word.

John Mitchell's second wife was Martha Beall Mitchell (1918-1976), from little ole Pine Bluff, Arkansas. By 1972 the Mitchells had been married 15 years and the love had worn thin, to say the least. When her hubby's name started popping up in Watergate news, Martha, in a very un-Laura Bush-like manner, started calling up Washington reporters and spilling the ugly beans on her creepy husband. Soon known as the Mouth of the South, Martha talked herself blue in the face to anyone who would listen and found out first hand how the Republican Smear Machine works. The White House started leaking that she was a drunk, unstable, deranged and according to Martha, she was kidnapped, sedated and held captive in a hotel room by White House agents in order to keep her away from the press.

Richard Nixon told David Frost in 1977, “If it hadn't been for Martha Mitchell, there'd have been no Watergate.” That tells me Martha mattered! Unfortunately this wife of that Attorney General didn't live to see her vindication, dying of cancer a mere 3 years after outing her husband for the crook he was. America is often slow to catch on, but at some point later this year Meryl Streep will play Martha of the Pine Bluff Bealls in a major motion picture about her life.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention....John Mitchell was convicted of conspiracy, obstruction of justice and perjury and was sentenced to two and a half to eight years in prison for his role in the Watergate break-in and cover-up. He currently, I say, currently holds the record of being the only US Attorney General to ever go to prison. Mitchell served 19 months. His old crooked head smacked the pavement in front of his house one morning in 1988 and he died later that night of a massive stroke.

May, 2007...the US bogged down in losing an unjustified war for oil in Iraq, 6 years of corruption and incompetence, death, kidnapping, torture, domestic spying, suspension of habeas corpus, 4 dollar a gallon gasoline, record oil company profits, record deficits, 11 million dollar an hour going to wage war, cronyism, Katrina, the politicizing of the American justice system, 9-10 US Attorneys fired, Republican sleeper-cells planted in all areas of our government, President approval rating 29%, VP at 9%......misery as far as the eye can see...........but what if?

A month shy of the 35th anniversary of the Watergate break-in America finds itself with another Republican President in hot water up to his neck. Holding his smirking head just above the waterline is his friend and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales ( winner of the Hispanic Salute Award in 1989 from the Houston Metro Ford Dealers), setting new records in John Mitchell-like loyalty to the President, thy name is George Walker Bush. Though information is coming out like runny shit from a elderly sphincter, we do not yet know what Attorney General Gonzales is covering up. Surely holding the record for testifying over and over that he didn't know, didn't remember, wasn't involved, wasn't even in the same building when "it" was going on, so far America is in the dark about what this man has been doing in his years as Presidential White House Council and US Attorney General. Hmmmmm, if only there was someone who could tell us...someone who knows all Fredo's secrets......oh I wonder who that could that be?

Like John Mitchell, Alberto Gonzales has a 2nd wife too! Her name is Rebecca Turner Gonzales from parts not Google-able. She has been married to Fredo since sometime after 1985. The wedding date is also un-Google-able like they're hiding a bastard child or something. Those long Texas nights, that hot hot Latin blood....it's possible their first child should have been named Speedy Gonzales, but I digress.

If only the spirit of Martha Mitchell could work its way up through 6 feet of Pine Bluff dirt, travel to DC and enter the body of Becky Gonzales. What secrets we might learn. What short work she could make of bringing the Bush Crime Family to justice. If only Becky Gonzales would fix herself a stiff drink and start dialing up reporters ala the Mouth of the South. Though her marriage would be kaput, and she could expect the Republican Smear Machine to hit her from all angles, what a great American she'd be remembered as, a few years down the road. Outside of GWB, no other person on earth knows where Alberto "The Torturer" has buried the bodies. A one-two punch of Monica Goodling and Becky Gonzales would cover up this White House like a foreskin slipping up........well, you get the picture.

Americas calling
Becky Gonzales
Becky you know what to do
The world is turnin round
And losin lots of ground
Becky is there something we can do to save the land we love
Oh
Becky is there something we can do to save the land we love
Becky
Becky is there something we can do to save the land we love

Comments

I think this is the best blog you have written to date! Lord I wish this would really happen.

Posted by: Fort Smith Observer | May 20, 2007 11:03 AM

Great political fiction.

However, concerning Martha's spewing it all to the press: I had a personal friend back then in mid 70 and
s/he was on the Watergate prosecution team. According to friend Martha was spewing it out to save her hubby who they had planned to throw under the bus once the investigation got underway. She also feared if John Mitchell talked too much they would have him killed. She ended up on mind altering drugs because that kind of pressure and threats can drive a normal person crazy. No post tramatic stress syndrome for Martha, it was hyper stress syndrome.
_

Posted by: Lwood | May 20, 2007 06:14 PM

Though I don't think it will happen because of Bush's deep love for Gonzo, this should be the week Gonzales gets thrown under the bus.

Nixon would have done it long before now....but GWB is so stupid, he's probably willing to go double or nothing over The Torturer. It should be an interesting week.

Posted by: Deathbyinches | May 21, 2007 02:30 AM

i may be crazy but for some reason i still think that bush will leave fredo in office. there are some secrets he is hiding and gonzo is the only one that knows them. if he leaves office they may come out. he covered up the drunk driving record and evidently has a few others. if asked gonzo will probably not remember them anyway these days.

Posted by: zonker | May 24, 2007 11:59 AM

I think Bush leaving Gonzales in office is more like a 24/7/365 version of Cheney's Go FK Yourself. Only instead of just to Patrick Leahy, it's to the whole nation.

Posted by: Deathbyinches | May 24, 2007 02:17 PM

Good post.

It's also a story of two Vice Presidents.

Spiro Agnew was appropriately titled: "Vice" President.

Today's "Vice" President is Cheney whose persona trumps Bush's.

No talk of Bush's impeachment will be entertained as long as a Machiavellian Cheney sneers at us from behind his puppet.

It's in the best interest of both Bush and Cheney to keep Forgetful Gonzales front-and-center. We tend to forget about Cheney gurning away in Bush's back office.

Posted by: Ecce! Spiro et Spero. | May 26, 2007 05:10 PM

Hey DBI...You phony..why do you hide behind a stupid name like Dick By Inchies or whatever you call yourself?. Stand up and tell us your real name....Barrett

Posted by: Barrett Jackson | May 30, 2007 10:01 AM

I am Asa Hutchinson....and I don't approve of Barrett Jackson.

Posted by: Deathbyinches | June 4, 2007 02:28 AM

Hmmm, an emerging love affair? Barrett has this thing for DBI's dick.

Posted by: Knoc Knock | June 8, 2007 01:38 PM

Let's hope DBI doesn't put his Little Richard in Barrett's thing that she has for him. I hear Rethuglican cooties are the worst kind.

Posted by: Jake da Snake | June 19, 2007 05:51 PM

Billiken Man

Dedicated to the god of things as they ought to be.

Tale of 2 Wives

Comments

Post a comment