Central Arkansas Confidential

[arghhhhh!] Today I'm shaking my fist at one of my favorite clothing retailers, "j.crew" and their "vintage polo" shirts!

What the hell!  People, quit buying new clothes that look like they're used, this is ridiculous.  Just go to Savers or Salvation Army or Good Will and buy said worn out polo, there's at least one that fits you.  Check to make sure it doesn't have any crazy noticeable stains, give them $4 or whatever, take it home, wash it and wear it out, boom, there's your "vintage" look you tard. 

I especially love the close up pictures of the "wear and tear" places on the shirt tail and the collar...."hand-nicked" and "broken-in"... just wear your clothes and it will do the same thing....

Look all you kids out there, and that's anyone 29 & Under to me; this crap is not vintage.  This shirt has not been through "ump-teen" parties with you, had every imaginable alcoholic beverage spilt on it, sat on your bedroom floor for a month under a full inch of dirty laundry, soaked blood from your cut lip or been peeled off by your lover in the heat of the moment - IT'S BEEN WASHED/DRIED/WASHED/DRIED over and over in a big machine ala the "acid wash" process.  It was a new shirt someone made to look old.  Be cool, get a new polo shirt and wear the hell out of it, don't try to be cool, just be cool....

Furthermore, "vintage" [shaking fist, typing angry email to jcrew customer care] implies that it is old, at least a decade, the correct terminology for this "vintage polo" is "distressed polo" and/or "douche bag polo".

Getting off my high horse now....vintage polo, how dare they, HOW DARE THEY!  This is the same company that carried, standard, seersucker and corduroy suits, all year around.  AND SOMEONE FIX THAT MODEL'S COLLAR FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, NO ONE WEARS A SHIRT LIKE THAT WHO ISN'T IN AN EMO BAND OR BAKED OUT OF THEIR MIND.....

Confidentially dismayed in what was once a great clothing brand, Mr. Rickey