Monday, June 22, 2009 - 10:29:45
Meeting the Man of My Dreams...


Monday, June 22, 2009 - 10:29:45

Friday, June 12, 2009 - 17:03:35
Thursday, June 04, 2009 - 14:47:46
Monday, May 11, 2009 - 13:49:01
Continue reading "If Wishes Were Kisses...We'd All Have Mono" »
Thursday, April 30, 2009 - 18:59:37
Wednesday, April 15, 2009 - 18:12:56
Monday, April 13, 2009 - 14:17:44

Thursday, April 09, 2009 - 18:44:18
Thursday, April 02, 2009 - 11:24:28

Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 12:30:26

Monday, February 23, 2009 - 18:06:05
Monday, February 16, 2009 - 18:32:55
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 - 18:42:15
Last Friday, I ventured to Tunica with Ben in efforts to celebrate his sister Caroline’s 22nd birthday. I’m quite superstitious so I placed too many bets on “lucky” seven’s and wound up donating to the state of Mississippi. The beer definitely isn’t “free.” Too quote Ben, “Free? I’d say your Heineken’s we’re about $30 per beer.” Ben broke even. I always thought breaking even was an urban legend. Black Jack replaced our sleep (and my common sense,) so we opted to stay the following night in Memphis as this where Ben’s sister, Caroline, lives.
After napping the majority of the afternoon, Ben, Caroline, Ben C. (Caroline’s boyfriend ,) and I decided to roam Beale Street in the frigid weather. Ben C. was visiting from Europe and had never been to Beale. One cannot visit Memphis and not walk within “ten feet off of Beale.” We arrive at Silky O’Sullivan’s where Ben orders a diver. A diver is one gallon of well, everything. Remember when bars were smoky and full of drunks? Well now they’re just full of drunks. Silky’s has an outside heated bar area for those of us with the bad smoking habit. I would smoke outside in the snow, naked. It’s that addictive. I’m the only smoker in the entourage, so I head outside alone.
Smoke break #1. While it’s cold, the bar line is also non-existent, so I order a drink while outside. Seating is limited inside the bar, so I also take this moment as an opportunity to sit down. I sit on the last stool at the far left of the bar as it appears to be the seat furthest removed from the other smokers. As I light a cigarette, a guy approximately my age sits to my right. Question one, “Are you from around here?” Without making eye contact, I state, “No.” In five minutes I learn where this stranger is from, where he lived before that, who he works for, where he traveled the previous week, etc. I generally have a friend with me in a situation of this nature, so the following is very foreign to me. In other words, I do not frequent bars alone. Dude says, “Why are you alone? Surely you’re not alone? Are you with a man?” All is stated as one long, run-on question. I tell him, “I am not alone. I am with non-smokers. I am here with a man.” He says, “Nice to meet you,” and vanishes accordingly. I make no mention of this upon returning inside.

Ben, Caroline, and Ben C. in Memphis, TN

The Diver.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009 - 18:55:31
Wednesday, January 07, 2009 - 16:29:07
Thursday, December 18, 2008 - 13:51:38
Wednesday, December 10, 2008 - 19:05:33
The holiday season can inspire a great deal of wonderful, however, it also induces stress for many. I was among the many last December, a time which proved to be particularly trying for me. People often enter our lives for unexplainable reasons. They enter through the cracks in the window regardless of the barrier we place in front of the door. I’ve heard we are most self-centered when in a depressive state. As a mostly happy person, I struggled doubly in that pervasive sadness. In the midst of the sadness and chaos, I befriended a man named Chris. It was an easy friendship. I didn’t feel judged, critiqued or speculated.
On December 29th, Chris journeyed to New Orleans with his brother and his brother’s then-girlfriend. Chris contacted me mid-afternoon to inquire of how my weekend was going. I remember it well. 2pm and I was in bed watching “Forensic Files,” which was a common occurrence, more than likely fueling the destruction of my happiness. Negativity breeds negativity. He said, “You should get out of town. Join us here this evening.” I’m sure my response was mere laughter, but Chris insisted. He called to check on flight times, while I continued watching television, convinced I’d remain in this position until I was forced to move. Chris called moments later to alert me I was leaving (on a jet plane) in two hours.

Chris and me in the French Quarter. The background gives an illusion of wings. We were unaware of the background effect at the time.
Monday, November 24, 2008 - 20:31:41
A while ago, a good friend asked, "You're so normal, why are you single?" For me, a resounding question recently asked by yet another friend. It's a question I can't answer because my abnormalities stare back at me. The last few times I've let my guard down and thought I'd found something special and real, I later discovered it was a facade leaving me empty handed and heartbroken. A part of me died, but I don't really miss that wide-eyed girl.
Never really feeling means never really hurting. And yet, how does one truly disconnect emotionally? Do we shut out the surface love for fear it could expand and eventually cause pain? Or, does one jump in, cannonball-style, despite the risk of probable hurt? What is the right route? For me, it's sitting on edge with occasional dips in the shallow end.
Monday, November 17, 2008 - 17:50:55

Friday, November 07, 2008 - 17:50:14

Jonathan and me in July of '08.
Yes, he really is a foot and eight inches taller than me.