Venus vs. Mars
The following is not based on scientific research or accredited study, but rather, it is based on mere observation. Generally, when reading or discussing the basic differences between men and women, the topic tends to lean towards our communication patterns or our innate desire to nurture or protect. I am prone to notice the smaller details, the less significant differences. I will be speaking in generalities, noting little quirks I’ve noticed between my male and female friends, co-workers, and family.
First, men are commonly known to be visual creatures. Knowing this, one would believe men would have a broad variance of favorite colors. Oddly enough, most men select one of three colors as their favorite: blue, green, or red. In that order. To test this theory, I asked several male co-workers to define their favorite color. Predictably, nine times out of ten, the answer received was “blue.” Interestingly, more than half would respond with, “Blue. But I also like green.” Ask your husband, boyfriend, father, brother, friend, or co-worker and you’ll be amazed of how often you receive this common response. On the other hand, women are more likely to spout out a billion different colors, “Lavender, yellow, or aqua.” And even more interesting, when women select blue or green as their favorite color, a more descriptive term proceeds the “blue” or “green.” For example, women like “sky blue,” or “kelly green.” Personally, my favorite colors are red, aqua, and electric blue.
Another difference can be found in how we dream. Often times, men do not recall their dreams. When they do, they relay of dreaming in black and white, in third person. Women are more likely to dream in vivid color, first person. Women are also more apt to recall extensive detail. It is common for me to recall dreams. I am a rare breed as I often have lucid dreams. As a lucid dreamer, I am able to manipulate the outcome of my dreams. I also dream in Technicolor, and 99.9% of the time, I dream “through my own eyes.” In fact, I can only recall one instance of dreaming in third person, a foreign and bizarre concept. Another item to ponder, is the way in which we dream genetic? My mother and I share similar dreaming patterns. I’ve asked my father of his dreams and he responded with, “I don’t dream much, but when I do, they are strange, detailed, vivid.” Me too, on both accounts. I’ve heard most dreams are quite short. I struggle with this concept as mine are often long, detailed, movies inside my head. Then again, I typically enter another world when sleeping. I’ve been told I appear to be dead when I am asleep. My pulse has been checked, my breathing questioned. I slip into coma-like state and it is difficult to rouse me from slumber. I sleep through alarms (yes, plural,) tornado sirens, phone calls, and thunderstorms. Sleep (and dreams) are precious to me.
Ask the following silly question to a man in your life: “What kind of shampoo do you use?” Prepare yourself for one of the following six answers: “Suave,” “Pert Plus,” “Head & Shoulders,” “Pantene,” “I have no idea,” or “whatever my wife/girlfriend/mother/roommate buys.” Really? You don’t know what you use, assumedly every day, to wash your hair? Right. Sure you don’t. I’m going to challenge you because I am willing to bet money on the fact you don’t want us to know you wash your hair with Tropical Paradise Suave. Now, ask a handful of women to answer this same silly question, and expect to receive a different answer from each woman. Ask the same set of women this precise question two months from now, and expect each woman to give an different answer from their original answer. Furthermore, men have few shower items while women have a shower packed full of shampoos, conditioners, body washes, scrubs, shaving gels, face washes, bubble baths, razors, etc. The shampoo aisle at Drug Emporium sucks me in. I have to smell a million different brands before settling on one overpriced bottle of shampoo. Men will pick the $.99 bottom of Suave. My shower is a shampoo haven. Currently, it houses Joico, Paul Mitchell, and Samy. My shower is a rotating door for shampoo and body wash. It is uncommon for me to purchase the same brand twice. I do stay true to my face wash and makeup remover. Some consistency is good.
I’ll also spend a wad of cash on shoes. My mother harasses me, encouraging me to quit buying shoes because “I don’t need them.” Instruction I find comical as her closet is crammed full of beautiful, expensive shoes neatly housed in their original boxes. I don’t mind spending a fortune on jeans, a habit largely influenced by my friend Wes. You can tell a difference. Expensive shoes and jeans fit better. I recently heckled Steven, my neighbor, for wearing what appeared to be basic jeans. He shrugged and assured me he didn’t give a damn about jeans. He didn’t even know the brand. Upon further review, I discovered they were actually a rather expensive pair of jeans and I retracted my heckling. Wes is the minority. Men usually buy cheap jeans and own three pairs of shoes. I cannot think of one woman who owns less than 20 pairs of shoes. Even the women who “don’t care” about shoes have a vast collection. I will sport a $3 Old Navy t-shirt with a pair of $200 jeans. It all comes out in the wash.
Take note of candles purchased by men versus candles purchased by women. Most men buy vanilla scented candles. Yuck. Every woman will purchase something different. The candles in my house currently? In my bedroom, I have a floral lily scented candle. In my living room, I have a “blue bamboo” scented candle. Blue bamboo? What the hell does blue bamboo smell like anyway? This particular candle smells like a memory. It reminds me of my August 2007 vacation in Chicago. I have a “Hollywood” scented candle in my dining area. It smells of eucalyptus which reminds me of my mother. Walk through the home of a man you know. If candles exist, take note of the scent and then smile and nod as you discover the abundance of vanilla candles.
While you’re on a field trip through a man’s home, also glance at the walls, which is quite often all you will see. What is it with men and the absence of pictures on their walls? A naked wall is a man’s décor. Or, occasionally a man will hang a picture of a hunting dog, deer, or duck. This is unacceptable and cringe-worthy. A woman will decorate every inch of bare space. My walls are covered with art, clocks, mirrors, quotes, and a gong. Yes, a gong. I prefer simplistic artwork, though I prefer a lot of it. I am not a fan of hanging portraits of people on the wall, though I love framed pictures of friends and family, which I proudly display on my table tops. Portraits are rarely seen (in a frame or otherwise) in a man’s home. My friend Jim is an exception. He has several framed photographs of family and friends, neatly matted, and displayed throughout his house. I am always delighted to see pictures and portraits in a single man’s home. It is a sign of sentiment and regard that I consider lovely.
I could go on and on and on, but I will spare you. Again, I am aware of the exceptions. I’m sure there are plenty of men who love the color eggplant, who dream in color, use Rusk, own 100 pairs of shoes and expensive denim. But these men are just that, the exception, the minority, the stray in the pack. Take a poll among the women and men. Note the responses and share your results. These “yin” and “yang” elements are far more interesting than the standard “men like math, women like words, men like sports, women like makeup.” So please, enlighten me.
Comments
while my favorite color is green, I was my hair with Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Shampoo. and I love art on my wall. I may go with simple levi's, I love my shoes, and I have more than my fair share. great blog, Lauryn.
LAURYN: You're what I would like to call "the exception." I figure the majority of responders will be the exception. Why? No one wants to believe they are a cookie-cutter mold of another. :-) And thank you.
Posted by: MR | December 18, 2008 02:11 PM
you forgot--as far as shampoo goes--"the kind with the kangaroo."
LAURYN: Ah. Aussie. Yes, but I felt this was a discovery made outside of my own observation, hence the reason it was omitted-- but yeah, that too.
Posted by: Shay | December 18, 2008 02:41 PM
Where are you getting this dream information from? Speaking as a guy, I almost always dream in first person, in color and remember my dreams, sometimes I lucid dream, sometimes not.. I don't dream often though, like two or three times a week at most. I used to dream all the time when I was younger, now, not so much, is that stress? Maybe... Hard living?... probably... no more dreams to chase?... I hope not.
Mad luv, TBW
LAURYN: Info is based solely on conversations with males (and females) in relation to the subject at hand. I added my disclaimer in paragraph uno. I know there are exceptions, but in general, I've relayed common feedback I've received.
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December 18, 2008 02:44 PM
I believe I am a cross between both descriptions...I buy the .99 shampoo, I don't spend a lot on jeans and I don't have many shoes (I would if I weren't broke all the time though!) but what you say is pretty darn accurate! Every guy I know says their fav color is blue and their houses look like they've just moved in, even if they've lived there for years...Men just need good women in their lives, that's what it boils down to!
LAURYN: "...their houses look like they just moved in, even if they're lived there for years." Exactly.
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December 18, 2008 02:48 PM
wow, well written Lauryn. you're right -- but im THAT girl that doesnt think she fits the cookie cutter. i am a somewhat typical woman. my favorite color is green, i buy cheap shampoo that i don't know the name of -- and sometimes i buy the kind that is shampoo AND body wash in one so i can save money and time. but im not a pennypincher. i like the look of a bare wall. a painted wall, but a bare wall. i refuse to spend money on shoes, although i work at... we sell the most expensive shoes in arkansas. i dont care the scent of a candle as long as it doesnt smell like baked goods. jeans. you have found my exception. -- I AM FEMALE AFTER ALL!! (like i ever wondered) -- i will spend an absurd amount of money on a pair of hug my ass, stretch my legs pair of fantastic jeans! but i only buy about one pair a year...
so, my husband is either a very unlucky man, or a very lucky one. he missed the girlie train with me apparently -- that, BUT he gets to keep more of his paycheck than most hubbys... i dont know.
good blog!! i ALWAYS enjoy reading what you have to say!
LAURYN: Ah, but you are the reason I am willing to spend $70 on makeup remover. And perhaps you don't spend a great deal on shoes, but how many pairs do you own? :-) Correction, how many pairs did you own pre-dog? :-)
Posted by: FirstMonthOfTheYear | December 18, 2008 04:15 PM
Girl...you need to find a new group of guys! :)
LAURYN: Wow.
Posted by: Carrie | December 18, 2008 05:06 PM
You are very correct. My husband's shampoo is whatever I hand him to use up because I have tired of it and now I am sick of having it around. Seriously. I, however, at this moment, have 6 or 7 different kinds of shampoo, 4 or 5 different conditioners, and I think 8 or 9 different body washes or soaps. I really think it's a sickness. My honey's fave color is blue. Mine is varied and depends on the day- periwinkle, deep indigo, lavender, etc. I dream very detailed, very, very colorful dreams. Hubby rarely remembers. Yep. You got us down purty dang well there. Oh- until I have a body worth putting a pair of $200 jeans on- it ain't happenin'. I'll stick with my $80 Chico's jeans that I paid $40 for. :-) No amount of money paid for jeans will make fat look great. Heeheehee!!!
LAURYN: You're funny-- except the fat part. That's not true!!!
Posted by: Kate | December 18, 2008 11:59 PM
Lauryn,
When Pat and I were dating, he had exactly two pictures on the walls of his three bedroom house. One was a life size poster of Marilyn Monroe tacked up next to the computer. The other was a matted and framed photograph of an engine. He shampoos with Pantene, which he and my male child refer to as "that kind in the white bottle". He wears Levis and wears the same pair of shoes to work every single day. He is certainly not the exception.
And if you want more proof for your point, come observe my kiddos. Raising opposite sex children is quite enlightening.
LAURYN: I receive a lot of responses via email rather than here, publically. I have one in particular (from my dad) that you'll appreciate. It touches on the the "that one" you present above. I willl say, the Marilyn Monroe selection is cool-- much neater than say, oh antlers!!
Posted by: Angel | December 19, 2008 01:55 AM
Nature vs. Nurture. We are divided in color by sex as babies. Boys get baby blue, girls get pink. Toddler boys get deeper blues, reds, and greens. Toddler girls get pastels and yellows. I remember my little brother in kindergarden loving purple and orange (together! ack) and I loved red and pink (together again! ack). My mother quickly put a stop to it teaching us about "unacceptable color combinations". We are carefully taught since childhood about what colors (and combinations) are acceptable for which sex. Then we spend our whole lives going against the grain if it is in our souls to do so. The key is that we have to "go against the grain" at all. Why not just let kids pick the colors they like and stop giving them grief about their choices. I gave up trying to choose and I now pick the rainbow when asked for my favorite color. Another interesting tidbit, we tend to pick out clothing in colors that will look good on us. Whether it is from years of trial and error in the dressing room, or from some natural instinct to pick a color that will make us more attractive and more able to "survive" with the "fittest"... that's another blog I suppose.
LAURYN: I love how your beginning sentence notes "BABY" blue. :-) And yes, a great deal of our differences are predetermined before we're even hatched. True. The other portion, as you noted, I am certain is driven by society. That said, how do we explain the shampoo...
Posted by: Lauren | December 19, 2008 10:06 AM
Intriguing as always, Lauryn. I'm a (semi-) lucid dreamer. Sometimes I'm in control & sometimes I'm not. Much like my own life. I am able to fly occasionally and I remember some dream where I was able to put words into people's mouths. Mind control? I'm not a megalomaniac, but I am mischievous. Megalomischief? And I'd better not say WHICH words I put in those dream people's mouths... because, to paraphrase a recent documentary... This Blog Has Not Yet Been Rated. :-)
LAURYN: My dreams often involve flying as well. Oddly, I have a ton of "plane crash" dreams as well-- but I always survive. Hmm. Where does my psyche get this? Heh. But, what is your favorite color and what kind of shampoo do you use?
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December 19, 2008 10:15 AM
Color is...Dark Midnight Blue (click on my name).
Shampoo is...Neutrogena T-Gel. Yep, I've got a freaky scalp.
LAURYN: AHA-- but it IS blue.
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December 19, 2008 01:59 PM
Well, that was interesting. I'm sure there are more differences than just shoe count, color preference and jean expenditure. I asked Bob his favorite color...BLUE. There you go!! You're right about women...I have several favorite colors. I like to wear black, cream, aqua, lavendar and navy which are really cool colors, but in my house I like warm colors, if I were to pick a crayon out of a box it would be a bright pink or orange and I like orange and pink together...in a crayon box. I asked Bob what shampoo he uses. Soap...Soap!!! even though our shower has every smoothing, moisturizing, fluffing, voluminizing brand, and scents ranging from citrus (orange and lemon to exotic petals from jasmine to oriental orchid) But...then again, Bob is bald. I have an insane need to have great soaps too. Soaps not so much body washes...my personal favorite Celadon by Lady Primrose something you have to order on line www.ladyprimrose.com....smells good. I asked Bob "what are your dreams like?" He said, "I dream very little". Whereas, I dream very actively and can "will" myself to dream about particular people or events. All I have to do is concentrate on who or what I want to dream about before I go to sleep. And I can also write my dreams down as I sleep...an aquired talent that is so revealing and detailed. I once dreamed I was driving a VW bug down a mountain and my brakes went out. Upon waking I remembered that part....but I had been writing my dream down as I slept (a scribling on paper with details you never remember...what I didn't remember, but what I wrote was that I was choking on a popsicle stick....whew...freudian...but I didn't remember it until I read my scribbled notes. What man would do that OR TRY to do that? Hey, NONE. Probably not many women either, but it can be done, fairly easily. They say eating cheese before going to bed will cause you to dream more vividly....Hey, or take Chantix to quit smoking....you'll dream then. I dreamt for six weeks about special people in my life that were gone (passed away). I dreamt of my mother and my father and many friends that have died....all of them were happy and it was so good to see them. It wasn't scary...it was good. You're right Lauren...I have probably 190 pairs of shoes (an exageration, unless I mix and match..that's special...and still wonder what I'll wear...and I save the special Italian and Spanish ones for special occassions...but...I've had some of those shoes for 18 years. When you have a lot of shoes, they never wear out. I asked Bob how many pairs of shoes he has..He said 5, of course , from my count he's got 5 pairs of running shoes alone. I reminded him of this (those don't count he said) Jeans, at age 51 I'm not so in to jeans, even though I can still squeeze into an off sized 4...Bob has a pair of DUDE jeans..YES, DUDE, that his Mom gave him many years ago...An elite runner that will actually put on Jeans that have an ELASTIC waist and DUDE on the pocket. He's not allowed to wear them out of the drive way.
I asked Bob what kind of scented candle he likes...his answer...what do you mean? Yeah, right!! I said, if you bought a candle what would you buy....He said, I guess a Yankee candle (he must've read that somewhere or maybe he heard of them from somewhere...I said, but what "kind of scent"...He thought for a while ( I thought he was about to fall asleep...) and he said..I guess apple cinammon. So I guess guys like "food" scented candles. HA.
On the subject of wall decor...Bob happens to like wall decor, but it tends to be scenaries....like waves bursting on a rock, or an old salty man with a pipe. My art work....in my opinion, is art...but then again, I've got my favorite art...a WWII Matted japanese flag, or a watercolor by Grace or Ed Moore...most of my art is original work...and alot of it is done by friends. I need a piece by Tim Jacob, a local LR artist. I always buy an original piece when I go somewhere neat, even if it's only 2 x 3 inches big, and Bob always wonders...why are you buying that...until it's framed and hung.
Here's another difference in the sexes...It's Christmas and one really big difference is our shopping habits....take a survey on Christmas from Men and women on that one. It seems women can buy for other women with ease....do -dads galore...but a women buying for a man...It's tough. Or a man for a woman....they either opt for jewelry...or household gadgets. Hey and you won't see a man pout if he gets something for the house. And if you get him jewelry....see if he wears it.
Good job Lauren...and your dad always did like Midnight blue.
LAURYN: Interesting. Your response (much like dad's) was a blog in itself! Your comment on Bob's Yankee candle response "he probably read that somewhere" made me nearly choke from laughing. And I too, keep my shoes (and clothes for that matter) for years and years. I have things from high school. I attach sentiment to certain items, even if I've not worn them in years and I find it nearly impossible to get rid of them. Note your other two daughters don't hold the same sentimental value to clothes and shoes. I'm an odd duck in that regard. Additionally, I told you about eating cheese before bed time and DAD told me this tidbit. Tends to inspire bad dreams. The dead often visit me via dream as well. And like you, most appear quite content in my dreams. Telling...
Posted by: momster | December 19, 2008 10:55 PM
I never buy the same shampoo twice, though I hat clutter so one bottle goes in the trash (empty or not) before I use the other one. Unless it is really expensive then it goes under the counter for emergency usage only. I have about 30 pair of jeans. I have a serious jean problem...It just so happens that the ones that make my bootie look good cost well over $100. I'm like you on the shirts. If I see something cute at Kmart, I'll buy it and wear it with my Seven jeans :) It is a good thing my husband is fits the "typical guy" discription, or we would be broke. Seriously Head and Shoulders, Three pair of shoes, bare walls (even though he doesn't get his way on this...) the whole bit....
LAURYN: I do the same thing with shampoo! I grew sick of it and it either meets the trash can-- or, as you stated, is slotted under the sink. Oddly, it usually never sees the light of day again and eventually, it too, is trashed. Seven's don't fit me well. I like Sacred Blue or True Religion. eBay and consignment shops prove to be a great route for purchasing expensive jeans. I recently paid $8 for a pair of $200 jeans!!! So, while my taste is expensive-- I am certainly not too proud to do purchase the thrifty way.
Posted by: Bethany | December 22, 2008 09:58 PM
I know it's been approximately 7 years since you posted this, but I've been continuing to poll male friends about their favorite color. One thing I've noticed: it's true even for gay men. Blue, followed by green. Every single time. I had never noticed before, but it's absolutely uncanny. Me? Persimmon, dark chocolate, paprika, mimosa. All of mine are food based, which I guess isn't much of a coincidence.
Shoes I have to diverge on, though. I think I have eight pairs, and that includes slippers and flip flops. I drop all my cash on sweaters. I love a good cardigan.
LAURYN: The color thing is strange. I've polled more and more men/women as well-- and 99.9% of the time, it rings true. Noticing less women with the shoe fetish. Guess I can't be right 100% of the time.
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March 27, 2009 11:13 AM