Misadventures in the Dark

Love it, absolutely love it! Especially the "taking things with us" and how we all linger, even when we don't want to admit it... ;o)

LAURYN: Double edged sword.

That is the ultimate cop out of all time. Almost as bad as when someone wants to date you but they find and tiny miniscule excuse they can not to because they are scared to date someone who is their equal. Ugh, so annoying !

LAURYN: Aha. Cute public jab at me. I, unlike readers, know who you are "major dad." And miniscule? Dude, don't even. You had your chance and you selected another avenue, remember!? I will call you out, publically. Check your email. I'll save the brunt of it for only you, punk.

I think you need an entire blog dealing with "catch phrases". You and your group of friends are the absolute best/worst about that. : )

LAURYN: Yeah, true story.

At least i can spell "publicly" correctly!

LAURYN: Damn it, damn it, damn. And touche.

"At least i can spell "publicly" correctly!" Posted by: Major dad | January 7, 2009 05:15 PM

Actually, "Major dad"... either spelling-"publically" or "publicly"- is acceptable. Click on my name.

Oh...and if you're going to be a grammar/punctuation Nazi...you might want to goose-step your way through your own sentences first:

"Almost as bad as when someone wants to date you but they find and tiny miniscule excuse they can not to because they are scared to date someone who is their equal."

Perhaps you meant "any tiny miniscule excuse..." ?

A redundancy that's about as profound as calling someone a "stupid idiot."

Although those two words probably have a familiar ring to you.

Reminds of me of the song...."why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends..." You know, when it's right people know it. And sometimes it takes a long , slow process to realize this and cherish it instead of you know, putting the "romance first....the glowy eyed look first. That'll disappoint everytime. When it's "right", the trust and enlightenment as a person just brings life to a comfortable place and there is nothing wrong with comfort. It does exist and I've found friendship first exposes you to an understanding that leads to love. You know, everyone is flawed. What's really nice is when you find someone who is endeared to your flaws...loves you ,and most of all understands you, and vice versa. Mutual understanding. It's a nice place to be when you find love with someone who "gets you". When this happens, guess what, you finally feel comfortable being who you are...flaws, faults and all. It's worth being open to. It's worth it to be open without either throwing yourself out to hang in the breeze, but also enough to know that everyone is a gift and their friendship is worthy of care. Not everyone gets along, not everyone is meant to connect. As Bob says, "that's why there's chocolate and vanilla" If you are too full tilt or too withdrawn you aren't too comfortable, are you?....Don't miss the opportunity to be loved, but you'll know when you are...and funny, guess what, as my mom would say, "you've got to be a friend to have a friend"...the same is true about love. So maybe instead of critiquing some one, or wondering what's wrong with you...why not just find peace and joy in the friendship first....then the cliche..."it's me not you" won't be applied. Meanwhile, I'll try to figure out who major dad is... because that's one of my flaws...nosiness (did I spell that wright...just kidding) Right?!?

LAURYN: I agree on all points...

Damn! Number one-if Major Dad is who I think it is- I think it's hysterical that he got busted out! He always does that to himself! #2- I always felt like it WAS me, not them, because if they were nice, decent people-I had to get rid of them as fast as possible. I knew this was warped...And #3- you and I and my husband have all switched phrases so much I am almost lost as to who started what originally. Nice. (That is from you. And now I, my husband and my daughter all say it. Thanks.)

LAURYN: "If wishes were fishes, we'd all have a fry." OR "Kate, if I wanted any lip from you, I'd scrape it off my zipper." Best phrases ever uttered by your husband. :-)

Ohhhh! I love a good comment board fight! YAY!
Two things:
1. I am horrible at stealing laughs... not just a little bad... HORRIBLE. I don't know that I can remember what my own is! So I appreciate you bringing up the little things we steal.

2. There have been a couple times when it really was me and not them. Me not wanting to be with them can constitute "it's not you it's me"... right? ;)

LAURYN: I think "it's not you..." is weak. I prefer brutal truth, but hey, that's just me.

"It's not me, it's you." YES! I like that and that actually seems more accurate at times. I'm not perfect but I know when I've done nothing wrong, ya know! I also tend to stay friends with all of my exes and the new guys I date always hate that, how do ya get past that one? ....All guys that use the line "it's not you, it's me" should live in Shady Pines!!!! Fo shizzle!

hey "Elusive Caught",

If I wanted to hear from an arsehole I'd have farted

"Elusive Caught" , I knew they could pile it high but how did they ever teach it talk and type on a computer?

LAURYN: Someone can dish it out...

"Major dad,"

Two attempts & that's the best you could do? Those insults were limp when I first heard them on the playground in 3rd grade.

Speaking of limp...you might look into some kind of Viagra for a certain part of the brain. Because your wit sure can't get it up.

LAURYN: Y'all are cracking me up.

hey EC,

The last thing you elusively caught was a scorching case of herpes.

Congratulations on that one bud.

LAURYN: Ouch. Burn (pun intended.) You two...

Major dad,

Still haven't had enough, eh? OK. Making sh*t up out of thin air isn't particularly clever. My responses were based on lame things you actually said on this blog. Instead of trying to actually refute what I write, you desperately change the subject with personal insults that have nothing to do with the topic at hand.

If I wanted to play on your level, I could just make up some similar stuff, like, oh, "Based on what you've written, you've clearly got a MAJOR case of syphilis affecting your brain."

But that would be wrong. Primarily because syphilis causes insanity...not stupidity.

EC,

I am having fun playing on this level, thank you.

I am good friends with the blogger and was just playing around with her and she knew it. You are the one that started with the insults to try to "come to her rescue"- probably b/c you think she is cute.

Your arrogant, psuedo-intellectual tone is laughable. Only a c*cksucking prick would take this as seriously as you are my friend.

Can we please get some more "momster" action around here please? She rocks!

Flame WAR!

I go away and the poo hits the fan. Who knew I was the force of peace and goodwill? ;)

Yes, momster, I'm nosy too. I think I know who elusive caught is. I know who bopbamboom is on the regular blog. But Major Dad. I don't know! I DON"T KNOW!

Oh I hate the "it's not you, it's me" because it's a cop out. Then again, there is the "it's not right. You're not the one" where it's merely an incompatibility issue or an "it's just not there" issue which makes it really hard to say something bad about the other person. Some people like to go out more than others. Some people like to spend more time with their lovers than others. ALthough there is a level where that becomes "needy," there is a level where it's just "different strokes for different folks"

But I think the "it's not you it's not me" is a little passive aggressive and a cliche. I hate someone who doesn't give me enough thought to break up with me with something so lame as a cliche. I mean at least put the time and effort to come up with a clever and original excuse dammit.

But yes if there's no friendship in the first place. You're not going to have it when the romance dies.

LAURYN: I have to say, I am stumped as to who you are... really. While I will agree with my mother's (momster) comments, they are not providing any earth shattering, breaking news. I even noted it as difficult to detach sometimes DUE to the friendship. Certainly a huge slice of the pie-- and has been uttered on more than one occasion. ON THE FLIP SIDE, friendship is not the only necessary component. I feel the chemistry/attraction is also enormously important. Sometimes, one or the other (friendship, attaction) is altered because of the other. Still, gotta have both. I think it is evident I am selective in who I hand my heart to-- I'd like to think my mom would give me credit in being picky. I demand a lot. I've seen too many failed/forced marriages. I'm waiting on perfect. Perfect for ME. If it doesn't happen, I am content in the hope of its existence which to mean, always beats regret. Regret in giving it all away... to the wrong... friend.

And yeah, little bit o' commotion on this one, eh? Need to get EC and MD some boxing gloves. I know who both EC and MD and actually, would be a fun match. I'll post details if the match transpires.

But really, do I know you??? :-)

MD, I'd agree that "momster" makes some great contributions.

To clarify a bit...I don't think the blogger needs me or anyone else on here to "rescue" her. I wouldn't presume to be so sexist. I'm sure based on what I've read on here that she can handle herself just fine.

I just figured if you could dish it out, you should be able to take it. Nothing more, nothing less and above all not that serious. A little gratuitous verbal violence only juices up the blog traffic. ;-)

LAURYN: Hey, thanks! You and MD really would get along quite swimmingly in the "real" world.

Well, now that all the fireworks are over, i guess there is no more insults to hurl.. *virtual awkward man-hug for EC*

But yeah, Lauryn, I agree about the firendship thing - I too, as you know, have found myself stuck in a relationship where all that was left was the 'friend" part and thats a hard situation. You feel that there is a hollowness there but you care so much about them as a friend that you don't want to hurt them. Balancing the friendship/passion in a relationship is tough. Its either passionate as hell and fight all the time or great friends and but no spark.

LAURYN: Both are tough.

Lucky me....requested! I do know who Major Dad is....one of my favorites, to tell you the truth, of Lauren...I mean Lauryn's friends :) Here's my advise to EC and MD..."if you can't write anything nice...don't write anything at all.....that's what my Mom taught me...HA And you know...my little opinion was trite...BUT, have you ever been loved despite of your flaws, and loved someone else regardless of their flaws...Really??? I mean not everyone can boast that they got caught "nosy-ing" around in their ex-secret service boyfriends' "secret" bag...and still was loved...now...he COULD'VE shot me...no questions asked...but he "understood".

LAURYN: Oh brother, please don't stroke MD's already inflated ego any more!! Jokes-- MD is one of my favorite people too. Forunately, I have loved someone despite their flaws, and fortunately, I feel I've been loved in spite of mine as well. Unfortunately, the two loves were in separate relationships-- as in, mutual love was absent. Mutual, soulful, genuine love, was absent. As I've told you, I've got no regrets, mom. I try to be honest and kind to most people in my life and ultimately, this is what I attract. Thus the reason I am surrounded by such incredible friends, family. I'm 28. You've said, "all of your friends are married. Isn't it time you settle too?" And the answer is absolutely not! I will not gauge my love/life based on the lives of my friends. Know this, if and when I meet the right person, I will know the waiting wasn't in vain. I assure you, friendship will be the root. I think you should take pride in knowing you raised someone who demands the best-- and hopes to give her best in return. To quote another, "Too many things in this world are mediocre. Love should not be one of them." That is my standard. High.. and for the "right" reasons.

You're stumped because you don't know me at all. I don't even think I've seen you in person.

I just found this blog and remember the bashing you got your first post and stayed around.

If you knew me, you would know that ME being the force of peace and goodwill is hilarious. Once, I inadvertently started a horribly large and hilarious flame war on a site by asking the question "Is Texas the South? I don' t think it is" You would have though I threw a baby in a turkey fryer by the all the cursing and flaming going around with that one.

But yes, chemistry is important. Pretty important, it is a litmus test for me. Then again some of my biggest failed relationships could be attributed to paying too much attention to chemistry and not enough attention to everything else. The stupid relationship decisions made in my youth would make a hilarious book. Finding the perfect balance is something I'm still perfecting. (like writing a sentence that isn't redundant.)

LAURYN: I always enjoy your responses. Throwing a baby in a turkey fryer... wow. Is Texas the South. I don't think it is." <-- PRICELESS. The first post was a crummy "first" post. It was written to be read by an audience of friends, those who know me. My mother immediately called and said, "Is my daughter a slut!?!?!?" partially in jest and partially, well, concerned. I'm not, but of course the post would be misunderstood by an audience of strangers. Takes a lot to get me going. A few insults from a few strangers hiding behind a phony name certainly didn't penetrate the skin.

Okay, when you noted "knowing" certain responders (whom I don't know,) I had to ask. I obviously know a considerable amount of responders, but there remains many strangers. Fortunately, those I don't know tend to keep their responses sweeter. Maybe they're all busy bashing the politically/negatively fueled internet blogs/columns/whatevers. Not much fun to argue with someone who doesn't care enough to argue back. Make sense?

It's hard to bash someone's heart. It's like kicking a puppy or something.

Yeah the baby/turkey fryer thing was a gruesome image but those were some righteously indignant Texans. I'm glad they didn't know where i live because I would have been on the lookout for flaming bags of dog poop.

LAURYN: One of my best friends, Kate, is from Texas. She knows of my disdain for the state and recently brought me back a Texas-shaped hunk of cheese. I can't make this up!!!! It was fun destroying that chunk of cheddar.

I just got dumped by my girl with the "it's not you it's me". Before she said this she explained that she'd thought about it for a while and decided not to make scathing excuses. The thing is, I sit here all night wondering "What happened?"
I'd been faithful to her, put up with all her sleezing with ex-boyfriends. Did everything to make her happy. At times I offered to change myself to suit what she wanted, at which point she threatened to dump me if I became too obsessed. Dumped with no explanation. We are supposed to still be good friends, but all I get is a cold shoulder. It sort of sounds like she dumped me because she was afraid I would eventually dump her, but when she realised I was going to stick by her, she just got tired of me. Sure, go ahead, tell me I should just forget the jerk of a girl. It still hurts.

LAURYN: Always hurts-- but a lie hurts far more than the truth. This is a tough one. I'll say, honestly, in the past, I've dated great guys... men who were kind, concerned, and good to me, but for some reason (though often undefinable,) something was missing. I will say, cheating is unacceptable. Beyond being hurtful, it clearly is representative of something being "wrong." In other words, it's impossible for me to imagine being with anyone else when I am with the right person. It's not option. And though it hurts, you know you're better off. Allows you to have the opportunity to find the "right" girl, the one who will reciprocate your emotion and kindness.

Hi Lauryn,
Thank you for the reply. I might point out that she never actually cheated on me. She just used to cuddle others while I was around. Eventually I realised that it didn't mean anything.
If it wasn't for the fact that I believe you are American, I would almost mistake you for her. (People wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people where I live!)
You seem to have the same sort of common sense that she had. At any rate, it's early days in our breakup just now (about one month).
I guess you're right, I'm free to meet others now. Just have to meet someone who is right _and_ single. A hard combination to find.
I don't throw my arms around just anyone. There has to be something special. And that special something is never related to how pretty or well dressed someone is.
Thanks again,
It's nice to be acknowledged.
Wundercanis.

LAURYN: Your recognition in knowing something better awaits... is the first step. I have to ask, where do you live???

Hiya, I'm from Australia. Am I right in assuming you are American? I put the phrase "it's not you, it's me" into my search engine on a night I was feeling gloomy and came across your site.
Aside from the odd flame wars, it made me feel better in a sour sort of way. You aren't Australian by any chance are you? Your grammer seems somehow familiar...

LAURYN: I am American. Funny what a search on the internet will route back to you...