Misadventures in the Dark

I'm going to have to side with you on this one Lauryn. You can be great friends with someone, that you've known for years, sleep with them one time and both agree maybe that wasn't such a good idea. And things go back to the way they were...just really good friends. A one night stand infers there will probably be no exchange of phone numbers (not real ones anyways), no future contact of any kind, etc. It is what it is. My 2 cents :)

LAURYN: Cashing your two cents in...

My opinion is that a one night stand is between two people that don't know each other, and in the morning really wish they didn't know each other. I think that have a one night fling with a friend is different due to the intimacy that the friends share. I think that the reason they call it a "one night stand" is that in the morning you stand up and walk away from it. It isn't a "one night let's go get coffee". If it is a friend it may happen again... therefore it would not be one night.

LAURYN: "One night stand, let's go have coffee...." Exactly!

I would have to agree with you, Lauryn. I picture a one night stand being drunk and with a person I just met and may not even know their name (I think we're all guilty of it at some point!) If it happens with a friend then I believe that crosses over to the "friends with benefits" catagory, even if it only happened once. That's just my opinion though! :)

LAURYN: Two of my co-workers said the EXACT SAME THING-- "friends with benefits." BUT, can we really apply this term if it only occurs once? Would that not be, "friends with benefit?"--as in, singular?

Agreeing with you, Lauryn. Although, I think a one night stand, is also a one-time awkward moment when you wake up the next morning. But a friends with benefit, continues to be awkward between you. And if it's not awkward, well maybe it should be more than just friends with benefits. :)

LAURYN: And I hold an opposing view. If there is a chance for awkwardness, the entire situation should be avoided-- as in, strictly friends.

This begs the question, "Is a one night stand necessarily a bad thing?" Personally, I find them icky but have met people and bonded in a wierd way that if I had engaged in sex with them it would have probably been more meaningful than some instances that I have had sexually with someone I had known longer. Originally, the term "One Night Stand" refered to a theatrical performance only being one night later it grew to include musical concerts as well. Webster's dictionary describes it, in addition to the previous definition, as " a single sexual encounter." I think that it is all in the perceptions of the event and expectations of a perceived relationship or lack there of.

LAURYN: AHHH FINALLY-- a most excellent response. Kudo's to this comment! You opened a new door. Though, if the bond truly exists, would (at the very least a friendship) something not continue?? And, if it were to evolve, would this not replace the encounter of a "one night stand" to something more substantial-- even if it began backwards?

Lauryn you are 100% CORRECT.... neighbor boy is WRONG...

LAURYN: Though the previous commenter makes me question it based on the very definition of "one night stand."

I think that although the literal definition is "a single sexual encounter" over time it has diverted from the literal. It is like the word awesome. That word is so much more powerful in definition then in slang. I think that if you are using the term one night stand in this day in age it is almost a derogatory term. I think that if people lived by the definition more than by what people have made it into, life would be much less complicated.

LAURYN: As Annette stated... good point.

I think a one night stand is the result of uncontrolable passion and a lack of emotional investment. To wonder about what happens next, well that is another question. I don't think it matters if you know the person or not , what matters is if you want more in the morning. If you do, it was more than a one night stand , or soon will be. A one night stand, is just that, one night. Don't confuse it with a person.

LAURYN: Essentially, you agree with Steven. Interesting...

Well, considering that "one night stand" is a colloquialism, I think the definition is open to interpretation... and is NOT inflexible in definition.

According to the Urban Dictionary , it's exactly as you say it is, Lauryn...

If you want input from a source with a bit more credibility, I think the entry listed in wikipedia best describes my understanding/interpretation of a one-night stand... specifically:

"A one-night stand can be thought of as an irregular and unplanned sexual encounter between individuals. The participants will usually have little or no contact with one another aside from sex. Thus it is possible to have multiple one-night stands with the same person, provided that there is no regularity to the encounters or planning involved in the encounters. However, where the people involved have a regular sexual relationship without romantic involvement, this is generally considered a casual relationship (also referred to using terms such as "no strings attached" or "friends with benefits"), and is generally considered distinct from the one-night stand phenomenon."

LAURYN: Nice- multiple "one night stands" with the same person. Interesting...

Stop the presses! I agree with Wes and Steven. I guess I'm a bit more literal and never actually put that much thought into it. I just always assumed that a "one night stand" was just that. Once. Regardless of how well you know them. If it happened again somewhere down the road- well then, that person moved out of the catagory of ONS.

LAURYN: Really?

Hmmm... for some stupid reason, HTML (specifically, HTML hyperlinks) doesn't seem to post in the comments and this is very frustrating. So now I feel the urge to copy and paste the text posted on the Urban Dictionary webpage and the wikipedia listing.

FROM URBAN DICTIONARY:

1. one night stand -
Hooking up with someone for one night of sex with no strings attached and hoping to never see them again. It is important not to exchange any personal info with them so they can't track you down and stalk you later.
I had a one night stand with this guy I picked up at the club.

2. one night stand -
When you bang a chick with the intentions of never seeing or talking to her ever again.

3. One Night Stand -
The dirtiest form of pointless sex.
A guy or a girl meets someone at some place (usually dance club)
and decides to have sex (only one time) with
that person without getting into a relationship.

The next day you leave without saying anything and
hoping that you didn't get any STDs...

Speaking of STDs,it's the easiest way to get STDs from
unknown sex partners, have fun!

People consider girls who had One Night Stands as whores.

Guy A: " Did you hear that? Jannete had already 5 One Night Stands!!"

Guy B:" Really? What a slut!"

Guy A:"Wonder how she feels after getting banged and thrown away like trash!"

AND FROM WIKIPEDIA:

ONE NIGHT STAND

Originally, a one-night stand referred to a single night theatre performance, usually by a guest group on tour. Today, however, the term is more commonly understood as a single sexual encounter between individuals, where neither individual has any immediate intention or expectation of establishing a long-term sexual or romantic relationship.

Society
Individuals participating in a one-night stand typically have not known each other long and have had minimal time to get to know each other before engaging in sexual activity. A one-night sexual encounter is not necessarily always a one-night stand; the crucial distinction is the expectation or intention that the relationship will not necessarily be extended beyond the initial sexual encounter. A one-night stand is differentiated from prostitution, as it takes place without direct payment of money and from a casual relationship, which may not initially involve sex and may continue long-term.

A one-night stand can be thought of as an irregular and unplanned sexual encounter between individuals. The participants will usually have little or no contact with one another aside from sex. Thus it is possible to have multiple one-night stands with the same person, provided that there is no regularity to the encounters or planning involved in the encounters. However, where the people involved have a regular sexual relationship without romantic involvement, this is generally considered a casual relationship (also referred to using terms such as "no strings attached" or "friends with benefits" or a "fuck buddy" ), and is generally considered distinct from the one-night stand phenomenon.

The risks of participating in one-night stands can include the risks of having unprotected sex, such as unwanted pregnancy or contraction of STDs. Effective use of contraceptive devices can help combat unwanted pregnancies, but condoms are the only effective way of preventing STDs.

Researchers have found that women's feelings after one night stands are much more negative than men's. Feeling 'used' was the predominant negative emotion they felt the next morning and they also worried about their reputations and felt as if they had let themselves down. Professor Anne Campbell from Durham University said "What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her. The women thought this lack of gratitude implied that she did this with anybody."[1]

References:
^ "Women Have Not Adapted To Casual Sex, Research Shows". Science Daily. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/06/080625092023.htm. Retrieved on 2008-06-26.

LAURYN: Thanks for re-posting. Noticed you/Annette pulled up some of the same details.

Lots of in-depth analysis going on here, but I think the concept is pretty straightforward, actually. A one-night stand is when you sleep with someone you didn't know before the sex and never see them again after the sex. If you knew them before or have further contact with them afterward, it's really not just one night, is it? ;-)

LAURYN: I mean, that's what I thought too.... but apparently, it is debatable.

You kids really need to catch up.

Try a MEANINGFUL ONS. Yes, one that includes knowing something, after coitus, about the other.
Failing that read the ultimate ONS by Erica Jong, in Fear of Flying. She did a wonderful job of describing the "zipless fuck."

If that fails you then just do it for The Greater Good.

LAURYN: I've actually read this book (which is still resting on my night stand.) Oddly, the responses from those 35+ mirror yours... hmm, another blog??

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