Love Languages
There are a few things I love, made sweeter when grouped together. For example, I love the beach, a really good pina colada, and good music. When all three elements are present at once, it’s pretty darn tough to top. Nothing, however, beats quality time. I’d rather shop for cleaning supplies at Wal-Mart with someone I love than be on a tropical island, fruity drink in hand, with someone I don’t particularly care for.
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote The Five Love Languages, a book which embarrassingly, I’ve not read, though the concept is seemingly simple. It defines how we express our love and how we prefer others to express their love towards us. The five variances include: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
Click on the following link which will redirect you to a short questionnaire, (if interested in your love language):
My Test Results:
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Percent
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Language
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Score
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Words of Affirmation
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7
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Quality Time
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12
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|
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Receiving Gifts
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3
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|
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Acts of Service
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4
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|
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Physical Touch
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4
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The only thing shocking about my results? I thought the two highest would be higher, while the three lowest would be lower. I am, without a doubt, appreciative of Quality Time. Perhaps this is due to the fact I have so very little of it, making the time more divine. I feel Words of Affirmation is a close second, intertwined with Quality Time. Conversation, no interesting and meaningful conversation, makes my heart skip a beat. Words exchanged on a road trip, hushed words shared just before falling asleep, quiet moments shared in a busy world are the umbrella in my pina colada.
It can be challenging loving someone who struggles with your love language, and especially trying when you struggle with theirs. The man I’ve shared my heart with definitely expresses his love with gifts. They’re nice, I’m not complaining, just different. Steven gives thoughtful, extravagant gifts too. Last spring, he gave me a vase (I collect colorful glass vases, most of which, my friend Kate has gifted to me) and said, “’Cause I know you like…like these…and collect ‘em or whatever.” The sentence, despite being awkward, was the gift. It proved he randomly thought of me and retained the knowledge of what I love, collect. On my birthday, Steven was late arriving to my gathering and early departing. I was left with a mixture of anger and hurt, while the hurt trumped my rage. I expressed (colorfully, with four letter words) this to him and said, “It’s my birthday, really? You’re late and leaving early… and it’s my birthday. Having you here is important to me.” His response? “It’s not always about you. We’ll spend tomorrow together, just us. Spend tonight with your family and friends. I have a really cool gift for you too, but it hasn’t delivered.” My response? “It IS about me today! I don’t want or need a gift, I want your time.” He responded with, “You’re gonna love it! It’s related to John Mayer.” My last response? “I don’t want John Mayer, I want Steven <insert his last name here.>” He left, I deflated.
The gift? This:
An autographed (authenticated) John Mayer guitar. No, really. I am serious.
I think he appreciates receiving gifts as well. They can be small, thoughtful and he is a happy camper. I once mentioned, “I've got something for you.” His voice brightened as he eagerly asked of what it was I had for him. I think back to our Florida trip and the multitude of gifts (and of the thought invested in the gifts) he purchased for friends and family, to include my roommates. He purchased very little for himself.
Can the different languages coincide? Communicate? I think so. Being aware of each others’ language(s) aids in providing the ability to understand how we love. This is valuable, not only with romantic relationships, but with relationships in general. My mother has always said, “love is a verb.” I’ve mentioned this in other blogs. I’ve said it a hundred thousand times. Love, in whatever form, is good stuff. I try not to dissect it too much, but rather enjoy its existence.
Comments
If you want, check out some of Gottman's work-his is the most researched, evidence-based knowledge out there about relationships, how they work, and how to improve them...his work is user-friendly and somehow intuitive. Highly recommended.
LAURYN: Done. As in...tomorrow done.
Posted by: katei![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.arktimes.com/blogs/misadventures/nav-commenters.gif)
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September 4, 2009 08:05 PM
oh, a quick PS:
it IS always about you on your birthday. its the ONE day a year its all about you. so there!
LAURYN: I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: katei![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.arktimes.com/blogs/misadventures/nav-commenters.gif)
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September 4, 2009 08:09 PM
It IS all about you on your birthday, unless of course, you're Herb. He shares his birthday with his son. Poor guy.
Very interesting post. Thought provoking. Love. it.
Posted by: Shay | September 18, 2009 08:32 PM
I was recently dumped myself after a 4+/year relationship. The worst part is that he forgot to tell me.
anyway a couple of weeks ago I was going thru the bookshelves and found that crap The 5 languages of love and I ripped that book to SHREDS. It was highly enjoyable AND i left it in the floor for a loooong time (ok, in the junk room, but still). take that, idiot fool that I used to be, and never, ever trust again.
I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by: tina![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.arktimes.com/blogs/misadventures/nav-commenters.gif)
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September 19, 2009 03:52 PM
Like I said in my comment in your next post....Presence (not presents)....that means being available on special days, special occassions, on bad days, good days....regular days...Present, means...at the scene...bakcing you up and being a part of the day...Period. Dump Mr. No Show...he needs to go back to Mommy's house and watch tv
Posted by: Dr. Loveology | September 20, 2009 02:25 PM