Trick or Tramp
All of my friends dress like hookers and chances are, yours do too. Halloween. It is the one day, .27% of the year (thanks to Michael R. for correcting my mathmatical blunder,) where it is acceptable to dress inappropriately and without apology. Exploitation is encouraged. Fishnet pantyhose adorn the legs of most females. Too much makeup is always juuuust right, while less (if you know what I mean,) is most definitely more. Conservative is redefined with candy-apple red lip stick, low cut corsets, plaid miniskirts, and the courage of a cougar. Yes friends, October 31st is the one night we're allowed to pin a tail on the back of our black lingerie while telling everyone, “I’m a cat. Me-ow.”
My best friend Wes recently asked me, “When do I have to worry about my daughter wanting to dress like a prostitute? Is there an age range?” Allowing no time for thought I offer, “12 to 60. It’s innate. Women like to be somebody else just for one night. It starts early. It lasts a while.” Wes shakes his head and says, “NO! I’ll give you 16 to 39. Then your whoring days are done.” Of course, for some women, there is an assortment of roadblocks to include weight and age. As women, we are our own worst critic. Wes said, “I seriously wish some women would ask men for assistance before buying a costume. No sweetheart, at your age/weight/etc., you do not need to expose this/that/the other.” Gee, I wonder why we’re insecure!? I've been nearly every size on a ruler. There is insecurity on both sides. His next comment, “There are some costumes you wear while knowing your intent. In ‘regular clothes,’ you’re a five. When you’re wearing your school girl costume? You’re a five men want to <have sexual relations with.>” I cleaned up Wes’ vulgarity. I’ll agree, we invite some it, but if we’re comfortable (whatever age, weight, etc.) we certainly shouldn’t have to ask a man’s permission. If I’m a size four at 41 (or 51 or 61,) and I feel okay, that’ll be all the permission I require.
With Jonivan, my pre-Halloween date. 10/30
One evening as I was getting ready to go out to dinner, I stepped out wearing a short black dress with a sweater covering my bare shoulders. I had been in the sun all day, let my hair air dry, leaving it curly, while wearing little makeup and flip flops. I felt pretty. As a female, we appreciate these moments. My date said, “Are you gonna wear that out? Don’t you think it’s a little short? I mean, it’s kinda slutty.” Deflation o’ confidence. I changed into jeans. He talked me into putting the dress back on. He stole my pretty moment.
Do we dress provocatively because we lack creativity? Maybe, but again, I think 10/31 is the one day we step outside of our box, no strings attached. Have you seen the movie Mean Girls? Lindsay Lohan’s character attends a Halloween party where she finds she is the only girl dressed in a spooky getup. She is the conservative outcast in a crowded room of Playboy bunnies. Still, Wes believes this is the better option. “I mean, think about it. Cats are covered, I mean fully covered, in fur. Go ahead, pin the tail on and call yourself a cat. Wear a red corset, put on a horn headband and call yourself a devil. That’s fine. I’m a man. I’m gonna look. I’m gonna check you out. I’m just saying, if you’re not sure whether you should wear the furry cat costume or the skimpy cat costume, ask me and I’ll shoot you straight. I will, and it will save us all a lot of awkwardness.” God bless Wes’ wife.
Audrey, my "Hamburglar" sister. Halloween '09.
My Aunt Angela was "Breakfast at Tiffany's." Halloween '09.
Amber and Angela (they're sisters.) Pre-Halloween, 10/30.
Kate, Amanda, Angela and me. Pre-Halloween. "Dirty Thirty, Pimp and Ho" Party.
Allison, Me, Amanda, January, Kate. Halloween '08.
January (SEC Ref) and Scott (Hog Fan.) Halloween '09.
With Jonivan. 10/30
John (Rocky) and Melissa (Angel.) 10/30
Halloween has always been a special holiday to me. As a child I was a witch nearly every year. It was fun to dress in a spooky costume. As an adult, the "Wonder Woman (thanks Allison)" costume felt like a princess costume. I suppose I could've asked my date if he was uncomfortable sitting beside me while I wore a third of the clothes I'd wear on a typical Friday, but the truth is, I knew the bar crowd would more closely resemble a brothel. And what the heck, my friends are gorgeous (inside and out,) so if they want to pin a tail to their rear ends, pass 'em a pin!!
Comments
Nothing original to say. I agree with you though--you see women that 364 days of the year are self-conscious suddenly let go. And men.
You want some entertaining costumes? Check out Bourbon St. near Oz. Now--there are just no words for that...except it's FANTASTIC.
LAURYN: Betting it's quite hard to top Halloween in New Orleans!!! Your pictures were great!!
Posted by: Shay | November 4, 2009 12:39 PM
Amen, sista! Preach on!
LAURYN: Was I too preachy? I agreed with Wes while talking with him (he has a way,) but as I sat down to write this I realized, wait...
Posted by: Rach | November 4, 2009 12:40 PM
HA! I dressed as all three...the slutty bunny, cat and devil! That's funny! It really is the one time of year us girls can dress that way and not care! I love it! Definitely my favorite holiday!
LAURYN: HA! But you have the build and confidence to do it!!!! Own it, work it...
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November 4, 2009 12:40 PM
Sadly- the "biker chic" is as slutty as I got this year. Somehow the flourescent green fishnet stockings on the lime costume don't count. Also, sadly, I just didn't feel "pretty" this year and feel a bit like I missed out not taking the one chance to be a bit on the wild side for a day. Limes just aren't sexy- even we if are fun! And as Wes gets older his appreciation of women will change as well. What (and who) he thinks is sexy in even just 10 years might surprise him. I say- "You go girl"! If you feel pretty- go for it! I'm already looking forward to Halloween next year!
LAURYN: The lime was funny and charming, which to me IS sexy!!!
Posted by: Kate | November 4, 2009 08:39 PM
I wear the school girl outfit more than once a year ;). Some guys like to see that side of you more than one time. Lol
LAURYN: HAHA!!!! Note to self.
Posted by: Sneaker Geek | November 5, 2009 07:31 AM
As Kate gets older and gets to know boys better, she might be surprised to find that boys start wanting to see naked girls at age 5 and never mature past that point , ever. We want the same thing now as we did then. The difference however, is how much is crammed into the same size school outfit we're looking at now.
I don't care what you ladies wear on Halloween, it just strikes me as odd that everyone's first concern is how much boobie is floppin out of a latex tube top.... Just sayin...
LAURYN: Latex tube top, haha! Where can I find one...??
Posted by: Wes | November 7, 2009 11:10 PM