A Damsel in Distress: October 2009 Archives

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Friday, October 30, 2009 - 14:33:07

TAKE TWO ASPIRIN, ROBOCALL ME IN THE MORNING . . .

Arkansas Sen. Blanche Lincoln contemplates bleak future, hard choices, in face of re-election campaign diagnosis.

LINCOLN JOB PERFORMANCE PCCC POLL: Sen. Lincoln has 41% favorable, 49% unfavorable rating. (Independents: 38% favorable, 52% unfavorable.) 38% think Lincoln is in-touch, 47% out-of-touch (Independents: 39% in, 47% out). 35% say Lincoln is effective, 51% ineffective. (Independents: 35% ineffective, 50% ineffective.)

Posted by Norma Bates at 02:33 PM | Permalink | Comments [0]

Thursday, October 22, 2009 - 05:07:57

TO YOUR HEALTH! . . .

Oh say can you see . . . ?

Posted by Norma Bates at 05:07 AM | Permalink | Comments [1]

Saturday, October 17, 2009 - 04:22:40

FEEL THE LOVE . . .

I not only can’t stop the music, I can’t swallow this homoerotic Republican two-step.

“Blanching With the Stars” is bad enough, but wrapping my mind around the “ageless” butchness that is Mike Huckabee’s campaign-trail buttboy – Chuck Norris – well, I had to call MEMS and check into Bridgeway. Because . . .

Wasn’t this supposed to be “butch” in the 70s? The faded denim? The stare? The unbuttoned shirt? The cap pistols? The basket? (No straight woman would've fallen for this look for five seconds, it's so insecure.)

Just asking, ‘cause I came along a little later – when “YMCA” was just an innocent disco hit and not code for a gay orgy of horny young Christian men got up in cowboys-and-indians drag hooking up in cheap hostels around the country.

Conflating Village People masculine iconography with Presidential elections rubs me the wrong way, so to speak.

Yet, there’s THIS.

A failed southern Baptist minister / governor presidential candidate making goo-goo eyes with a forgotten former B-movie action “star” duoing “Love Me Tender?”

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Razorbabies.

Janet? You and the kids up for an ex-gay intervention?

Posted by Norma Bates at 04:22 AM | Permalink | Comments [3]

Monday, October 12, 2009 - 20:07:23

BLANCHING WITH THE STARS? . . .

We get it, Blinc, my darling. And no doubt Doctor (Dinc, to intimates on the circuit) loves the new you.

But too much has been leaked too fast after too long, about you, and this reads too little, too late, too de$perate. (We know your coffers are bulging but we didn't envision this.)

It works, in a sort of Bob-Mackie-meets-Julie-Andrews-in-a-Galaxy-Far-Far-Away way. Especially the stage makeup and lightened do.

Still, Blinc, I would personally sue my political consulting team for refunds of taxpayer monies on this ill-advised ploy. It ranks up there with Sarah Palin naming all her men after Tonka Toys.

Yet there IS one way out and you can thank ME for it.

Claim you’re dyslexic and thought Halloween fell on October 13^th.

Posted by Norma Bates at 08:07 PM | Permalink | Comments [0]

Sunday, October 11, 2009 - 08:12:39

ALL ALONE? . . .

Here’s Nobel Prize Winning President Barack Obama (offspring of an interracial marriage that was illegal, for “traditional” “religious” bigotry, in mostly southern states when he was born), addressing the Human Rights Campaign yesterday in 2009, on minority (LGBT) equality in America.

Yep. He’s alone up there. DOMA, DADT? Be patient, Razorgaybies. You, your families, your friends, your mates, shall overcome . . . "some"-fucking-day.

The Nobel Prize Winning President’s “reason” for not lifting a finger on his hollow campaign promises to LGBT Americans? More of this:

WHY (it turns out after his election) does Obama NOT support gay equality? “As a matter of Christian principle, he has said,” quoth the NYT.

_________

“Welcome to Wal-Mart. Burquas? Aisle 4, honey.”

_________

Look. I’m glad it’s Obama instead of Bush / Cheney redux too.

Maybe Obama’s got a secret plot to let Republicans hang themselves as the Obstructionist Party and the Party of No during the first half of Obama’s administration. Let them show their cards by offering NO solutions on every issue: just bratty (dangerously well-armed and Godly-motivated, but still bratty) nihilism.

Maybe that’s Obama’s subtle, sober, plan all along. Once the Republican Party bottoms-out and the loving American Family intervenes to enroll them in a long-term 12-Step lockdown at Betty Ford, Democrats will demonstrate actual leadership and DO something. ACHIEVE something. Like Social Security and Medicare and the Civil Rights Act in days of yore.

Until that day when Obama’s and the Democrats’ brilliant secret scheme is finally unleashed, thereby regaining America’s crowned position as Leader of the (Truly) Free World, there’s always this:

Call it woman’s intuition, but I’m all hinky about Obama and the Democrats. There’s a bad joke in here somewhere involving hot-air, balloons, pilots and “Blow Me,” but I’m not going there.

Because equality for all adult Americans, free from state-sponsored religious bigotry, regardless of which party’s administration is in charge, is no joke.

Posted by Norma Bates at 08:12 AM | Permalink | Comments [1]

Friday, October 09, 2009 - 17:38:32

BLANCHE, MARK, VIC, MIKE . . . ?

Maybe I was going too fast at night, or all deers look alike.

Wait a minute. I'm flashing back to "Bambi." Mommy deers don't have antlers, right? (I'm a city girl. Don't know from antlers.) So this CAN'T be Blanche, right?

Anyhoo, as both driver and voter, I swerved at the last minute from whichever look-alike deer it was and only ran over a blue dog that suddenly leaped into the otherwise empty oncoming lane.

I stopped to see if I could save it, but it turned out to be a metaphor for rabid reality.

Posted by Norma Bates at 05:38 PM | Permalink | Comments [1]

Sunday, October 04, 2009 - 15:47:26

WHAT'S THE POINT? . . .

A bizzy buzzy whiplash whirlwind week in The Rock, Razorbabies!

Parties, clubbing, live music, Sticky’s, Whitewater, weddings and receptions at Next Level, Jam Night and Ramona at the Afterthought, In Demand at Jazzy’s, fall frocks UPSing to Chenal from my recent Manhattan shopping jaunt . . . a shame the LGBTs have ruined Sunday with their inclement immoral gay weather (thanks for the heavenly tip, Rev. Falwell) but at least it’s not a gay hurricane or tornado or earthquake this time.

So I’m confined to my library where I’ve started Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein” on Stanza on my iPhone, growing more philosophical and melancholy with each chapter, till finally, logically, I come to ponder our politicians and representatives.

Is THAT a segué for your ass, Razorbabies? Frankenstein to Functionaries?

What is the POINT of elected Razorbaby Representatives in The Rock or DC?

To LEAD Arkansas – by their intelligence, education, commitment, investment and compassion – OUT of Last Place in Nearly Everything except obesity, divorce, education, health, bigotry, good-ol’-boy corruption and tacky fashion and grooming decisions?

(I, as one woman, albeit multi-lingual, educated stateside and abroad, globally-trotted and inherently fabulous, can only do so much.)

Or are our Razorbaby Representatives elected to suck and sock away as much as they can, as long as they can, from special interest lobbyists to preserve Arkansas’ bottom-of-the-barrel do-nothing form-another-study-committee comfort zone by pandering to, uh . . . obesity, divorce, education, health, bigotry, good-ol’-boy corruption, tawdry fashion / grooming decisions and our perennial image as “Red Carpet” Rubes no matter the occasion?

Re-election (preserving the status quo), instead of Leadership (improving the status quo), seems today’s targeted political skillset.

They’re all nice people, our Representatives. I’m all country-club-cocktail-clinky with them. Some more clinky than others.

But name ‘em. Name the biggies. First names that come to mind.

ANY of ‘em Leaders? Appealing to our better standards? Lifting Arkansas out of its historic rank? ANY of ‘em showing us the way – as opposed to polls and lobbyists showing THEM the way?

Uh . . . uh-uh.

Really, what’s the point?

When even our elected “leaders” (in Arkansas and around the country) are owned by corporate conglomerate lobbyists? America’s political and international climate looks bleak.

“We ALL niggaz NOW!” as a dear black girlfriend once blurted out on line in front of 50 sullenly waiting customers at the Sunset and Vine B of A, god love her.

That's the point.

EVERYBODY's owned now.

Or maybe it’s just temporary. Today’s bitchy uppity inclement LGBT weather.

Maybe tomorrow it'll be sunny again. America will rise from 37^th in global health care (with universal insurance, equal civil rights for ALL Americans) and President Obama will help restore the United States' position as Leader of the Free World.

Maybe.

But I’ve gotta tell you: you learn in Psych 101 that when words don’t match actions you’re dealing with a liar. Actions do indeed speak louder than words.

Gets harder, every fund-raiser, to clink cocktails and look our Razorbaby Reps in the eye with my hopefully disguised excruciatingly charismatic contempt.

Posted by Norma Bates at 03:47 PM | Permalink | Comments [0]