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« August 2008 | Main | October 2008 »
Tuesday, September 30, 2008 - 10:27:24
Incinerator - The Motion Picture
Believe it or not, in the early 1990s some in Fayetteville really thought that our on-going battle with a proposed incinerator, and then the seemingly endless battle to get out from under the weight of the financial obligations of an incinerator that was never actually built would be just the thing Hollywood would be interested in.
Then again, when Fayetteville Open Channel was being shut down, some board members were frantically trying to call CNN. Sometimes we are a Silly People.
Anyway, this was my answer to what I thought of as lunacy - the idea that film makers might descend upon us and tell our story to the world. My favorite part of the whole piece, upon rereading it, is the idea of Sigourney Weaver going off to do Gorilla’s in the Mist II: The Haunting.
This is another excerpt from my book, “Ozark Mosaic.”
Incinerator - The Motion Picture
The 1992 recession, which had hit the rest of the country like a cyclone, was felt even in the Ozarks, which previously had considered itself impervious to a shattered economy. The much vaunted "New World Order" was bankrupt, and the former allies were engaged in brutal trade warfare. In a misguided attempt to help American business, President Bush signed legislation making it easier for American factories to be located anywhere in the world where the workers could be paid one dollar, or less, per hour. The growing army of the newly unemployed failed to appreciate the gesture.
In July, announcing an early candidacy for Fayetteville City Board of Directors, "Buffy" Funicello suggested turning one of the abandoned industrial parks into a Poultry Theme Park, extolling the virtues of the chicken, and what it has done for our local economy.
Tour guides would be dressed as drumsticks, she suggested, displaying some outfits of her own design. As an indication of just how perilous times were, the Chamber of Commerce enthusiastically endorsed her proposal.
The City Board grew worried. Surely there had to be some way of boosting the local economy, short of criminal activity or losing what was left of our dignity A high-priced consultant in New York City was hired by the city to come up with ideas. Within a few weeks, after reviewing some of Fayetteville's recent past, he called and said, "Why not build a movie studio? It seems you have a wealth of material in your own files."
Though meant facetiously, his suggestion caught the public's imagination.
Imagine, the newspapers enthused, a publicly run movie studio! Everybody knew that movies made money hand over fist. The City Board (though understandably reluctant to have city secrets revealed on the silver screen) agreed that it was indeed a feasible idea, and the call went out to production companies to run the studio, for a share of the profits.
Immediately, the public sought to influence what sort of films would be produced with public funds. A lawsuit was threatened, should sales tax money be used for any part of it. The citizens group COWW (Citizens Opposed to Whitewashed Westerns) wanted assurances that only "Politically Correct" movies would be made, especially if dealing with the early days of the area. BURP (Baptists Urging Responsible Productions) wanted to review the scripts before any public money was spent on "liberal propaganda." The unemployed just wanted jobs, and hoped the public posturing would end before unemployment benefits ran out.
Finally, the selection process was complete, and Mass Burn Productions (a small company known mostly for cheap science fiction and "art" films) was chosen to run the twin studios, converted from abandoned factories.
A local JP wondered publicly whether perhaps they might consider changing their name, just for the sake of appearances.
Within days, it was announced that Mass Burn would present the tale of Fayetteville's infamous incinerator fiasco. It was said that Dustin Hoffman was interested in playing the lone Fayetteville resident who had inspired city-wide revolt against the metal monster, with Sigourney Weaver playing his chief opponent, the mayor. Stanley Kubrick had agreed to leave Europe for the first time in 25 years and direct from a script by Gore Vidal. The working title was Earth Song.
The proposal was met with great public approval; each side in the still ongoing controversy was convinced that its stand would be vindicated.
This was partly due to skillful persuasion on the part of the film company, which held a series of meetings (public and private) with those concerned in the imbroglio. Of course, everyone understood that, for various legal reasons, real names couldn't be used. It was the story that counted, after all. The message was all.
So nobody was too terribly upset when the title was suddenly changed to Night of the Recyclers. Producer Sy "Slash that Budget" Merkel explained, “Got to have a catchy title to attract the kids, baby. Once they're inside that theater, they're ours. Then we can educate ‘em.”
Many local residents were given small speaking parts in the production, and local businesses were featured in some scenes.
Even so, it was mildly disconcerting when a new scene was added to the script, featuring a Ninja-led assault on the Northwest Arkansas Mall.
Sy Merkel responded to the resulting criticism, in a fog of cigar smoke, "Symbolism, sweetheart. I've seen the incinerator bonds myself. Bank of Tokyo, right there on the bottom, in small letters. We're talking Fellini here." When Gore Vidal (bored with what passed for Fayetteville's night life) departed, he was replaced with a young writer who had done promising work on Miami Vice.
The title was changed again to Incinerator of Doom, Dustin Hoffman discovered his schedule would not permit him to film the motion picture, and he departed. Bruce Willis expressed interest, but with an eye to certain character changes.
By now, the elections were upon Fayetteville, and City Board candidates based their platforms on how they stood on the film.
Sy Merkel gave each one a speaking part, even if only as a cop or short order cook. Stanley Kubrick, who departed for Europe after creative differences with Sigourney Weaver, was replaced by a young man who had done outstanding work in the Mexican film industry. That he didn't speak a word of English would put the confusing issues in their proper context, Merkel explained.
Symbolism, can you dig it?
By January, 1993, the new City Board was sworn in, and vowed to help the production in any way possible. After all, hadn't Sy Merkel himself come to them and explained about foreign film rights, video rentals, and residuals? Not to mention the inevitable line of toys? In all the public debate over what to call the board game, hardly anybody noticed that Sigourney Weaver had left to do Gorillas in the Mist II: The Haunting, and Joan Collins had slipped in.
By now, almost everyone in Fayetteville had appeared in the film.
People were convinced that, when eventually released, it was bound to be a blockbuster. Sy promised it would be compared to All the President's Men. Of course, by now the title had been changed to Landfill Massacre.
In March, Sy came to the board with what he described as "just a small problem." Bruce couldn't do the flick, but Charles Bronson ("And he was our number one choice anyway. We just thought we couldn't get him.") had agreed to step in. But he insisted on getting paid up front, and the present budget couldn't swing it. Could the city consider helping out? Maybe they could issue a bond or two? Why sure, the star struck Board said, no problem. Glad to help out. We'll just declare an "emergency" and suspend all the usual rules.
And then it began all over again.
Grapevine, November 1, 1991
Sunday, September 28, 2008 - 10:02:41
NWA Times attempts satire: somewhere in Hell, Ayn Rand is smiling
Though there may be wailing and gnashing of teeth regarding the editorial in today’s issue of the Northwest Arkansas Times, I think they are to be commended for attempting outight humor on the editorial page.
From the provocative tone set by the bold statement that “Property owners, not the masses, have the final say in America,” to the line about how “ . . . architects have the freedom to dream about and design skyscrapers,” the Times has dared to boldly go where few editorial writers have gone before.
They have taken the one-dimensional arguments proposed by so many of the lemmings in the property rights movement (seen so often at Washington County Quorum Court meetings) and turned them on their head.
Bravo!
From the insistence that the parking lot on the site of the old Mountain Inn site is “temporary,” to the the (on the surface) blind acceptance of the claims of the “developers” that they still intend to build the mythical Renaissance Towers.
In between, though, we get conformation about the nasty great hole in the ground, and the exposed backs of buildings.
Then we veer into the area of “free parking,” which the Times seems to sneer at - though hasn’t the Times itself written about parking issue downtown? And the whole subject of parking meters around the heart of Fayetteville has been a hotly contested issue, and today the satirist at the Times seems to throw support wholeheartedly behind it.
The best part is probably where they write about where the public (through the city) agreed to rip down a Fayetteville landmark Which many still feel could have been rebuilt) if the “developers” would build a “ . . . gorgeous structure that would pump all sorts of new revenues into the city’s downtown for years to come.”
They acknowledge that the “gorgeous structure” has yet to arrive, and address the malcontents who would wish to see some free parking spaces in the [proposed “temporary” parking lot.
Hogwash, the Times cries!
Cuz, like, you, it belongs to the developers, and like, dude, maybe we’re we’re just a nation of whiners - (not really said, but implied, perhaps?
But the line about “ . . . architects have the freedom to dream about and design skyscrapers” is my favorite.
Holy Fountainhead, Batman!
Somewhere in Hell, Ayn Rand is smiling.
Is that old British satire magazine Punch still publishing? Because whoever wrote this piece has a bright future, once they leave the newspaper game.
******
Quote of the Day
Whoever wants to reach a distant goal must take many small steps. - Helmut Schmidt
*****
On the Air with Abel Tomlinson
Re-running an interview with Green Party candidate Abel Tomlinson this week, who is boldly going where Democrats seem to fear to tread - a head-to-head match against John Boozman.
Days and times:
Monday - 7pm
Tuesday - noon
Saturday - 6pm
As always, C.A.T. is on Channel 18 of the Cox channel line-up in Fayetteville. Those desiring a copy of the show can contact the station at 444-3433.
Friday, September 26, 2008 - 13:35:11
Local TV News: The Lady or the Tiger
Well, the local television news stations should love the past week. Between national news feeds about the economy and Fayeteville’s Bikes, Blues and BBQ, they pretty much don’t have much to do on the local news.
God knows what terrible gnashing of teeth there might be if two major stories came in - for example, a disaster on the Fayetteville square, and yet another Duggarite entering the world.
Sort of brings up that old dilemma found in the classic story they had us read in high school, “The Lady and the Tiger.” Which door to choose?
Disaster on the Square?
The newest Duggar?
Decisions! Decisions!
Let’s hope we never have to see just what the choice would be . . .
******
Sarah Palin: Well, maybe she was speaking in tongues . . .
Watching Sarah Palin in the Katie Couric interview, the thought occurred to me that just perhaps we are treating her just a bit unfairly. Maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t really speaking English at all, but was speaking in tongues. It is the only kind way to explain this exchange, after all.
Incidentally, the Internet is full of folks today who are defending Palin, throwing the word “elitist” around a lot. You know, as in knowing how to construct a coherent sentence is actually elitist, and is frowned upon by real Americans.
We’ll pick up at the part where Couric asks why why Palin's Alaska experience “enhances your foreign policy credentials”:
Well, it certainly does because our next-door neighbors are foreign countries, there in the state that I am the executive of. And there in Russia –
Couric: Have you ever been involved with any negotiations for example, with the Russians?
Palin: We have trade missions back and forth. We do -- it's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia -- as Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America, where do they go? It's Alaska. It's right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there, they are right next to our state.
Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America????
*****
Quote of the Day
All the works of man have their origin in creative fantasy. What right have we then to depreciate imagination? - C.J. Jung, "Modern Man in Search of a Soul"
Thursday, September 25, 2008 - 15:55:03
Can John McCain walk and chew gum at the same time?
As I have watched the political drama of the past week play out, punctuated by the unwillingness of John McCain to debate Barack Obama Friday night, I can’t help but ponder the meaning of the possible presidency of a man who seems paralyzed when more than one crisis occurs.
Forget for the moment my belief that the entire situation was seized upon by McCain as an excuse not to engage in a debate that he was far from ready for, or Obama’s compelling argument that this is exactly the moment that the American people deserve to hear from those who would wish to lead them.
But what I saw this week - and especially today - was the image of John McCain mugging for the cameras, grinning like a man who feels that he can now con unsuspecting voters into believing that he is a “statesman,” and not someone who ran for cover at the first opportunity.
I’ll bet his TV ads are already in the can, ready to go.
******
Quote of the Day
It usually takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 - 10:44:52
Bring on the poets! Forget the party hacks!
Watching a cable "news" the other night, a deadly serious anchor asked a representative from the McCain/Palin campaign," Is Sarah Palin ready to lead?"
I sighed at the ten thousandth affirmation from the campaign that she was, indeed, ready to lead our nation should we be under assault from Russians, Islamic terrorism, Polar Bears and Martians. Then again, this guy was from the McCain/Palin campaign - he said what he was supposed to say.
But hey, folks from the Obama campaign say pretty much the same thing (except for the Polar Bears) - Obama is ready to lead.
And, of course, the other guys ain't. To echo a certain charismatic candidate - enough!
I'm tired of hearing the same cookie-cutter responses from the same group of people. Let's hear from people not connected with the campaigns. Let's hear from writers, and activists and religious leaders.
Let's hear from some poets, for crying out loud.
No more party hacks! Let's hear from people who are giving their own opinions, rather than from the folks who sign their paychecks.
******
Quote of the Day
Dreams and dedication are a powerful combination. - William Longwood, "Voices from the Earth"
*****
Crisis on Infinite Earths
As the back of the book says, "Worlds lived. Worlds died. And the DC Universe was never the same." Ah, yes, after decades of offering multiple universes, and parallel Earths, in 1985 DC comics decided on a grand experiment to tie hundreds of loose ends together, and streamline their mythos once and for all.
The result was Marv Wolfman's "Crisis on Infinite Earths," collected in a 364 page collection. And along with the worlds that die, so do some treasured friends from the DC universe. Way too much fun not to read, especially for those of us who love alternative earth stories.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008 - 10:25:35
Titanic vanishes beneath the waves: Once it's a parking lot, that's pretty much it, folks
Does anybody really think that once Fayetteville’s Big Dig is filled in and a parking lot is put in its place, that it will all be dug up yet again, and a hotel be put on the spot?
This is it, folks. The Titanic has vanished under the waves. The Renaissance Towers will now and forever be just a punch line to after dinner jokes.
******
Yeah, we really fixed Iraq, didn’t we?
And this is a surprise to . . .?
War-hit nations head corrupt list
Iraq has been ranked by Transparency International(TI) as one of the world's most corrupt countries, just above Somalia as the "least clean" state.
The index is based on perceptions of public sector corruption in 180 countries and territories.
The high levels of corruption amount to a humanitarian disaster said Huguette Labelle, chair of the watchdog.
At the bottom of the transparency table, along with Somalia and Iraq, are Burma, Haiti, Afghanistan and Sudan.
While Iraq remains in the same bottom-three position in the table as last year, the level of perceived corruption in the country collated by the Berlin-based organization has increased.
To read more:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7631013.stm
*****
What if they gave an awards show and nobody watched?
When we were stationed in Germany in the early 1970s, we used to watch the Emmy Awards (cuz we only had one channel - AFN), even if we were unfamiliar with many of the shows that were getting awards.
Haven’t watched it for years,. From the looks of the most recent ratings, I’m not the only one.
****
Quote of the Day
The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never scoring. - Bill Copeland
Sunday, September 21, 2008 - 10:53:14
Is Mike Masterson getting all his news from Free Republic?
Reading Mike Masterson’s fawning column about Sarah Palin this weekend, the thought struck me that Mike more and more comes across like one of those souls who sits in the darkness, getting most of their news from short-wave radio and the cretins at Free Republic.
You haven’t discovered the troglodytes at Free Republic for yourself yet? Check out their ugly site at:
http://www.freerepublic.com/tag/*/index
It gets mentioned (in way too respectful a manner) way too many times by conservative columnists.
In the past I have referred to Bill O’Reilly as “the Bully in the bar.” Well, Free Republic is the place where the bullies - unchecked by the shackles of rationality - meet and post their “thoughts” on the subjects of the day, punctuated every so often by a snarled “Semper Fi!”
In a real bar, this would be just before the guy’s head collapses back onto the bar, eyes rolling into the back of his skull.
Check it out, just for fun. But be prepared to take a long shower afterwards.
******
Quote of the Day
If you can play golf and bridge as though they were games, you're just about as well adjusted as you are ever going to be. - Manitoba Co-Operator
*****
On the Air with Walt Eilers
Monday, September 22, Fayetteville mayoral hopeful Walt Eilers will be a guest on my show. Like the other candidates, Eilers is unhappy about the path that our mayor has been taking us over the past several years.
Among the issues we will be discussing are dog parks (my dogs give two paws up on this issue), attracting better industry to Fayetteville, public transportation and other issues. He also brings up the lack of adequate lighting on some of our trails, as well as the lack of upkeep.
Where is Code Compliance when you need them?
Oh, yeah - making sure campaign signs aren’t too close to the street.
Days and times:
Monday, Sept. 22 - 7pm
Tuesday - Sept. 23 - noon
Saturday - Sept. 27 - 6pm
These one-on-ones give candidates the time that the forums and debates don’t offer - a chance give more detail on their plans. In addition to my show, C.A.T. has several other hosts interviewing candidates this election season.
Those who don’t have cable can obtain copies of the shows by calling C.A.T. at 444-3433.
Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again . . .
Adam Fire Cat and Sami Sutton: Sideshow, freak show - nothing to pay attention to, folks.
Southpass: If you build it . . . they still might not come
WRMC - here is one picket line I would have gladly joined
In Sarah Palin's world, "getting stoned" may not be as much fun as it used to be . . .
Oh, my God - she's Margaret Thatcher!
Democrat with a capital "D"
Diversity at the GOP National Convention
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