BEWILDERED BELTWAY . . . | A Damsel in Distress

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

BEWILDERED BELTWAY . . .

Posted By on Tue, Jun 30, 2009 at 8:38 AM

I promised fashion tips when I birthed this blog. Reluctantly, that time's arrived.

 

It WOULD involve my very very dear, very very old friend, First Lady Mickie (Michelle Obama to you).

 

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Where to begin. You can’t just cinch a $1,200 Givenchy silver belt over your Tae-Kwando workout sweats and expect to be taken seriously at some random press conference.

 

Next, locate your waist. Hire a dowser if you have to. But belt THERE instead of directly under your mammaries, Mickie.

 

Beautiful as you are, you look like a gravid strip-mall martial-arts instructor who’ll break water with her next snap-kick demo.

 

Which we know you’re not so this insincere retro-rehash reads “Flashdance” meets Planned Parenthood at Gold’s Gym (a deservedly-shunned look over two decades ago when it first came out, Mickie, and was instantly proclaimed, “Unawesome.”)

 

Do yourself and America a favor.

 

Go home to the White House . . . change . . . and limo back.

 

We’re prepared to forgive and forget.

 

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