BEWILDERED BELTWAY . . . | A Damsel in Distress

Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Posted By on Tue, Jun 30, 2009 at 8:38 AM

I promised fashion tips when I birthed this blog. Reluctantly, that time's arrived.


It WOULD involve my very very dear, very very old friend, First Lady Mickie (Michelle Obama to you).




Where to begin. You can’t just cinch a $1,200 Givenchy silver belt over your Tae-Kwando workout sweats and expect to be taken seriously at some random press conference.


Next, locate your waist. Hire a dowser if you have to. But belt THERE instead of directly under your mammaries, Mickie.


Beautiful as you are, you look like a gravid strip-mall martial-arts instructor who’ll break water with her next snap-kick demo.


Which we know you’re not so this insincere retro-rehash reads “Flashdance” meets Planned Parenthood at Gold’s Gym (a deservedly-shunned look over two decades ago when it first came out, Mickie, and was instantly proclaimed, “Unawesome.”)


Do yourself and America a favor.


Go home to the White House . . . change . . . and limo back.


We’re prepared to forgive and forget.






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