OUT OF THE WOODWORK . . . | A Damsel in Distress

Sunday, September 20, 2009


Posted By on Sun, Sep 20, 2009 at 4:31 AM


My god! WEEKS ago, when I first began sharing this drivel here for my dedicated Razorbabies, I thought, "This damsel’s diatribes of distress will be infrequent." But no, dammit.


Every week, every day, every time you turn around it seems: nasty right-wing “values” politicians crawl out of the woodwork for 15 minutes of fame.


It’s like watching “District 9” every day all day, only you’re not sure whether Americans identify with the humans or the aliens anymore!


The Republican Party has become unrecognizable. And it’s a shame, really, if you saw Sam Tanenhaus speak on his book, “The Death of Conservatism” (2009) and take questions, at the Clinton Center’s Sturgis Hall last Thursday over lunch (but you didn’t so I did FOR you. Just the way I am. A vintage Pucci print, Manahlo Blahnik pumps and a six-inch Subway tuna combo. Thank you for asking.)




Sam reminded us what Conservatism USED to mean in America. And how it’s been seized by the religious right (whose perspective Sam ALSO understands and respects, which pissed me off because he made me think) and what that portends. But Sam’s Jewish and editor of the New York Times Review of Books and a Yankee, so, you know: see ya, Sam. Hope you enjoyed the River Market.


But Sam was SO right!


It’s All Values (code for fundamentalist Christian), All Anti-Women, All Anti-Same-Sex-Equality, All Racist, All Theocracy, Razorbabies, All The Time!


Like Islam and the Middle East! Land of Milk and Honey and Islamic Suicide Bombers. Coming soon to your Multiplex!


Just in the last few days we’ve had the spokesman for the Family Policy Center in Iowa (video below) declare that only fertile heterosexual couples should consider marriage (elderly, gay, infertile – why would you even BOTHER getting married?); Carrie Prejean, failed beauty bimbo pimping her Miss-USA-pageant-sponsored $10K tit-implants for Christ and speaking for God (who TOLD her she was chosen to stand up for her right to deny other people their rights); and ever-plumper Mike Huckabee who, though clearly losing his Battle of the Bulge, won a straw poll at the Family Research Council’s “Values Voter Summit.”


All Values (fundamentalist Christian), All Anti-Women, All Anti-Same-Sex-Equality, All Racist, All Talking, All Singing, All Dancing, All Scamming, All Theocracy, Razorbabies! Like Islam and the Middle East! All The Time!


All anti-health-insurance reform. All, “I want my country back!”


All That!


Let's see. Fat, ill-educated, isolationist, ignorant, misogynist, homophobic, racist, anti-science, war-mongering, ARMED, religious fundamentalist theocrats.


THAT'S conservatives and today's Republican Party? Exploiting the WORST elements in America's peoples? Yep.

I swear, Razorbabies, it’s enough to make one want to seek natural herbs for relief from Life’s sometimes o’erwhelming existential stress.


So I bonged a banana and here’s IFPC spokesman John Stewart slipping it in there about why would you want to get married if you can’t make babies for “the cause” (namely Christian Soldiers onward Goose-Stepping through Gethsemane)?



White babies. Fundamentalist Christian babies. The only REAL Americans.











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