GROOMING IS NEXT TO GODLINESS | A Damsel in Distress

Friday, September 25, 2009

GROOMING IS NEXT TO GODLINESS

Posted By on Fri, Sep 25, 2009 at 1:26 PM

Durango, Durango. Yours is not the first request I’ve received, as an internationally renowned stylist, to suggest makeover tips for Senator Blanche Lincoln.

 

(I’ve been contacted officially AND privately by staff – Elizabeth, Katie, Brandon, Stan and Meg – and family and friends. At this moment, they’re trying to work out how to bury my fee in “highway improvements” for Phillips County or something.)

 

My heart has always gone out to Blinc, as intimates know her, because it’s all so simple! Yes, first impressions are important. Public appearances are crucial to politicians. But it’s basically a two-pronged approach, and I mean “prong” in a nice way.

 

Grooming and wardrobe. That’s it.

 

Blinc’s wardrobe is fine for an Arkansas politician. Clean, tailored, self-effacing, dull. Yes, she looks better in pastels than in primaries, and washes out in blacks and browns, which she should eschew. But her wardrobe is “timeless” (meaning she could’ve bought it at Penney’s 20 years ago or yesterday at Target). Safe.

 

No, Blinc, your Image Impasse is Grooming. Hair and makeup, specifically.

 

RULE #1: NEVER leave home for ANYWHERE looking like THIS.

 

unknown.jpg

 

Elections and re-elections are all about appearances, Blinc, and you are NOT third seed at the Dinah Shore Palm Springs Golf Classic nor Billie Jean King’s new BFF at the Los Angeles Women’s Tennis Tournament, if you’re keeping up with me here.

 

You’ve beautiful classic bone-structure that could benefit from a simple 5-minute “softening” makeup regimen from your Mary Kay rep (imagine the rural appeal of THAT!) and a lighter more feminine coif.

 

unknown.jpg

 

Yes, the hair’s more feathery yet not so au courant you’re suspected of thinking you’re BETTER than we. It too is “timeless” since it was new 30 years ago and is still fashionably southern in the circles you run in.

 

It’s only a beginning, Blinc. And I know you hate makeup and beauty salons.

 

So let me put it this way: Five minutes a day “The Mary Kay Way” and something other than a Cleveland Browns practice-helmet for a “hairstyle,” your con$tituent$ will keep you in office in perpetuity.

 

You're welcome.

 

unknown.jpg

 

P.S. Your political integrity is entirely up to you.

From the ArkTimes store

Favorite

Comments (2)

Showing 1-2 of 2

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-2 of 2

Add a comment

More by Norma Bates

  • OMG – IT’S ON!

      I heads-upped you in my previous post (below) but the day arrived TODAY! In the form of my contracts from WM / E in Beverly Hills!
    • Mar 20, 2010
  • OPENING DOWN UNDER

      Never one to call attention to myself, I’ve mentioned my national tour of a few years ago in “Split Ends: The Tammy Wynette Story” only once before, here.
    • Mar 15, 2010
  • THE DOCTOR IS OUT: TO LUNCH

          The Arkansas-Democrat’s Sunday (Feb. 28) Guest Column, “Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t serve,” by George Schroeder, M.D., begins with a dream, ends with a lie and begs the question, “Why?”   The dreamer, Dr. Schroeder (“I dreamed . . .)
    • Mar 1, 2010
  • More »

Blogroll

 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation