Untitled | A Damsel in Distress

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Untitled

Posted By on Tue, Sep 23, 2008 at 3:18 AM

  PSSST! CINDY LOU!
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Yes, you. Your lovely real name. Was the "Lou" a little too Paul Anka for you? Is that why you dropped it? Like you dropped your siblings to claim you're an only chld? Like you dared appeared in public in this dress?

C'mere, Cindy Lou. Let's huddle, honey, over this misguided ensemble for the Ole Miss Presidential Debate this Friday evening between your husband and Michelle's husband in Oxford, Mississippi.

First: What are you doing pretending a basketball stadium is a fashion runway? They can't be paying you THAT much!

Second: You're too mature for the Jamie Lynn Spears look. Honestly? You're too mature for the LYNNE Spears look.

In any case, NOBODY is mature enough for that " 'Camptown Races' Meets 'Swan Lake' " concoction Rachael Zoe whipped up for you.

In truth, Cindy Lou? You know you're in trouble when your wig is older than you are.

I'm just saying.

We're talking about Ole Miss, this weekend, Cindy Lou, m'darlin'. Historic.

Making Rebel Flag statements across your bodice, even if subtly secessionist (Todd Palin) and racist (Republican) to appeal to your base . . . is a wee bit keg-party White Supremacist and might best be stylistically revectored away from Skank.

Like you're not this big Beer Heiress and stuff and can't at least spring for a fashion consultant at Belk's, who would have immediately nixed THIS choice.

I mean, isn't Sarah Palin skank enough? Aren't you supposed to be, Cindy Lou, the elegant "Jacqueline" to Sarah's slutty "Britney" in this all-important election?

Which may explain why you look so haggard, here, Cindy Lou. You former cheerleader, Junior Rodeo Queen of Arizona (1968), Best-Dressed High School Senior, you.

Pssst! Cindy Lou! I don't know who your previous stylist was. But go back to him or her.

Go back to those fabulous off-beat colors no other would-be First Lady can wear! Chartreuse! Peacock Blue! Frog-Belly Green!

The primary colors, Red, White and Blue, don't really work on you, Cindy Lou.

Wonder why.


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