Follow the rules | Arkansas Blog

Friday, November 17, 2006

Follow the rules

Posted By on Fri, Nov 17, 2006 at 3:34 PM

Apologies to all our faithful readers for the inactivity today. It happens that we sometimes have real work to do.

But a friend sends us something that may have already hit everybody else's mailboxes. It's said to be a new set of rules for 2007 from comedian George Carlin (a reader gives another source, but it's the sentiment that's the point). We'll give you just a sample. Here's a site with all of them. You guess which one caught our attention:

New Rule:  Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com!  There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years.  Because you don't particularly like them!  Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.

New Rule:  Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone.  Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them?  Okay, we're done.

New Rule:  The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole."

New Rule:  No more gift registries.  You know, it used to be just for weddings.  Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule:  If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh.  If so, then plan your future around saying" Do you want fries with that?"

 


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