Issues for today... | Central Arkansas Confidential

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Issues for today...

Posted By on Wed, Mar 21, 2007 at 1:06 PM

Well, I want to do a television blog, but I have no time, and I don't know how to use templates, so that takes about three hours to write and construct, so we'll see... here's some stuff on my mind right now... this would probably be easier if I just emailed Belinda...



Issue #1:  The "new woman" who is a gossipper and an instigator and is right now wearing so many shades of "off-white" I'm close to a seizure, just said, as she always does in a loud whisper like someone saying "She has [hushed] cancer",like whispering makes it not so bad or something, uhhh the worst!  Anyway, in commenting on the fact that another person in our office no longer uses paper checks as it is 2007 and you can do that:  "Does he not have a check, everyone has a checking account, I can't believe that, I hope everythings all right, I mean he makes enough money, you would think he could write a check..."  At which point I had to cut her off and present the idea, in her little world of kitten posters, peanut butter Captain Crunch, teal eye shadow and Adam's family ringtones that perhaps, just perhaps, he uses his "Checkcard" and "On-line banking" take care of his finances and not Looney Toons checks, as she promptly showed all of us, to prove that she does indeed have checks that she can write on and "wouldn't be caught dead without them."  I believe she is actually a test from the Lord, and like Job, I must have patience.  If anyone hears of a good job out there for an underly stimulated writer with great computer skills and some self-taught graphic design ability, send it my way.







Issue#2 -  Totally got hooked on American Idol this year, dang it!  And while I hate reality shows, I want Lakisha and Melinda to do well and make records "cuz they can sang."  That said, what the hell was going on with the crying girl on the show last night?  That was ridiculous.  She was balling, BALLING, like the four Beetles had stepped off the plane from Britain into her living room and all simultaneously offered to marry her upon her 18th birthday in a ceremony presided over by Justin Timberlake and featuring Dora the Explorer as her maid of honor - FOR SANJAYA!  She was insanely crying over SANJAYA!  Honey, first of all, he is terrible, and I mean terrible, I've seen better karaoke at 11:30pm at a redneck wedding.  Secondly....SEE #1, if at this age she can't tell he's living in Worstville, population Sanjaya, then she is tone deaf or something and needs to see a doctor.  Now watch her be some terminally ill child from the Make-a-wish Foundation...... 





Issue#3-  There was a big blinking road sign on I40 today that said "RIGHT LANE CLOSED AHEAD" with one of those arrows telling you to get in the left lane or DIE!  So I do, everyone is creeping along, but we'll get through it together.....hmmm right lane still clear, but there is a new orange sign that says "ROAD WORK 1/2 MILE", well its coming up, okay......"ROAD WORK 1500ft", yet curiously not a barrell, not a cone, not a ATHD truck in know where this is going.... there was no construction, not even the appearance they were getting ready to construct anything... meanwhile it's the Wild West trying to get back in the right lane for my exit... What the F?  Too early in the morning for make-believe traffic drama.





 Issue #4 -Al Gore is testifying in front of Congress on Global Warming.  Apparently people in Congress are starting to realize that it isn't "a hoax" and maybe we should think about thinking about thinking about doing something about doing something about Global Warming...  Once, just once can Congress get in front of the curve on something other that a pay raise, a proclamation to make tomorrow "University of Florida Football Day" or sending pork to their lobbiests....oh, and then today, Diane Reem (sp?) had some spokesperson from the Bush Administration on about the controversy over that oil lobbyist that was on staff and change some report on Global Warming to basically say "it may or may not be happening, and if it is, it isn't that bad," when the original, SCIENTIST'S findings were much more serious.  Well, while I'm not going into all that or how wrong it is that some douche that works for big oil and Dubbya, which is like the same company anywyay,

[ASIDE:  New woman went out at lunch and bought the same exact purse, color and all, as this other woman in the office bought yesterday, because "I couldn't let you have the cutest purse in the office today and it looks so good with my eyes"...MY MIND IS MELTING!  WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? MY MIND IS MELTING!  She had no response to my question, "What does that even mean?" other than to whisper, of course, "I don't think [the other woman] got her's on sale, I did."  WHAT?! And she just offered coffee, that she didn't make, nor knows how to make, to guys from some construction company who obviously just bought cokes from the coke machine, that they were opening as they walked by her...... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!, and we're back...]  

 but I will say that Diane didn't let him spew Republican mumbo jumbo, she's still a firecracker. See An Inconvenient Truth, it will unscramble your mind and make you walk more...



Issue#5:  Through the grapevine (hee, hee) I hear there's some new wine and cheese bar downtown called "Crush", a stone's throw from the ArkTimes offices, literally, I believe in the old Firehouse Subs.  Anywho's, they're having a opening celebration 4-8pm this Saturday, with insanely cheap wine prices and refreshments, etc.  When I say insane, I mean literally pennies for a glass and there's going to be a bucket of pennies at the door....anway here's the tip on biz from the kids over at Arkansas Business, it sounds like a cool little idea, well see if the Rivermarket crew takes to it, maybe they'll have to have some mud wrestling...   





 Thanks to my friend who forwarded this to me: Go here, listen to 500 Hobo names, it's priceless.

Confidentially yours, Mr. #619 Nosepicker Rick(ey) Pick




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