Olympics, what are you thinking? | Central Arkansas Confidential

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Olympics, what are you thinking?

Posted By on Thu, Aug 21, 2008 at 1:49 PM

Okay, I'm a bit obsessive about the Olympics, I mean it's only every 4 years and you get to see all these insane athletes that never see the light of day otherwise.

So let me just say, Phelps, Greatest, Gold!, Lezak is the man, $1 Million dollars, merman. Okay, Phelps out of the way.

Ten Olympic Sports that should be tossed before Baseball or Softball:

(in no particular order of crappiness)

Table Tennis - okay, I know a lot of people play it. I know it takes skill. I don't know how you watch it for more than 3 minutes on television. I don't know where else it's as huge as it is in and around China, but if we're going to start cutting stuff because one country is really good or it's regional, ummmmm, starting with Ping Pong.

Badminton - even worse than Table Tennis. I know, I know, the Chinese love it, I'm sorry, I don't get it. Again, lots of skill, totally you could beat me in it, how the hell you get paid to play it I will never know. Could watch maybe half a match, only because the American Announcers are so funny saying shuttlecock all the time.

Handball - okay, have you heard of the US Handball Team? Nope. Well, it supposedly exists, sorta. Great! Apparently you can play professionally in France... this is starting to make more sense. I don't think it's a bad "sport", though I think we called it Gymball in P.E. If you get it in the basketball hoop do you get ten points? Another sport in which the European teams dominate because it's a small, niche sport. So where's that American Football Medal? This sport could be about as big as Lacrosse over here, maybe bigger, it is physical, and Americans would add our own swagger, of all of them on this list, I would sooner see it played than any of the others.

Synchronized Swimming - this is not a sport, it's not all that artistic either, it's just lame. Always has been. Could be better if: water was on fire, swimmers were blindfolded, it was limited to one hour for the entire competition, less sequence and awful hair and make up, no nose plugs and lastly, each team should have to have one aquatic trained animal. NO MORE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING.

Field Hockey - who invented this sport, seriously? First of all, the Netherlands is the only country with a professional league. THE NETHERLANDS. That explains a lot. The sport is dominated by the Netherlands and Australia. And if you watch it, oh sweet Lord, someone score! At least hit each other with the clubs. Something. It's like where short, white boys that can't play soccer go to die. And I've seen women's field hockey on television and live in person, sorry ladies, it is not fun, exciting, sexy or advancing your equality in sports.

Rhythmic Gymnastics - what the fXck? It's more circus performing than sport. Again, yes, skilled, but a sport? I mean, rodeo clowning should be a sport then. I know you are never suppose to say never, I'm saying I WILL NEVER LIKE RHYTHMIC GYMNASTICS. Awful, if you aren't good enough to be on the gymnastics team, go to this or TRAMPOLINE GYMNASTICS which is just as bad. Not everyone gets to go to the Olympics, that's why we all watch, don't make up a sport so you can increase your medal potential.

Trampoline Gymnastics - see above. Ridiculous, not a sport. And obviously added under pressure from China, which took gold and bronze. Lame.

Archery - definitely a sport, one in which I would like to see a lot less technology making the difference, the bows look like they should be shooting lasers and getting wifi. And the shooting events aren't far behind, but at least we are still based in some sort of ancient skill. Sorta.

Race Walking - Okay, come on, competitive walking? Come on, and don't televise the whole thing! Oh, and you can't look cool doing it or like an athlete at all. It's more like when you wanted to be the first one out at recess to play tether ball, but you couldn't run in the hall... and you can get disqualified for raising your heel before the other foot goes down, but you have to get 3 red cards from 3 different judges from different countries and sacrifice a goat... I don't know, it's probably the biggest waste of time ever.

And before this morning when I caught some of it, I was going to say "Canoeing", which I thought was like flatwater kayak and rowing (which, seriously, maybe too many different rowing events), but it's not, they squat on one knee and have to balance while rowing much like you would imagine Native American braves attacking down river would. It's crazy, how they stay balanced, I have no idea, that do not get in a fight with one of these canoers, they are big strong dudes and ladies.

So, that leaves me with 9 sports... wait... checking provisional sports...BMX cycling (okay, rather see mountain biking), women's 3000 meter steeplechase(I good with this), marathon (10 km) swimming(okay, but that's it with the distance swimming, England), and team events in table tennis (No, there's already enough ping-pong)... anyway, I think some of those should go before baseball and softball, hello? And Japan won the softball gold and you know they have professional leagues over there. Stupid IOC.

Supposedly baseball and softball aren't as popular around the world and the star players can't come to the Olympics to play like the NBA and Soccer and stuff... because that's the Olympic spirit, no you can't play your sport in the Olympics because all the professional players are too busy to come to the Olympics. Yet another reason to cut the professional baseball season by at least a third if not in half. The game of summer should not be played from Feb. to Nov.

Water Polo - the sport I'm giving a chance. I never watched water polo that much until this Olympics when it just happened to be on when I ate lunch. This is like a better version of hockey and handball. It's like a fight, while treading water and trying to score. And the athletes are like brutes, and apparently drowning your opponent is part of the game. Oh, and when you go to the penalty box, you still have to tread water. I have no idea what the rules are, I just know that this is one of the few women's team sports that is just as exciting as it's men's counterpart. I think it could catch on in the states with a grassroots high school system, a semi-pro league and some actual financial support to the US Teams, which are pretty darn good, FYI. And it would be nice to start beating Eastern Europe in some of their little niche sports they think they can keep us out of. I see Russia, USA and China focussing on water polo...

I'm still waiting for kickball to make it into exhibition sports...

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