Wally Watch: Special "Wallyisms" Edition | Razorback Expats

Monday, February 11, 2008

Wally Watch: Special "Wallyisms" Edition

Posted By on Mon, Feb 11, 2008 at 12:28 PM

Wally Watch: Where we read Wally Hall so you don't have to.

Discerning readers will note that it's been a while since we've published a Wally Watch. But, we're happy to drag this feature out of the moth balls - with a different twist. Instead of the usual focus on a specific column or two, what follows is a collection of Wallyisms - those wonderfully bizarre, illogical and grammatically incorrect sentences or paragraphs that could only emanate from the keyboard of the sports editor of Arkansas' largest daily newspaper.

Note: These Wallyisms were collected not by us but by a source who has requested anonymity. We realize that guessing the identity of this source will soon become a favorite parlor game of Razorback fans, but do not bother to ask us to reveal this brave man's name. The protection of confidential sources is something that we take extremely seriously here at RazorbackExpats, and we are willing to send one of our unpaid interns to jail if ordered by a court to name this person. (The only thing we will say about our source is that Hal Holbrook is slated to play him in the upcoming "RazorbackExpats: The Movie.") Now, on with the Wallyisms.

2/26/2006: There wasn’t enough right guards to handle Arkansas’ defense in the second half here.

3/08/2006: Her office is a plethora of sports pictures.

3/14/2006: They also run a zone defense, which has not been something the Razorbacks have been very comfortable with this season, although matchup zones have not been as troublesome and that’s what Bucknell runs.

11/26/2006: Understand that many members of the media have been campaigning for five years that a rule be added that only conference champions are eligible for the national title, along with, of course, Notre Dame, which has the sweetest deal of all college teams when it comes to BCS bowls because every day when they wake up they are Notre Dame.

11/26/2006: Florida is going to key on McFadden and double up on Monk, and if they don’t, Urban Meyer should be fired, but of course that won’t happen because that’s exactly what they will start preparing to do today.

2/20/2007: Where does one look to find someone who is willing to accept the challenge of not only replacing a legend, but smooth the deep wrinkles in the fan base and pick up speed as the Razorback ship sails deeper into the 21st century?

2/22/2007: Steven Hill got two free throws with 6:00 to play and it was obvious, the team that played the least bad down the stretch was going to win this one.

3/6/2007: The question now seems to be what has the last two games done to help Heath get back for another season.

3/6/2007: Incidentally, it was after that game the comment about a player spending more time in English class was made in this space; well, on Sunday, my mom suggested the same could have been said for me at 18.

3/30/2007: That’s the type of man Gillispie has always been. His word is his bond. So at least half the people in the agreement was a gentleman.

5/8/2007: Eventually, the two were approached by yours truly, and do understand those four-legged beasts scare the dickens out of me, and it was interesting to note that each time High Heels turned the corner into sight until she turned the far corner and went out of sight, Hartlage’s eyes were on her.

1/9/2008: A BCS title game record crowd came with enthusiasm and left with sore throats. They were vigilant in their belief cheering makes a difference.

2/8/2008: When you consider that 57 of the first 100 players taken in the 2007 NFL Draft had been a three-star player or less coming out of high school, you understand why he has to trust his and his staff’s eyes more than those of recruiting sites. In fact, there was some very real discrepancy this year among the top three in ranking the classes in the SEC.

(more at www.razorbackexpats.com)

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