True Blood: As worthless as tits on a turtle | Rock Candy

Monday, September 13, 2010

True Blood: As worthless as tits on a turtle

Posted By on Mon, Sep 13, 2010 at 11:53 AM

truebloodcharcoaled.jpg

Ugh. Same song, different verse.

Despite the mid-season promise of a battle royale between vampire royalty, Sookie's suitors and werewolves, not only did none materialize in the season finale, just about every plot turn was unsatisfying or downright dumb.

Except, of course, the big, long overdue Bill reveal. We've known he'd be outed as a spy forever, but it was still a little bit thrilling to see him flying out of Sookie's front door as she banished him. It'll be interesting to see how his character evolves now that his courtly Southern vampire act has been exposed. Even knowing that he was capable of treachery, it was still pretty shocking to see him try to kill Eric.

Vampire powers sidenote: What's with his ability to perfectly mimic Eric's voice? Is this some latent vampire power? Also, in a sexless episode, the best we got is that Bill's ability to not gorge Sookie is "tantric." Steely like Sting, yo.

Otherwise, lots of groan-worthy stuff on characters taking deep, life altering looks in the mirror: The shimmering ghost of the Messiah Godric appears to Eric and convinces him to spare Russell. Peace and forgiveness and what not. Die already, Godric, to never rise again and lend Eric too much compassion. Sookie continues to be the vehicle through which the audience expresses its frustration: After Eric tells her to go retrieve burnt-pinata-looking Russell, she says, "You want me to go get the guy who wants to kill us all and bring him inside?” Yeah, I'm not buying it either.

Also, Sam tells Tara he's a shapeshifter. He's proud of who he is, you see. Tara is supernaturaled out, tired of people dying near her in the parking lot of Merlotte's and upset that her mother's boinking the pastor (small potatoes relative not just to the other stuff, but a life with a drug addict for a mom, right?), so she cuts her hair and heads out of town. Hooray! Sam, meanwhile, appears to have calmed a bit. He makes amends with Terry and small talks with Lafayette, but when he finds that Tommy's stolen his loot, he gets all Franken-Sam again and, in one of several fairly boring cliffhangers, appears to shoot his long, lost bro. Again, Sam's descent into derangement feels terribly contrived.

Also, also, Lafayette is totally seeing things (like Renee telling him his demon spawn is inside of Arlene) and freaking out. Jesus comes to console him, tells him he's a bru (a bro-witch) and promises him everything's going to be cool. Which somehow makes everything OK. Lafayette: You a witch who's a nurse who's a dude? Oh shit, I guess I lucked out then."

And, because it totally makes sense that Crystal's brother/fiance would shoot his brother/cousin and father/father-in-law and not the guy who stole his sister/fiance, beat him up and exposed his drug ring, Jason is now the leader of a flock of in-bred werepanthers. This, for sheer ridiculousness, is what I'll be looking forward to next year.

Until then, with fingers-crossed that we won't have to spend too much time with Sookie in the soft-lit, Maxi-pad commercial from the '80s that is fairyland.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

From the ArkTimes store

Favorite

Comments (3)

Showing 1-3 of 3

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-3 of 3

Add a comment

More by Lindsey Millar

  • The PR Stunt Edition

    Little Rock’s Amazon PR stunt, the Tom Cotton to the CIA rumor, French Hill and Puerto Rico and UA-Little Rock's football future — all covered on this week's podcast.
    • Oct 20, 2017
  • The First Amendment, Yo Edition

    The latest in the legal fight to stop a law that would prevent Planned Parenthood from performing abortions in Arkansas, the cancellation of a rap show in Little Rock and its First Amendment implications, a stunning investigative report on drug court defendants being forced to work for free for Arkansas poultry companies and bellicose Tom Cotton — all covered on this week's podcast.
    • Oct 13, 2017
  • Come with the Arkansas Times to the Johnny Cash Heritage Festival

    After several years of Arkansas State University in Jonesboro hosting benefit concerts to raise money for the restoration of Johnny Cash's boyhood home, this year the Johnny Cash Heritage Festival debuts in Dyess just outside the Cash homeplace. And of course the Arkansas Times is chartering a bus to be there. The lineup is spectacular: Kris Kristofferson (one of the greatest songwriters of all-time easily), Rosanne Cash, Joanne Cash and Tommy Cash and Buddy Jewel.
    • Oct 13, 2017
  • More »

Readers also liked…

  • Judge anticipates punishment of lawyers in Fort Smith class action case

    Federal Judge P.K. Holmes of Fort Smith issued a 32-page ruling yesterday indicating he contemplates punishment of 16 lawyers who moved a class action lawsuit against an insurance company out of his court to a state court in Polk County after a settlement had been worked out.
    • Apr 15, 2016
  • John Goodson and others add lawyers for hearing on forum shopping

    Lawyers facing federal court sanctions for forum shopping a class action insurance case have brought in new legal guns from out of state to fight potential sanctions.
    • May 26, 2016
  • Lawyers plead for mercy in Fort Smith forum shopping case

    Twelve of the lawyers facing punishment by federal Judge P.K. Holmes in Fort Smith for moving a class action case against an insurance company out of his court to a state court where it was speedily settled have filed their argument against sanctions.
    • Jun 16, 2016

Most Shared

  • Discussion: State killing of the mentally ill

    The Arkansas Coalition to Abolish the Death Penalty and others will have a forum on mental illness and the death penalty at 6:30 p.m. Monday at the Bowen School of Law's Friday Courtroom.

Most Recent Comments

Blogroll

Slideshows

More »

 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation