Sunday To-Do: ZooJam | Rock Candy

Friday, September 30, 2011

Sunday To-Do: ZooJam

Posted By on Fri, Sep 30, 2011 at 2:08 PM

Toby Keith headlines ZooJam Sunday night.
  • Toby Keith headlines ZooJam Sunday night.

Noon. War Memorial Park. $65.

You can learn a lot about life and America and Toby Keith by watching Toby Keith videos.

For example: In the video for "Trailerhood," Toby's wearing a hat that says "Nachos." Now that's a pretty cool hat, and it lets us know that Toby don't take things too seriously. From "I Wanna Talk About Me," we learn that Toby's happy to listen to his woman yammer on and on about clothes and gossip and lady stuff. But you know what? Sometimes, Toby wants to talk about Toby. And that's OK.

If you watch "I Love This Bar," you'll find out that Toby's favorite bar has all different kinds of white people hanging out there. In "Beer for My Horses," we learn that when Toby is playing a detective who's trying to crack a tough case, sometimes he has to turn to Willie Nelson for help. Everybody has to turn to Willie sometimes, even Toby.

In "American Ride," we discover that Toby loves this crazy country of ours, even though its culture is morally bankrupt and there are hordes of Mexicans waiting to swarm the border and you're not allowed to sing Christmas carols anymore because Christians are so oppressed and everybody's broke and Wall Street loves Obama. Oh, and don't worry about global warming, because even with "both ends [?] of the ozone burnin' / somehow the world keeps turning."

So maybe all you fancy-pants college professors and liberals and "scientists" just need to let Toby take you to school. Class is in session right now, on YouTube. Better bone up, four-eyes. Opening up for Toby at this fundraiser for the Little Rock Zoo are Sara Evans, Eric Church and Diamond Rio.

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