My Great Colonoscopy Adventure | Street Jazz

Monday, November 6, 2017

My Great Colonoscopy Adventure

Posted By on Mon, Nov 6, 2017 at 12:07 PM

“Mister Drake, you’re back again!” the doctor said. “Well,” I said, “once you get addicted to this stuff . . .” Gesturing to the monitor on the wall, I added, “Besides, you should never give up a chance to be on TV.”

For those who are both literal minded and humorless (a deadly combination in any human being) no, I am not addicted to the joys of a colonoscopy; it has been several years since my last one. But when pain - and soul-sapping trips to the bathroom - interfere with your day, well, needs must.

And as astute readers (which includes all of my regular readers) have no doubt noticed, my output has not been what it could be of late. But once we take care of one or two small matters that will be remedied.

It’s always a surreal experience, watching the ceiling lights go by as they wheel you into “The Room.” But what made it even more bizarre was that this was Halloween: so many of the folks on duty that day were dressed up to honor the occasion.

“I see that you are on Xanax,” one nurse told me, looking over my chart. She explained that sometimes it can interfere with anesthetic.

“If I’d known that,” I said, “I would have stopped taking it a few days ago.”

“Oh no,” she assured me, “You’d have to stop taking it a long time ago.” Visions of demonic sugar plum fairies danced through my head, as I imagined waking up in the midst of my anal odyssey.

Not to worry, Vampiric Reader, I was blissfully unaware of anything at all during the procedure.

But then, of course, comes The Aftermath, in which the doctor comes in and tells you the results. I have always sort of dreaded this part, given that on one occasion, in years past, just a few feet away - but separated by the curtain - were two people I had worked with, who were there with their father when the doctor told them all that he had not long left to live.

Revelations such as this should not be shared by the whole world; I felt their grief that day as keenly as I would have felt it were it someone I loved getting the news.

As for myself, the culprit was a polyp, much as it was the last time. Damn polyps, which can really screw up a man’s day.

But the little swine is gone now, though I have no doubt another will appear some years hence. After all, as a character notes in Romancing the Stone, “But if there was one law of the West...

“bastards had brothers...”

So you can look forward to yet another exciting Colonoscopy Adventure in about five years. Are you as excited as I am?


Today’s Soundtrack

Typing a jig today, listening to the Celtic Woman CD “A New Journey.” And hey, it’s the “Deluxe Edition,” which means it has four bonus tracks.

And it has a lovely version of one of my favorite pieces of music, “Shenandoah,” which never fails to bring a tear to my eye.

The CD is worth it just for that alone.

Now on YouTube: Secure Arkansas

My interview with a member of the political group Secure Arkansas, which is chiefly notable for the fact that it is only show in 26 years in which I have been pushed to the point of surliness by a guest.

But I dislike it when anyone - be they liberal or conservative - just sits across the table from me and can only mouth talking points and cliches.

It’s an intellectual crime against nature.

"On the Air with Richard S. Drake" celebrates 26 years years on the air in 2017.


Quote of the Day

A research group found that 56 percent of major companies surveyed in the late '80s agreed that 'employees who are loyal to the company and further its business goals deserve an assurance of continued employment.' A decade later, only 6 percent agreed. It was in the '90s that companies started weeding people out as a form of cost reduction. - Barbara Ehrenreich

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