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anitawagnerillig 
Member since Feb 6, 2012


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Re: “Newt Gingrich's blow for adulter.., er, polyamory

"The Internet has facilitated the practice, article says. Well. I don't know if I'm buying. Know any polyamory practitioners around Arkansas?"

When I read your post, Mr. Brantley, it was rather taken aback to see such speculation. A simple google search would have answered the question in short order. As others have pointed out, polyamory is alive and well all over the U.S., including Arkansas. It is also being practiced in many other countries, England, South Africa, and Australia, to name a few.

To Brian Welch: Thanks! You did an excellent job, couldn't have said it better myself. Indeed, there are more women than men leading the polyamory movement. My own motivation for a poly life is to escape as much as possible the cheating culture. And as Newt so accurately demonstrated, cheating and then disclosing later is NOT polyamory and is seriously problematic because in secretly violating a relationship agreement we violate trust, something that is very difficult to restore (though not always impossible.)

Thanks in general to all who corrected Mr. Brantley's misinterpretation of what polyamory really is. It's about a lot of things, but as it says in the Bible, the greatest of these is love. As already pointed out, it certainly isn't for everyone, but it is a legitimate alternative to traditional monogamy if it is practiced with openness, honesty, and the consent of all involved. There is certainly a fairly steep learning curve, with those with reasonably good self-esteem and self-awareness mastering it most quickly. Once that happens, an abundance of love, emotional intimacy and connection and support is the payoff. Polyamorists design their relationships with significant amounts of intention and a lot of communication with those involved - this tends to bring people closer, and the relationships, when pursued with integrity, become deeper.

All this said, monogamy is still an entirely legitimate option if entered into with serious intention between the parties beforehand instead of reflexively living monogamously because that's what people do. All marriages will benefit tremendously from communication and deliberation about how the marriage should be structured. I was recently married to my long-time partner, and that's what we did and will continue to do as time passes to be sure we remain on the same page.

Anita Wagner Illig
http://www.practicalpolyamory.com

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by anitawagnerillig on 02/06/2012 at 2:12 PM
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