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annon123456 
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Re: “Harris blames adoption woes on Department of Human Services

That was supposed to be 4 years into the adoption, not 21. Not sure how that typo happened. And I adopted her at almost 10.

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by annon123456 on 03/08/2015 at 12:39 PM

Re: “Harris blames adoption woes on Department of Human Services

Unlike some are saying, you can be charged with abandonment for disrupting a finalized adoption. Another problem in social services is social workers lying about children to get them placed, then everything blows up because the children are far more troubled than the family expected/can cope with. Once the adoption is final social services walks away. Some of these kids have been incredibly damaged by what they have been through and that makes them equally as incredibly difficult to effectively parent. It takes a special kind of family to parent a child with raging full blown reactive attachment disorder, for example. And often other children and pets are NOT safe when parenting a child with that diagnosis. I know this first hand. My adopted daughter killed my lovely sweet loving 3.5 year old cat. On purpose almost 2l years into this adoption. To see what it would be like to kill something. And she didn't even care. When I confronted her about it, she said, "So?" in that tone of voice dripping with distain that teens can be so good at.

Children need homes, but they need the right kind of homes with families that can manage them, with supports from social services even after the adoption is completed, honesty on the part of social services about the problems the children have… unfortunately when adopting really troubled kids the other children (and pets) in the family can become collateral damage. And states need to remove the risk of felony child abandonment for disrupting an adoption. About 25% of older child adoptions do not work out due to the extent of the damage the child suffered, the lack of services, lack of finances to pay for needed services (only some kids come with a subsidy), inability to keep everyone in the family safe (due to the behaviors of the child with the significant mental health issues). None of this is the fault of the children because bad stuff was done to them by their birth family and they may have mental illness, but not very many families can successfully parent children like this. Everything of value I own has been stolen or purposely ruined by my child. She has been in a psych ward, jail… if I had money for residential treatment I'd send her, but I don't. She has killed one of my cats. She has been kicked out of many, many programs designed to help her. There are days I despair ever surviving this myself. My stress levels are off the charts. The only reason why I have been able to hang on is because there are no other children in my house. My cats live in my bedroom to keep them safe, with the door locked, any time she is home. If there were other kids she'd be a safety risk to them. I don't know what I'd do then. I did look into disrupting but found I'd be charged with felony abandonment. Unless you have lived this you have no idea how horrific life can be trying to parent a really, really damaged child (birth or adopted). Fortunately my child is starting to straighten out her life a bit…however the cost emotionally, socially, financially, etc. to me has been extremely high.

If I knew then what I know now I would have declined this referral. But I was lied to, many records were removed from her file… there was no way of knowing what I was signing on for and I was not prepared to parent a child this disturbed. I didn't have the skills, finances… Lots of things need to change in adoption. And yes, adoptive parents can be victimized in this.

2 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by annon123456 on 03/08/2015 at 12:32 PM

 

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