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Re: “Over the hump

Trip Report:

First, these words by General eLwood are indeed a creed to live by. BP is a modern savior, come to redeem our Hummers, to anoint our coast with oil.

"Think of what you would do tomorrow without oil. Now think of what you would do tomorrow without Obama. Pretty simple isn't it!"

Today was indeed a day of celebration. We built a large cross from the rubble of a couple of homes formerly used by people dumb enough to build close to a highway that was large enough to serve as a runway for our plane. We sang Battle Hymn of the Republic, Jesus Loves Me, and Dixie; read from the Gospel of Rand; then claimed this land and all its peoples for the United States of America and her patron saint, Jesus Christ.

To seal the deal with God, we then burnt Harvey at the stake. He downloaded a virus while surfing for Hijab pron. I gave him a second chance after his lapse on watch last night when he lost the pig, but this morning a drumhead court martial enjoyed a Bloody Mary or two while he tried to get the virus to go away, then did their duty. I apologize to those who will miss him, but I do think he sent his password to his mother in the letter I let him write.

I am not sure what Khalid's people thought as they watched from outside our perimeter, but let me tell you there is nothing like burning someone at the stake to build your street cred in Somalia. Khalid came over right away and we jumped into a Toyota and went out to cruise the town.

This is a good place to bring up today's big insight for me: In a truly free society, you get as much police protection as you want to buy. There is no socialized law enforcement helping illegal aliens and unemployed freeloader citizens. Aliens are free to buy their own police protection, which is extremely fair. For example, we had a couple dozen of Khalid's men with us and felt perfectly safe even in the more sketchy areas of Mogadishu.

Another thing I am seeing -- and I feel like I am but the first hint of the great Enlightment sweeping Arkansas -- is that when everyone is carrying a gun, the murder rate is zero! How about that, Little Rock??? If everyone carries a gun, then both parties in an exchange have an equal opportunity to live or die, and so the end result is logically not murder. Hell yeah there are a lot of dead bodies around, but a murder rate of zero? You really have to experience it to believe it.

The lack of government here just brings tears of joy to my eyes. A man can be as big as he wants to be. And when I say man, I mean corporation. And when I saw corporation, I mean big oil or big banks or big insurance.

The afternoon was spent drinking tea and trying to find some pirates who speak English. They really aren't the friendliest people, but they love to hear Khalid tell them about flaming Harv. I think that move is really going to pay off.

Signing off from Mogadishu, Somalia,

The Arkansas Tea Party

Posted by Arkansas Tea Party on 07/07/2010 at 9:12 PM

Re: “DOJ sues over Arizona law

Dammit Harvey you are supposed to be on watch.

Posted by Arkansas Tea Party on 07/06/2010 at 6:14 PM

Re: “Over to y'all

Trip Report:

The ATP landed this morning in Mogadishu about 10:00 a.m. local time (it's now about 2:00 a.m.). The "Flaming Turtle" (as Tony H. christened it) performed and flew flawlessly despite being overloaded with men, supplies, ordinance and a pig that Fire Blanche Lincoln just had to bring along because he was supposed to bring bacon but couldn't get his sidearm unstrapped so he could go into Kroger.

Do you want to know the difference between legal immigrants and illegal immigrants? Illegal immigrants swim across rivers in the dead of night. Legal immigrants land on what used to be a highway and immediately deploy a perimeter with concertina and claymore mines. Legal and illegal really just depend on who has the most guns.

We had been teasing Estrada the entire trip, telling him his name sounded illegal and making him show his papers. Then when he wouldn't go along with that any longer, we got out the Bible and told him that Christians always obeyed the law, so really he was denying Christ by denying us his papers.

So anyway, when we land he's all upset because he thinks his pastor is going to rebuke him next Sunday for not showing us his papers for the 500th time, and so he machine guns the living hell out of a flock of sheep that somehow had managed to wander through our minefield without already getting blown up.

Clearly the sheep had no owner and were therefore public property to be used up, but it wasn't long before we started to see lots of Toyota pickup trucks with machine guns mounted in the beds along with a full load of men and too many RPGs to be healthy, all zooming around and checking out our perimeter.

They didn't raise any dummies at Harrison High School, home of the Fighting Goblins and the KKK, so I immediately sent Viper out with a cool mill in cash as a gift for whoever they worked for. When we got the plane from the BP hanger, it had four or five 55 gallon drums just stuffed full of $100 bills, all marked "Illness Fund" and to be honest we were a little ill about the firepower we were seeing.

A million bucks will make you feel like a million bucks, and soon we were best friends with Khalid, the local warlord for that part of the city. We ate the goats and sat up late into the night talking about how evil government is, and now sometimes a warrior is forced to be even more evil in order to fulfill God's promise of profit.

Meanwhile, Harvey's supposed to be on watch back at the plane, but what he's really doing is posting here over and over and over and over, because the pig manages to escape and gets away into downtown Mogadishu. Which then makes FBL so mad he attacks Harvey with the leg of a goat and splits his head pretty good with that cloven hoof.

I need to hit the sack because it will be a long day tomorrow, but I have already learned a very significant lesson on illegal immigration.

If you eliminate all social services, from clean water to schools to you-name-it, you take away the incentive for people to illegally move to your country. You get a country that people want to move away from, not into -- and that's the ATP's kind of country.

Special thanks to General eLwood. I'm bringing a present back for you.

Posted by Arkansas Tea Party on 07/06/2010 at 6:03 PM

Re: “Over to you

We won't be entering through customs, as free men we will land anywhere we want, but thanks for the tip anyway.

I do like the fact they assume everyone on the plane is carrying a firearm. Great example of a best practice we could adopt here in Arkansas.

Posted by Arkansas Tea Party on 07/01/2010 at 6:43 PM

Re: “Over to you

Fellow freedom fighters, remember that we leave on our fact-finding trip to Somalia Monday at 0800. We still need someone to sign up to bring the cheese dip.

Our key objectives are:
- Learn best practices from a society in which no one is forced to have their wealth redistributed for water, police, roads and that other socialistic nonsense.
- Obtain a boat and crew (see below) for our piracy program.
- Begin branding our 'Water Insurance' program in which the goal is to charge every citizen for the privilege of denying, I mean rationing, their water.

* The most efficient way to procure "Queen Ayn's Revenge" (as our first vessel will be named) will be for me to challenge the pirate captain to a hand-to-hand duel for his ship.

After the formalities and the rules have been set, I will stop to tie my shoe, which will be the signal for Harvey and ActMax to pull their Desert Eagles and cap the captain (heh). Impressed by our whiteness, cunning and firepower, the crew will immediately swear their allegiance to us. (I promise if we have time we'll go hijack something, just stop bugging me about it!)

General eLwood will be in command while I'm gone.

Tony Hayward is giving us one of the BP jets he's got down at the cleanup, but he was pretty pissed about the way we returned it last time. I blamed it all on Sarah and Todd, and said they wouldn't be along this time.

Posted by Arkansas Tea Party on 07/01/2010 at 5:58 PM

Re: “Chicago hangs tough on handguns

Why thank you. One day, school children will memorize my posts.

For example, in math, the teacher might lead them in saying "An increase in the number of concealed handguns will cause a proportional decrease in the number of murders by handguns."

Posted by Arkansas Tea Party on 07/01/2010 at 5:32 PM

Re: “Committee issues report on highway needs

Every item on this blog involves socialism in one way or another.

If all roads were toll roads operated by private corporations, you wouldn't have these issues. But is the government suggesting that? Of course not. Just another item on the Beebe-Obama axis.

Posted by Arkansas Tea Party on 07/01/2010 at 5:07 PM

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