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Brian Welch 
Member since Feb 6, 2012


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Re: “Newt Gingrich's blow for adulter.., er, polyamory

On poly being a man's game:

If you do a bit of research on who promotes polyamory, you'll find that the vast majority of supporting voices (or at least the most vocal) belong to women. The original poly groups were female-led, the majority of books on polyamory are authored by women, and the speakers on polyamory panels are primarily female. Why is this so? I will take a guess that it is because polyamory is, in the view of most of those who practice it, about establishing emotionally intimate relationships with multiple people. Establishing emotionally intimate and fulfilling connections seems to be something women identify with.

On definitions:

As noted, polyamory and swinging are quite different (although both involve ethical and responsible non-monogamy). In swinging the couple is the primary focus of the relationship, and sex is the goal with people outside of that relationship. In polyamory more than one person may share the primary focus of the relationship, and establishing a relationship is the primary goal outside of established relationships. Most swingers I know would run away screaming from any sign of a new relationship that even remotely challenges the primacy of the husband/wife couple.

On cheating:

Neither polyamory nor swinging is cheating per se, but the definition of cheating varies from person to person and what one might consider cheating another might be okay with. Sex, in and of itself, isn't necessarily cheating. Kissing, flirting, holding hands, hugging, and fantasizing aren't necessarily cheating. Context within the relationship is what determines what is cheating and what isn't. That's why it is important for everyone involved in a relationship to agree on a well-defined set of rules; too many monogamous relationships rely on assumptions about what is "okay" without recognizing that each person has a very different set of assumptions. If two people discover that they have conflicting desires about the type of relationship they want, they should consider parting ways.

Regardless of whether one chooses monogamy, polyamory, swinging, or any other relationship style, what is important is that everyone involved finds the style that works for him or her.

On offensive quotation marks:

The word polyamory shouldn't be included in quotation marks. It is a real word, recognized by the Merriam Webster dictionary.

And one last note:

Despite Max's obvious bias against relationship styles that do not include monogamy, he does make one salient point: a couple should discuss the type of relationship they want BEFORE anyone steps out.

4 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by Brian Welch on 02/06/2012 at 12:42 AM

 

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