Favorite

Coldcocked 

In case you missed it, here's how it went down Saturday.

The other team kicks off to our 18. We pass incomplete. We run 14. We pass incomplete twice. We punt. We endure five sales pitches, one with cows.

They run one yard. They pass complete, no gain. They pass complete but penalty costs them 10. They run for minus one. They punt 43 yards. Five more sales pitches.

They're penalized five. We run six. We pass five. We run five. We pass 14. We run no gain. We pass nine. Time out, five sales pitches. We run one. We pass seven; touchdown. With point after, we're up 7-0. Five sales pitches.

We kick off. They return 47 yards. They pass; dropped. They run seven. We're penalized five. They run five and 22. They pass nine. They run four; touchdown. With PAT, it's 7-7. Three sales pitches.

They kick off to our 22. We run, no gain. We pass four. We pass two. We punt to their seven. Time out, no sales pitches this time.

They run, no gain. They pass 26. We're penalized 15. They run four. They run three. Time out, three sales pitches. They pass 28, then four. They're penalized 10. They pass incomplete. End first quarter, tied 7-7. Nine sales pitches.

They pass incomplete. They kick 44-yard field goal. It's 10-7, them. Five sales pitches.

They kick off. We return 11 yards and they knock our ass off. We pass two. We pass 19. We run three. We pass 14; 16; incomplete. We run one. We run 12. We pass 14. We run six. We run for no gain. We pass incomplete but penalty gives us first down at their two. Our quarterback coldcocked, leaves game after next play. We run, touchdown, and with point after, lead 14-10. More sales pitches, uncounted because I've held it long as I can, have to hit the john.

We kick off. They return it 30. They run four; six; 12; six; 40. They run for no gain. They fumble at the goal line. Two refs indicate we've recovered at their one. But another ref rules touchdown for them; that call stands. We get screwed. With PAT, it's 17-14, them. Six sales pitches, including those cows again. Some funny-ass cows.

They kick off to our 17. We get 10-yard penalty. We pass incomplete. Time out. Three sales pitches, one with duck. We pass nine. We run seven. We punt. They block punt, take over at our 25. They pass incomplete. They run 12. They run 13; touchdown. With PAT, it's 24-14, them. Four sales pitches.

They kick off to our 34. We run three. We pass 15. We run one. We're sacked, lose five. We pass 17. Moron loses us 15 penalty yards. We pass 35 for touchdown. With PAT, it's 24-21, them. More sales pitches lost to beer run.

We kick off to their 20. They run nine; four. They pass 20. They run 29. They're penalized 15. We're penalized 15. They kick field goal. Half ends 27-21, them.

We kick to their 20 starting second half. They run 10; 10; six; five; five; seven; no gain; 27; three. They lose six on sack. They pass incomplete. They kick field goal. It's 30-21, them. More sales pitches but I have to bring groceries in from car, lose count.

They kick off to our 11. We run five. We pass three. Moron loses us 15 on penalty. We pass seven; six. We lose 10 on penalty. We run for minus three. We run eight. We pass 17; six; 37; touchdown. With PAT, it's 30-28, them. Five sales pitches.

We kick off. They return 99 to our one. They lose five on penalty. They run no gain; five; one; touchdown; PAT; 37-28, them. Four sales pitches, including a tiger.

They kick off to our 20. We pass 53; one; 26; touchdown; PAT; 37-35 them; four sales pitches.

We kick off to their 27. They run five, minus three, minus five, and punt. No sales pitches.

We run minus three. Three sales pitches during injury timeout. We pass 11. We run 25. End of third quarter; six sales pitches, the duck again.

We run seven. We pass incomplete. We pass 28; touchdown. Bottled lightning for the backup. With two-point conversion, it's 43-37, us. Five sales pitches, with cows and lizard.

We kick off to their 33. They pass 12; run for no gain; pass 13; pass 13; run 13; run 2; run15; touchdown. With PAT, 44-43, them.

They kick off to our 21; we pass short twice and run short once, fumble, they run it back 45 for touchdown, lead 51-43. Sales pitches include deer.

We throw interception on first play of next series; they score after three short runs, 58-43; sales pitches include dogs, gazelles.

Three dull plays into next series we're intercepted again; after runs of 10 and 37, they score again; are up 65-43. They must've run out of sales pitches. There's more game, but no scoring, mostly gassed guys gasping.

That's your big game in the age of Twitter. This day and time it's what people live for. We eat it up, and many can spit it back at you, play by play, yard by yard, point by point, festooned. All very exciting. Very life-enriching.

Favorite

From the ArkTimes store

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

More by Bob Lancaster

  • Wretched rez

    I had some New Year's Rez(olutions) for 2016 but that ship sailed so I'm renaming them my Spring Rez or my All-Occasion Whatevers and sending them along.
    • May 26, 2016
  • Nod to Bob

    A look back at the weird and wonderful world of Bob Lancaster.
    • Mar 21, 2013
  • On black history

    If you're going to devote an entire month to appreciating the history of a color, it might as well be the color black.
    • Feb 14, 2013
  • More »

Most Shared

  • Bad health care bill, again

    Wait! Postpone tax reform and everything else for a while longer because the Senate is going to try to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act one more time before September ends and while it can do it with the votes of only 50 senators.
  • Sex on campus

    Look, the Great Campus Rape Crisis was mainly hype all along. What Vice President Joe Biden described as an epidemic of sexual violence sweeping American college campuses in 2011 was vastly overstated.
  • The inadequate legacy of Brown

    LRSD continues to abdicate its responsibility to educate poor black students.

Latest in Bob Lancaster

  • Lancaster retires

    Bob Lancaster, one of the Arkansas Times longest and most valued contributors, retired from writing his column last week. We’ll miss his his contributions mightily. Look out, in the weeks to come, for a look back at some of his greatest hits. In the meantime, here's a good place to start.

    • Feb 21, 2013
  • On black history

    If you're going to devote an entire month to appreciating the history of a color, it might as well be the color black.
    • Feb 14, 2013
  • Making it through

    Made it through another January, thank the Lord.
    • Feb 6, 2013
  • More »

Event Calendar

« »

September

S M T W T F S
  1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30

Most Recent Comments

  • Re: Sex on campus

    • I'm in my 50's. I don't think I know a single woman who HASN'T been…

    • on September 25, 2017
  • Re: Sex on campus

    • Here we see a "social scientist" who begins with an ad hominem argument, and then…

    • on September 24, 2017
  • Re: Sex on campus

    • Once again commentators blame the victim. Social scientists, of whom I am one, regularly find…

    • on September 22, 2017
 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation