Today we have a true-false test to see how much you know about the new health-care law. Grade yourself (honor system), and you don't have to tell anybody how you scored unless you want to.

OK, pencils ready…

There's a requirement in it that a supervising bureaucrat must be on hand before an EMT can give you CPR. (T) (F)

There's a provision that closes the Medicare donut hole by filling it with raspberry crème. (T) (F)

There's a reference in it to human fetuses as “thingamabobs.” (T) (F)

There's a provision urging (but not requiring) family doctors to give all patients, rather than just children, lollipops as they
are finishing up medical exams. (T) (F)

The ink wasn't dry before Mike Huckabee was using his opposition to it as the latest in a list of 10,000 reasons why you should send him all your money. (T (F)

There's wording in it that was taken verbatim from the Communist Manifesto. (T) (F)

There's wording in it that was taken verbatim from “Mein Kampf.”

If you read the new law backwards, and do a moderate amount of rearranging of the letters, and considerable elision, and
some addition, and editing, and paraphrasing, and interpolation, you'll find that you have a relatively accurate condensed English-language version of the Koran. (T) (F)

That's just a coincidence, right? (T) (F)

The new law gives exclusive documentary film rights to Michael Moore. (T) (F)

It mandates coverage for injuries received from a-kickin' and a-gougin' in the mud and the blood and the beer. (T) (F)

It allows you to choose euthanasia even if you're senile or off your rocker. (T) (F)

It has a gun ban hidden in it. (T) (F)

It allows the powers-that-be to prohibit you from driving beyond age 60, even if you have all your faculties and don't drink
and can bench press 500 pounds. (T) (F)

It provides that anything you say under anesthesia can and will be used against you. (T) (F)

It substantially advances the international fluoridation conspiracy. (T) (F)

Obesity is a Class A misdemeanor under the law, and gaunt prosecutors are expected to have a field day with that. (T) (F)
Several of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion are encrypted in the text. (T) (F)

Fidel Castro endorsed it. (T) (F)

It was predicted in the Book of Revelation. (T) (F)

It requires health insurance firms to sell you on-demand coverage for your pets, though squirrels can't be claimed as pets, and you can't get liability for a pit bull. (T) (F)

It prohibits health insurers from reselling the arm and the leg that your policy costs you to organ harvesters for limb transplants. (T) (F)

It removes “being eat up with the dumbs” from the list of pre-existing conditions that can be used to deny you coverage. (T) (F)

The Death Panels are still authorized, but in order to soften the image they're called Gone to Be With Jesus Panels. (T) (F)

There's a portion of the law that can be interpreted to require you to test-drive one of those defective Toyotas before purchasing your next car. (T) (F)

Only one Republican member of Congress voted for the new law. (T) (F)

That one Republican aye voter was promptly excommunicated from the GOP by Rush Limbaugh, who has that power now. (T) (F)

If you think insurance is gambling, and your religion forbids you to gamble, then the government can't make you buy a health-care policy or pay a fine for not having bought one. (T) (F)

Christian Science adherents are similarly excused. (T) (F)

The law permits minorities, illegals, heathens and elitists to go to the head of any treatment line. (T) (F)

The bad news is that you'll have to have an electronic ID chip subcutaneously implanted, but the good news is that you won't have to pay for it. (T) (F)

As part of the Stupak Agreement, you'll hereafter be denied medical assistance for an erection lasting longer than four hours. (T) (F)

If you can't or won't pay your premiums, they can come get your dog. (T) (F)

The law has sardonic references to Waterloo and Armageddon and “the end of civilization as we know it.” (T) (F)

It outlaws the common practice of medical clinics, hospitals and other facilities turning all their waiting-room TVs to Fox News and forbidding patients or staff members to change the channel or turn down the volume. (T) (F)

Sen. Jim Bunning (R-Ky.) read all 2,309 pages of the law before deciding that he would vote against it. (Yeah, Boy!) (YGTBK)
Exorcisms are now fully covered, and exorcised demons are designated for disposal as medical waste. (T) (F)

None of the legal definitions in the law are dependent on what the meaning of “is” is. (T) (F)

The law authorizes waterboarding by a crazy former vice president of those arrested for no insurance after the mandate goes into effect. (T) (F)



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