Favorite

Farmer Al bares all 

Never having to lock my doors or draw my drapes has long been one of the pleasures of living out in the middle of nowhere. And one of my greatest summer pleasures, one generally unavailable to my friends in Hillcrest or West Little Rock, is trekking down to the tomato field wearing nothing but a pair of sandals and 45 SPF sunscreen. For the sheer tactile pleasure of sun on skin, there’s nothing like entering the garden the same way you entered the world.

Gardening for me is usually a solitary pursuit and gardening naked certainly keeps it that way. All the purple paint and No Trespassing signs in the world won’t stop an unwelcome visitor faster than a 54-year-old man displaying all the physical disadvantages of his age and love of bourbon, gardening naked in his side yard. And you never have to apologize because they are gone before you know it.

I think gardening naked offers much to the biblically minded. Occasionally my mate joins me on a particularly pretty day and there we are, Adam and Eve, out there in the garden with the snakes. If they had re-enactors for the book of Genesis, we’d have a new hobby.

Gardening has this undeserved, old guy, cap and overalls image that gardening naked does much to dispel. Gardening is all about random sex, miscegenation and warm, moist nights. The garden swings. Come July it’s just one big toga party down there. The Silver Queen is hooking up with the field corn, squash bugs are stuck together and I don’t even want to tell you what the praying mantises are doing. The sex and violence on cable television don’t begin to compete with what goes on in my garden.

I have found that Keb’Mo’ is the best garden-naked music. The blues in general, and Keb’Mo’ in particular, will have you struttin’ through the sweet corn like Mick Jagger. Just as Romas are better for sauces, Keb’Mo’ is better for gardening naked. Not long ago I was hoeing a planting furrow for some Nickel fillet beans when Keb’Mo’ came over my outdoor speakers for the first time. Next thing I know it was just me and my gooseneck hoe, high stepping between the Yukon Gold potatoes and the Kentucky Wonder pole beans.

Only gardeners with common sense should ever attempt to garden naked. Editor Brantley asked me if I pruned rose bushes in a natural state. Just asking such a question indicates that Editor Brantley should never garden naked. Never pick blackberries either while gardening naked. Do not prune out the dead fruiting canes from your raspberries. And for heaven’s sake, stay out of the seed ticks.

Alan Leveritt, whose garden patch is well-hidden behind a stand of cypress trees, is a newspaper publisher.

Favorite

From the ArkTimes store

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

More by Alan Leveritt

  • A sweetness worth the stings

    My uncle Elzie kept his bee hives in amongst the wrecked cars and other metal debris behind his house on the High­way 160 out­side of Smack­over.
    • Sep 23, 2015
  • Leveritt: Life on the farm

    In late afternoon, looking over the pasture from my mother's hillside grave, our farm may be the most beautiful place on earth.
    • Oct 3, 2013
  • The Arkansas Times introduces digital membership

    We can’t continue to produce aggressive, trenchant, independent reporting and analysis without increased reader support. A new model for funding, in which readers bear a share of our costs, is vital to the future of the Times.
    • Jul 25, 2013
  • More »

Readers also liked…

  • Schlafly's influence

    Phyllis Schlafly, mother, attorney and longtime antifeminist, died recently. What Schlafly promoted was not novel or new. Men had been saying that men and women were not equal for years. However, anti-feminism, anti-women language had much more power coming from a woman who professed to be looking out for the good of all women and families.
    • Sep 15, 2016
  • Seven

    The controversy over the Ten Commandments monument on the Capitol lawn just won't go away.
    • Feb 9, 2017
  • Why a change of leadership at the LRSD now?

    Johnny Key's abrupt, unilateral decision to not renew Baker Kurrus' contract as superintendent strikes us as shortsighted, misguided and detrimental to the education of our children and the health of our community.
    • Apr 21, 2016

Most Shared

  • Bad health care bill, again

    Wait! Postpone tax reform and everything else for a while longer because the Senate is going to try to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act one more time before September ends and while it can do it with the votes of only 50 senators.
  • Sex on campus

    Look, the Great Campus Rape Crisis was mainly hype all along. What Vice President Joe Biden described as an epidemic of sexual violence sweeping American college campuses in 2011 was vastly overstated.
  • The inadequate legacy of Brown

    LRSD continues to abdicate its responsibility to educate poor black students.

Latest in Guest Writer

  • Can't afford to gut ACA

    The Affordable Care Act was passed into law with the promise that it would make insurance affordable. Because of bipartisan leadership in Arkansas, we continue to strive to achieve that goal. While rhetoric abounds, it is important to understand the Arkansas experience.
    • Sep 21, 2017
  • Tipping point

    I was extremely cautious before engaging in the educational debate about the State Board of Education's decision to take over the Little Rock School District.
    • Sep 14, 2017
  • Left behind

    Arkansas is getting a lot of attention for our very low unemployment rate. If you look only at that number (3.4 percent), you would think workers here were doing quite well — better than surrounding states and even the nation as a whole. But that seemingly simple rate can hide some huge gaps in prosperity.
    • Sep 7, 2017
  • More »

Event Calendar

« »

September

S M T W T F S
  1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30

Most Viewed

  • Sex on campus

    Look, the Great Campus Rape Crisis was mainly hype all along. What Vice President Joe Biden described as an epidemic of sexual violence sweeping American college campuses in 2011 was vastly overstated.

Most Recent Comments

  • Re: Sex on campus

    • Nobody is blaming the victim. There also isn't some sinister patriarchy going on, it is…

    • on September 25, 2017
  • Re: Sex on campus

    • I'm in my 50's. I don't think I know a single woman who HASN'T been…

    • on September 25, 2017
  • Re: Sex on campus

    • Here we see a "social scientist" who begins with an ad hominem argument, and then…

    • on September 24, 2017
 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation