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Inconsequential News Quiz: Crime pays edition 

1. In late January, Pulaski County Judge Buddy Villines sent out a memo warning that if certain acts on county-owned property didn't stop, he'd have to ban the perpetrator from the premises. What was the issue? A) Pulaski County Animal Shelter employees running a teacup poodle fighting ring. B) Someone keeps building a brick wall in the middle of the Big Dam Bridge and painting a cartoon tunnel entrance on it. C) Pulaski County Quorum Court has started opening their meetings with a prayer to the Mesopotamian god Gozer the Gozerian from "Ghostbusters."

D) A dog — presumably owned by one of the judges who routinely bring their pooches to work — has been issuing writs of habeas crapus in the halls of the Pulaski County Courthouse.

2. In early February, a 36-year-old man was shot twice in the legs at a Pine Bluff apartment complex. According to a police report in the case, which of the following best describes what the victim did immediately prior to being shot? A) He insulted a woman. B) He insulted a woman whose armed son happened to be standing nearby. C) He insulted a woman whose armed son happened to be standing nearby, with the victim allegedly calling her a term associated with being a prostitute. D) He insulted a woman whose armed son happened to be standing nearby, with the victim allegedly calling her a term associated with being a prostitute, and then — after the woman's son fired several shots near his feet with a handgun — reportedly asked the gunman: "Well, are you gonna hit me or not?" 3. In January, the congregation of Greater Dimensions Ministry in Jonesboro was shocked to learn that the church had been one of the victims of a scam. What was the scam? A) Choir secretly replaced by the Harlem Globetrotters. B) The Pigeon Drop, in which trained pigeons steal from the offering plate. C) Two little girls went door-to-door around town in November, taking orders for $20 cheesecakes, which they said were being sold by the church as a fundraiser to help bury their grandmother. D) Shard of the True Cross purchased for $322.50 on eBay turned out to be a cellophane wrapped toothpick from Denny's. 4. On Feb. 8, deadline.com reported that a script dealing with events in Arkansas history sold for $1 million to Universal Pictures, with Ron Howard attached to direct. What's the script about? A) "Roger Clinton: Still Alive in Vegas" B) Tony Alamo's hairdresser C) Barry Seal, the pilot who allegedly trafficked cocaine from a base at the Mena airport. D) "The Legend of Boggy Creek II: Electric Boggyloo." 5. On Feb. 25, a new reality show called "Clash of the Ozarks," set in Hardy, debuted on the Discovery Channel. According to a press release from Discovery, which of the following are allegedly real Arkansans who appear on the show? A) A dude named Crowbar. B) A mountain man who doesn't own a pair of shoes. C) Sevella, "a tough, gun-toting elderly woman who is ... rumored to be clairvoyant." D) All of the above. 6. Police in North Little Rock said that a man recently released from the Pulaski County Regional Detention Center was so incensed that his ex-girlfriend hadn't sent him money while he was in the clink that he allegedly took a bizarre revenge. According to police, what did he do? A) Filled all her salt shakers with dandruff. B) Broke into her apartment and killed her pet snake. C) Replaced her regular coffee with Folgers Crystals. Let's see if she notices. D) Tied her to a chair and then walked her through a three-hour Powerpoint presentation

on batshit crazy boyfriends. 7. On Feb. 25, a woman was arrested for shoplifting at a Conway Walmart. According to police, what was she attempting to shoplift? A) Nine copies of Billy Ray Cyrus' 1992 album "Some Gave All." B) A camping hatchet and a 48 oz. bottle of baby oil. C) 330 frozen pizza rolls. D) 11 "Duck Dynasty" bobblehead dolls.

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