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Inconsequential News Quiz: Gorsuck! Edition 

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1) Seen above is a virtual rendering of an edifice that a local organization hopes will soon grace West Sixth Street in Little Rock. What is it?

A) Jerry's Discount Funeral Home (Styrofoam Coffins Our Specialty!).

B) Trump University School of Architecturing.

C) North American HQ for Granny Pecker's Old Fashioned Butt Plugs™.

D) The state GOP headquarters, to be called the Rockefeller Republican Center.

2) A group in Northwest Arkansas devoted to science education is raising funds to move an item that is the sixth largest of its kind in North America to the Bentonville area. What is it?

A) Massive, 4-inch titmouse.

B) One of Ronald Reagan's surgically removed bunions.

C) A giant refracting telescope, donated by Pennsylvania's Swarthmore College.

D) A walk-through model of the human colon, which will be used to prepare newly elected legislators for the next session of the Arkansas General Assembly.

3) During a press conference in which he announced he was calling for ethics investigations of the entire state Supreme Court, Attorney General Leslie Rutledge and several members of her staff over the court's decision to remove him from all death penalty cases, Pulaski County Circuit Judge Wendell Griffen made a few surprising claims about a Good Friday protest at the Governor's Mansion that featured people holding anti-death penalty signs and Griffen tied to a cot, much like an executed inmate on a gurney. What were they?

A) That Griffen carries a folding cot with him everywhere he goes, due to narcolepsy.

B) That he was actually camped out in hopes of getting tickets to Gubernerfest, a weekend-long reggae/ska jam band concert scheduled to be held on the Governor's Mansion grounds this July.

C) That his presence at the Governor's Mansion had nothing to do with the state's plan to execute eight men, that he and members of his church were only there to acknowledge the similar role Governor Hutchinson shares with Roman Governor Pontius Pilate, and that Griffen was showing solidarity with the dead Jesus when he lay on the cot.

D) That he tripped and fell on the cot while walking by and was quickly tied down against his will by rogue Boy Scouts.

4) In other judge-related news, the state Judicial Discipline and Disability Commission recently issued a letter of admonishment to Circuit Judge William "Bill" Pearson, whose jurisdiction includes Pope, Johnson and Franklin counties, after he pleaded guilty to two charges related to a January incident. What did Pearson do to get in hot water?

A) Blew through a DWI checkpoint near Clarksville while driving drunk, then led police on a short chase before being arrested.

B) Announced in court that he was "freeballin' it" under his robe.

C) Insists on pronouncing the name of new U.S. Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch as "Gorsuck."

D) Blew off bench trials at least four times to serve as a judge on NBC's "The Voice."

Answers: D,C,C,A

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